


Kiss Me: A Love Story

by Anathema_Cat



Series: King Fíli [1]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Durincest, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Smut, Fíli & Kíli Live, Fíli and Kíli Live and Thorin Died, M/M, Minor Original Character(s), Post-Battle of Five Armies, Sibling Incest, Slow Burn, Thorin Died Canonical Death Before Story Begins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-21
Updated: 2015-06-18
Packaged: 2018-03-25 00:43:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 40,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3790261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anathema_Cat/pseuds/Anathema_Cat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Is love enough to overcome despair, exhaustion, fear, and anger? How much courage does a leap of faith require? Fíli and Kíli will find out as they fight to recover after losing their uncle and very nearly their lives in the Battle of the Five Armies. The brothers struggle to cope with losses, new responsibilities, external pressure, and emerging desires - and the stress threatens to drive them apart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fight

**Author's Note:**

> This is another version of what could've happened post-BotFA. I don't get sick of these, and I always want more, so I thought I'd give it a shot. (I didn't use the major character death warning, because Thorin died before this story begins.)

Kíli woke to pain. He had a headache. No, not a “headache”. Something too large for his head was inside and trying to escape through his eyes. His ears told him someone was playing the highest note on a fiddle, dragging on an un-tuned string with an infinitely long bow. His stomach roiled with nausea. His throat hurt, drier than a desert. It was pain and confusion layered on top of… pain. His chest felt like it had a hole through it. His mind shrank from the memory that it felt that way because that is what had happened - shock and agony as a blade pierced armor, flesh, muscle, bone. He should be dead. He WANTED to be dead, because… And he drowned in anguish. Oh, now there was pain. His physical pain was nothing, NOTHING compared to this. The something inside him squeezed his heart, twisted his guts, and he couldn't live with this. _Fíli_. He retched, and nothing came up but more pain.

A gruff voice, too loud yet gentle, “Drink this, lad. Drink. Easy now, I've got you.”

He sank lower on the bed. _Bed? Where?_ Fíli was his sinking anchor, pulling Kíli down with him. Kíli floated down through the mattress, choked on murky water, saw vague grey figures, floated away from physical pain, reached out for Fíli. The anchor was sinking too quickly, tore a chunk from his heart, disappeared into the depths. He silently begged for death, for release, and the hazy figures shook their grey hooded heads. He screamed until blessed blackness took him.

 

Fíli woke to pain. Alone. He had died alone and he woke alone. But if he had died, why did he feel like his chest was still split in half? Why did white hot pain flare through his body at the slightest movement of his legs? And this vertigo and headache, gods. Where was he? Had he done something to cause rejection from the Halls? Surely not. He had walked into a trap, tried to warn Kíli and Thorin and Dwalin. Had they run? They couldn't have survived that horde. Not knowing was torture.

“Kíli?” he croaked, lighting a fire in his throat, sending his head spinning out of control. Waves of nausea threatened to explode out through his stomach, his throat. He couldn't breathe. He had to breathe. He had last seen Kíli alive. Was he still alive? He fought panic, pushed at the haze of pain, forced himself to ignore everything but getting sound out through his mouth. 

“Where … is … Kíli?” 

“Where am I?” he ground out, just a bit louder.

Shuffling, rustling, someone sounding startled. A door opening, closing, opening.

“You’re safe, sire.” Too loud, but familiar. “Drink this. Shh, drink now.” 

He tried to hang on, to demand answers, but he had nothing to grasp. Fíli floated away on a dream of expressive brown eyes.

 

Kíli fought wakefulness. He fought to hold onto blackness, to oblivion. His anchor had pulled him to down to the void, but he’d lost it. Now even the blackness was receding. _Fíli, where are you?_ Confusion. Images. Fíli still alive. _You, you, where are you? I need you._ Lost. Was he lost, or was Fíli lost? He tried to search, struggled to move deadened limbs, had to find Fíli. No. No, he wouldn't find him. Fíli was gone. Dead. 

_I miss you_ , he said or thought or something in the murky water. _I don’t have words for it._

As a child, he’d turned to Fíli for comfort after nightmares, rather than his parents. Fíli was always right there, easily accessible, strong and solid, and when Kíli was very young, Fíli seemed so old and wise. Kíli would've laughed at that now had laughing been possible any longer. He was mired in a nightmare without Fíli.

He pushed away from physical pain, refused to open his eyes, ignored confused voices. He could not come back to the consciousness that meant endlessly replaying Fíli’s death, Fíli taking the more dangerous path, trying to warn them even as he knew he was lost, Fíli dying alone, Kíli helpless to do anything but watch his brother fall. The shocked disbelief, the pain ripping through his chest, his gut, Fíli falling, alone, again and again and again. Falling. Again. Kíli tried to push his life out of his body with his blood and sweat and the tears that he couldn't stop. 

Kíli nudged his mind over to the rage that had possessed him immediately after as he screamed for Fíli's loss. He stoked the fire, drawing in the memory of his vision narrowing, becoming red. That felt better. He didn't think after that. There was only frenzied fighting and killing and killing and dying. Dying.

No, he would _not_ live in a world without Fíli. He would keep fighting. He fought against deft hands on his injuries, fought fingers trying to open his mouth, fought against gentle but unyielding hands holding him down. 

“If he doesn't calm down, I’ll lose him,” a worried voice. 

“Give him the pain medicine,” strong, commanding. 

“Too soon.”

“Give it to him.”

They gave him back the blackness.

 

Fíli fought the blackness, struggled to grasp consciousness, to hold onto something real, solid. He needed answers. No, he needed an answer. He saw grey, ears ringing, head still swimming. There, a voice.

“Come on, son, come back to us.” So loud again, a little painful, but comforting. Fíli focused through haze on the voice. _Say something else, say something._

“Fíli, wake up.”

 _There._ “Where?” Fíli croaked, scared to ask _the_ question.

“Erebor.”

“Why did you call me sire?”

“Oh, lad, not now. I was foolish.”

“Why?” voice still faint but with innate authority.

“Fíli, lad, you’re gravely injured. You need to take this slowly.”

It hurt to speak, and his head still spun sickeningly, but he had to hold on.

“Óin. Why?” 

A sigh? A sob? _Surely not._

“Thorin didn't make it.”

“Kíli?” he snapped it out, terrified.

“Lives.”

Fíli sighed. He knew he should feel… oh, so many things… about Thorin, but all he had room for at this moment was relief. Kíli lived. Silence.

“Are you all right?” Óin asked gingerly.

“I’ll live.”

 

Kíli kept fighting. He fought to embrace anger and chafed at the ministrations from well intended but unwanted hands. Though still in a medicine-induced daze, he weakly attempted to push hands away from his helpless body, choked on force-fed food. When exhaustion made it impossible to hold onto the anger, he ached for Fíli with every labored breath. Kíli knew people were talking to him, encouraging him, trying to tell him things, but he wouldn't focus, couldn't understand, shut them out. 

After what felt like years of struggle, of fighting, searching, and loss, the haze gradually receded upon waves of increasing pain. He groaned, tried to breathe the physical pain away, attempted unsuccessfully to stifle further groans as the pain crested. 

"Kíli, can you hear me?" Óin yelled.

"No."

"Thank Mahal. Kíli, listen to me –"

“You might want to speak a little louder,” Kíli ground out.

An incoherent roar.

“Óin,” quiet authority.

“Fíli lives,” Óin said, “Fíli _lives._ "

"I saw him fall," Kíli croaked, refusing to open his eyes. "Now let me do the same."

Another exasperated yell, "You stubborn cub. Someone else tell him before I smack him, injured or no."

"Kíli, listen," Dain said calmly. Confidence in that voice caught Kíli’s attention. "I've no reason to coddle you. Your brother is alive."

Kíli froze, eyes still closed, and took a long, shuddering breath. Did he dare let hope in? 

"He's fighting to recover,” Dain continued, “but he's strong, and we believe he’s out of danger."

Tears welled in Kíli's eyes, hot and stinging, and fell silently down his drawn face.

"Why didn't you tell me?" 

“We did, you - !”

"Óin,” Dain’s calm voice again. “We couldn't say anything while his recovery was in doubt, and then you wouldn't hear us."

"Stubborn ass, I feared we lost you, that I lied to Fíli," Óin muttered, most likely thinking he was being quiet.

"I know you’re in pain," Dain said. "We stopped the pain medicine to break through."

"I will give you a small dose now, take the edge off," Óin said, back to his normal volume.

"Bring him to me," Kíli demanded, though it didn't make it out of his sore throat the way it sounded in his head.

"We will, soon,” Óin said, “but you must heal first. Turn your will to that."

"I need to see him."

"You can't see straight anyway,” Óin said, sounding exasperated again. “Now the sooner you get yourself together, the sooner you'll see him."

Then in a much gentler tone, "You're not out of danger yet, lad. Rest, heal for your brother. He will need you."

Kíli tried to nod, but his head felt so heavy. He trusted they read his grudging assent in his eyes. He floated away on clouds of grey and fought the black. _Fíli lives, Fíli live, Fíli lives..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be my first... first fanfic, first shared story, first porn. I've gotten so much from this fandom that I just hope to give a little bit back. Hope the story is worthy.


	2. Live

Fíli fought to live, and he knew when fighting meant acceptance. He embraced the constant pain. He welcomed bone setting, bandage changing, and wound cleaning as trivial prices to be paid for Kíli’s and his lives.

The haze of pain receded slowly, as day by day Fíli silently endured indignities like sponge baths and spoon feeding. Nearly helpless as a babe, he finally began to feel his body healing, oh so slowly, but felt it a miracle nonetheless. Eventually he could feed himself, propped up on masses of pillows, gently cleaned and helped to lie back down. He hid that he despised his helplessness, grateful that he and Kíli were alive and given tireless care. 

Despite the near constant pain, despite his regret at failing to protect Kíli from such grievous harm, he would not allow himself to sink into despair. He _knew_ that they would live and thrive again. 

In the dark, though exhausted, he stood on guard against nightmare voices that promised peace and release from pain in death. It was only then that two thoughts challenged his determination. He missed Kíli's presence with an ache that spread from the wound in his chest to throb along with his headaches and burn like acid down his throat and into his gut. He longed for Kíli more than he would've ever thought possible, never having imagined being separated before. He nearly choked on uncomfortable feelings emerging from recesses of his tired mind, feelings he didn’t realize were there and pushed back into the black.

And Thorin ... _Oh, Uncle Thorin. You realized your dream only to be denied your life._ He grieved for Thorin and for his mother. He missed Thorin's determination, support, and occasional flashes of deep affection. Fíli would even miss the older dwarf’s brooding and prickliness. Thorin had undergone so much hardship, only to be denied fulfillment with it in his grasp. 

Fíli asked about Kíli every time he regained consciousness. Answers were frustratingly vague, but so long as Kíli lived, Fíli would keep fighting. Fíli of course had demanded they be placed together but had been unequivocally denied. He denied rising panic that he’d never see Kíli, pushed it away with anger, then calmed himself down with rationality. He understood the sense of it; too much space was needed and mess generated caring for invalids, with increased threat of infection. 

Dain began to visit for short periods, ever respectful of Óin's rules, though he technically had the power to overrule them. Dain spoke of managing affairs while Fíli recovered, first as reports, gradually shifting to seeking feedback and then permission as Fíli gained strength. Dain proved masterful in easing Fíli into his new role, another kindness gracing Fíli's recovery. Fíli agreed with Dain’s decision to have Thorin interred with honor and quiet dwarven ceremony but no public funeral. Fíli insisted, though, that Bard and Thranduil were invited to attend as battle allies. Dain argued briefly that they were reluctant allies at best but respected Fíli’s wishes. They had short conversations about disposition of Dain’s troops, endless cleanup around and under the mountain, and memorials for the dead.

Fíli otherwise had nothing to do but hurt and sleep. He pushed boredom away with day dreams of Kíli. He played in his mind Kíli’s laugh, goofy faces, intense sparring sessions, even boyhood arguments. The only thing he really wanted now was Kíli. The thought made him strangely uncomfortable.

 

“Bring me to Kíli,” Fíli told Óin in the most commanding voice he could manage from his back.

“Durin’s beard, if it’ll shut you two up about it, I’ll have him moved here next time we wake him to eat.”

“No.”

Óin threw his hands up in exasperation. “May I ask what you would like,” he yelled.

“I don’t want him moved. Move me to him.”

“Fine. I suppose you’re healed up enough now. I’ll return.” Óin left with a string of cursing and grumbling.

Fíli relaxed, as much as he could while swathed in splints and bandages. He would see Kíli, he was about to see Kíli. 

_Finally, I will be complete._

_Now where did that thought come from?_

Then embarrassingly giddy, he breathed to slow his thudding heart beats, to keep calm. He’d waited, mostly patiently, this long, but now every second felt like hours. He felt like a chained beast, denied even a small cage to pace. _Hurry, Óin, hurry._

Óin returned in minutes that lasted years with a hard flat board, Balin, Dwalin, and Ori. They traded respectful nods with Fíli.

“This will hurt,” Óin said. “Try to stay completely still.” Then gently as possible they slid the board under Fíli. Pain flared across Fíli’s body, but he didn’t care, he just wanted them to hurry. _Chained, chained beast._ He couldn’t even tap a foot.

Each picked up a corner of the board and paced out of the room, a few steps down a dimly lit stone hall and into a nearly identical room. He caught a glimpse of dark hair spread on a pillow, it wasn’t enough.

“Turn me where I can see him.”

They complied. From his back, head turned, he focused on Kíli’s pale, sleeping face. Too thin, too drawn, but alive. Alive. _Kíli._ His narrow body, covered in a thin sheet, swam in the large bed.

The four carefully set the board down and transferred Fíli to the bed, drew the same sheet over him. Fíli slowly, carefully reached out, searching for Kíli’s hand, found it, held on oh so gently. _Complete._

Tears filled his eyes. In another lifetime, he might have felt shame, and he would have squashed the tears. He let them fall. Kíli and he would _live_. The other dwarves nodded again, Balin patting Fíli’s arm very gently, and Ori softly squeezing Fíli’s other hand.

 

Kíli dreamed that someone held his hand. Someone strong and warm, someone he needed like air and water. _Fíli._ It was too much. He had turned his anger, his _fight_ , away from the blackness and toward healing. He followed every order, ceased complaining, breathed away pain, healed. And he waited, outwardly patient, inwardly seething, for the day they would bring him to Fíli.

Now his mind was tormenting him with hallucinations. He squirmed with nightmare whispers that said Dain and Óin had lied, that he’d never see Fíli again. He let the anger back in, held up a hand, palm out, in warning. He reached for a sword but awoke with a gasp. Confused, he began gathering his meager strength to force himself up and _insist_ he be moved when he felt someone gripping his hand. He forced his eyes open and focused on the ceiling.

“I’m awake, right?” he whispered. Slowly, fearing disappointment, he turned his head to the side.

He looked into piercing blue eyes and gasped again. “Fíli.”

“Hey.”

“You’re really here.”

“Yes.” Fíli loosened his grip but didn’t let go. “You were having a bad dream.”

“That’s all I have now.”

“Not anymore.”

_Still has such confidence_ , Kíli thought.

“No.” Kíli paused. “Except that I’m about to start crying and then you’ll make fun of your baby brother, shattering my fragile self-esteem.”

Fíli laughed. It was a weak, shallow laugh, but genuine, full of affection. 

Kíli grinned. “I’ve missed you.”

“And I you. With every breath.” 

_Oh,_ Kíli thought, as he noticed that Fíli’s eyes glistened. _There’s no way I’m restraining them now._

Kíli allowed silent tears to fall. “Everything will be fine,” he whispered.

“Everything will be _good_ ,” Fíli said.

 

That night Fíli slept peacefully and dreamlessly for the first time in a long time. Unusually for him, he fought wakefulness, wishing to hold onto the blissful quiet. The increasing ache in his leg dragged him into full consciousness. He looked over to Kíli, still asleep, still holding his hand. Confusion infected his mind. That word from yesterday, _complete_ , it was still there, too. This feeling of being whole, at peace, home. In a way, it wasn’t surprising – he and Kíli had always been close, and he had naturally missed him. Yet he was reeling, sure the surprising strength of these feelings was overwhelming his reason, certain a door in the back of his mind had concealed a passion that shouldn’t exist. He tentatively turned his attention to this door, terrified of what he would find. He opened it. He slammed it shut. 

He gasped, took deep breaths. He was in love with his brother. It may have always been there, but he would have subconsciously locked it away to protect both Kíli and himself. He had to keep it locked up. He kept his eyes squeezed shut, fearing it was too late, that too much had escaped. But no, he knew now, and he knew he had no choice. Kíli wouldn’t accept this, and he couldn’t lose Kíli. And then he huffed a humorless laugh, because fear of rejection was so much bigger than the wrongness of loving his brother. He squeezed Kíli’s hand for comfort before he even realized what he was doing. He needed Kíli like he needed to breathe, but he didn’t know how he could keep Kíli close now and also keep that door in his mind locked up.

A soft voice, full of concern, tearing at his heart. “Fee?”

He took a breath, stilled his mind, turned his aching head toward Kíli. “Good morning.”

“Are you all right?” voice still sleepy.

“Yeah. I’m good. It’s just my head feels like it might explode.” _Well, at least that was honest._

“I know what you mean. It gets old.”

“Yeah.” A faint smile. “It feels like years since I was healthy.”

“Maybe it has been years. I’ve no idea how long I was out.”

“I was so scared I’d lost you,” Fíli whispered.

Kíli grimaced, then stifled a laugh. “I’m sorry, I don’t think that’s funny.” A pause, and Fíli wondered where this was going. “It’s just, well, I didn’t handle that… well… not at all. I _knew_ I had lost you.” His voice broke. Fíli could feel the pain coming off his brother in waves, and he ached for him.

“Oh, Kee. Oh no. You thought I was dead.”

Kíli just nodded, a single tear rolling down his cheek. “Every word I might use to describe how I felt sounds trite. I just… It felt like my heart had been clawed out.”

“We don’t have to talk about this.” Fíli forced himself to roll on his side. It hurt like hell and took eons longer than it should, but he did it. He willed his mind away from the waves of pain and focused on his brother’s more visceral hurt. Fíli gently wiped the tear away with his thumb. “I’m sorry.”

“Like it’s your fault, dummy,” Kíli said, tired voice full of exasperated affection. “But I accept your apology anyway. And you’re right… I think that was enough talking. I can’t live through that again.”

“No. Never again.” Fíli rolled gracelessly back on his back as Óin bustled into the room. Fíli wondered when Óin slept. It seemed as if he were always on duty.

“Good morning, lads,” he yelled. “How are you feeling?”

“As well as can be expected, given that I can’t leave my cursed back,” Fíli yelled back.

“Good, good,” Óin said cheerfully. “Here, take your poison, it’ll help.”

“How much longer 'til we can walk, Óin?” Fíli asked.

“At least a week.” The brothers groaned in unison. Óin ignored it. “I want the stitches out first. And you need a cane.”

“A cane.”

“Your leg was _shattered_ , lad. It’ll take time to hold your weight.”

“A king can’t hobble around on a cane.”

“A king who came as close to death as you did and survived can. No one will say a word, and I will personally destroy anyone who even thinks to question your strength. It won’t happen, though.”

“I hope you’re right.”

“Of course I’m right, boy. Now stop talking and take this.”

“Yes, sir,” Fíli said, not entirely sarcastically.


	3. Stand

Fíli and Kíli had just finished eating, Ori leaving with their dishes, when Óin stepped in and asked if they minded a visitor. The two shrugged as one - it's not as if they had anything else to do. Óin left. The door opened slowly and a curly head drifted in silently, stopping just inside the door.

"Bilbo!" Kíli exclaimed happily. He grimaced as he instinctively moved to jump up. Fíli smiled at his brother, while reaching over to rest a hand on Kíli's leg, ready to restrain him if need be. Despite the obvious pain, Kíli still looked ready to jump off the bed. 

Fíli turned a grin to Bilbo, who stood shyly by the door. "Good to see you." 

Fíli thought Bilbo looked older, sad, yet he was relieved to see a familiar sparkle in his kind eyes.

"Kíli, Fíli." Bilbo returned the smile, though still seemed hesitant to move closer. "I can’t believe you're a- I mean to say, a-" he stopped, flustered.

"Aware?" Fíli said wryly.

"Awake?" Kíli offered.

"Alert?"

"Astir?"

"Astir!?" Bilbo sputtered. "Who says that?"

"Well," Fíli said solemnly. "You."

"Besides me?" Bilbo demanded, looking ready to stomp a foot. "Really. Stop teasing."

Fíli held out an appeasing hand. "Bilbo, please come hug Kíli before he falls on the floor."

Kíli smacked Fíli's arm, but the grin didn't leave his face.

"You meant to say alive," Kíli said as Bilbo slowly walked toward him. "It's all right. We were surprised, too."

Most, but not all, of the tension visibly left Bilbo's shoulders as he moved to Kíli's side. He gingerly folded Kíli in a hug, eyes shining. "You fell, both of you," Bilbo whispered. "I didn't think to see you again. Especially not after Thorin..." He trailed off. Kíli returned the hug, and Bilbo pulled back, eyes shining.

"I'm so glad you're both alive," Bilbo said, voice stronger. Kíli squeezed Bilbo's shoulders, and Bilbo nodded and sat in one of the chairs by the room’s small table.

"I feared we'd slept too long to see you," Fíli said.

"No. I want to go home, I dream of it,” Bilbo started to sound wistful, then smiled sheepishly. “As you well know. But I couldn't leave before I knew for sure how you fared."

He paused, looking down. "No words for how happy I am to see you up and talking."

A deep breath, looking up. "And I owe you an apology."

"No," the brothers said in unison.

"I -"

"No," Fíli said gently. "We don’t mean to be rude, but listen. Bilbo, you owe us nothing. Nothing. All of us, the company, we owe you. Even if we ignore the, uh-“

“Embarrassing,” Kíli supplied happily.

“…number of times you saved our asses on the journey,”

“Not that we can,” Kíli interjected.

“Obviously,” Fíli sent an exaggerated eye roll toward his brother. “Only you really stood up to Thorin.”

“Didn’t know what else to do,” Bilbo whispered.

“Nor did we,” Fíli said. “He needed someone to help him fight the sickness. All of us failed in a way, all but you."

Bilbo looked down, then up through wet lashes. Finally all the tension slid off of him. "I ..." He seemed to want to protest, but he took another deep breath. "Thank you."

"Our burglar," Kíli said fondly. "And so much more. Gandalf was right about that anyway."

"Well, as to that..." Bilbo looked flustered again. Fíli and Kíli smiled at the hobbit, and finally he looked each in the eye and smiled back.

"Do you have your fourteenth?" Fíli asked.

"I traded it for the Arkenstone!" Bilbo’s smile disappeared immediately. Fíli chuckled at the offended look on Bilbo's face.

"You will have my fourteenth then,” Fíli said. “You fulfilled the contract, it's yours."

"Stop, I'm fine. I can't carry all that anyway.”

"Please, you must take something," Kíli said. Fíli nodded.

"I. Well, if I could. I would like to keep the mithril..." Shy again, uncertain.

"That is yours already, Bilbo," Fíli said gently. "Thorin gave it to you."

Bilbo nodded, a haunted shadow moving across his eyes.

"Take a chest or two of gold and silver at least," Kíli insisted. "A pony can carry that."

"Very well, fine, fine." Bilbo said, waving a hand. Then quietly. "Thank you again."

“Has Bard claimed his share then?” Fíli asked.

Bilbo shook his head as if trying to clear it. “Yes, Glóin worked with Bard and the elves.” Bilbo drew his pipe from a pocket and absently fiddled with it, then smiled. “I’m certain Glóin didn't give up a _fourteenth_.”

Kíli’s eyes widened, and Fíli barked a short laugh. “What did Bard get?” Fíli asked.

“More than enough to satisfy him, I assure you,” Bilbo said. “Enough to take care of his people and invest in rebuilding Dale. And Glóin made such a fuss, grumbled about it for days, glowered at anyone who dared mention it. It was quite amusing. Yet he can’t quite hide his kind heart. He didn't want the families to suffer, though he would never say as much.” 

Óin abruptly stuck his head in the door. "Visiting time is over."

"What?!" Kíli yelled. "You are making that up!"

"Over, I say," Óin yelled. "You need to rest."

"All we do is _rest_ ," Kíli said for, Fíli was sure, the thousandth time between the two of them. "Let him stay, Óin, please. We'll rest."

"He stays," Fíli said, brooking no argument.

Óin grumbled and assented gracelessly. "Keep them calm." He glared at the hobbit. Bilbo glared right back, and Óin’s eyes softened. "Just take it easy, all right,"

"Of course," Bilbo said primly, innocence incarnate. Óin nodded, and Bilbo smiled fondly. Óin grumbled his way out.

"What have you been up to?" Kíli asked.

"Oh, walking, I suppose," Bilbo said with a shrug. "Walking all about this hole you call a home. Walking outside whenever I can."

"Wait a minute," Fíli said. "You live in a hole."

"Well, yes, but _my_ hole is a proper one. It has windows and plants. It's cozy and clean and ... Well. Cozy. This is all..." Bilbo waved a hand, "cavernous and… and echo-y." 

Fíli and Kíli laughed. "This hole will at least be clean," Fíli said.

"Yes, I know, it's getting cleaner all the time, dwarves scurrying around like ants, knocking me off my path...

"And I need fresh air. I make Gandalf walk with me outside," Bilbo said. Bilbo drew on his empty pipe absently.

The brothers exchanged an incredulous glance. "You _make_?" Kíli said.

Bilbo continued unfazed. "He forbids me to go outside by myself, something about desperate orc packs, who knows, so I make him go with me. I can't be constantly cooped up inside after all."

"You must be the only being who can make Gandalf do things," Kíli chuckled.

Bilbo looked confused, like he didn't understand the fuss.

Fíli couldn't stop grinning as the hobbit chattered about his concerns. The little hobbit had bounced back, was largely unchanged by their trials. True, his eyes held the sadness for losses, for Thorin, that hadn't been present before, but his indomitable spirit remained intact. 

Óin came back in to administer pain medicine. The brothers protested, somewhat weakly. Neither wanted it or the lethargy that came with it, both knew they still needed it. 

“I’m reducing the dose gradually,” Óin assured. “This isn’t forever.”

And as usual, they gave in, more or less with good grace. Óin was about to close the door when he looked at Bilbo and dropped his new ear horn.

“Stop that, put that, thing, why would you…” Óin sputtered, in shock. “NO SMOKING in the infirmary!”

Bilbo just stared at Óin. Then he slowly tipped the empty bowl upside down, raising an eyebrow.

“Just you keep it that way!” Óin slammed the door.

Kíli laughed, and Fíli smirked. 

"Sometimes I talk to the elves," Bilbo continued. "I'm glad they're still here, though I don't really know why they are. They don't say, at least not to mere mortals." He rolled his eyes.

"We've heard," Fíli responded. "They stayed to tend to their fallen and to the injured. Óin says he learned much."

"Yes, and many lived who probably would not have otherwise, but that's all over, and yet some remain. Gandalf seems to have something going on with Thranduil, but who knows. Wizard still tells me nothing after all of this." He paused, again drawing on his pipe. "I think it has something to do with a necklace or something ridiculous like that."

"He's not still on about that!?" Fíli said incredulously.

Kíli stared at Bilbo. "Why doesn't someone just give him the cursed thing already and be done with it?"

"I don't know what-" Bilbo began.

Fíli interrupted. "Who pines for a necklace after all these years? Elves are so weird."

"Hey!" Kíli chided, as Bilbo's face settled into lecture mode, and he pointed toward Fíli with his pipe.

"Wood elves are different than the others. You see..." Bilbo proceeded to recite the dry and lengthy history of elves on Middle Earth, some of it common knowledge, most of it overly reverent of beings who could be as idiotic as any others.

The brothers hadn't the heart to stop Bilbo and enjoyed his enthusiasm and expressions nevertheless. They illustrated the story with eye rolls and made faces at each other at appropriate times. 

Their eyes got heavy, though, and when Bilbo paused for a deep breath, Kíli broke in. "Tell us about the Shire," he said sleepily.

Without hesitation, Bilbo launched into a tale of hills and food and a Great-Grand-Uncle. Fíli and Kíli drifted to peaceful sleep.

 

A couple of days later, Fíli and Kíli were attempting to amuse themselves with making up various endings to Bilbo’s story. Dain asked for permission to enter and strode in with Balin, Dwalin, and Óin. Dain nodded to the brothers.

"A group from the Blue Mountains will arrive in weeks," Dain said without preamble.

“What?!” “How?!" Fíli and Kíli spoke simultaneously.

"Apparently Gandalf and Thorin arranged for a group of young warriors to follow, traveling a southern route and arriving at the end of winter," Dain said.

He paused as Fíli took this in, then said gruffly, “Wizard just bothered to tell me.”

"He’s thoughtful that way,” Fíli responded. “What if we had lost?"

"Presumably they would attempt to take the mountain. I don't know. I doubt Gandalf expected to lose."

"I'll send some of the company to meet them,” Fíli said. “Can you provide an escort?"

"Of course."

"Balin, please ask for volunteers from the company. One to return immediately with some of Dain's men with news."

"Done," Balin said.

"I want to go," Kíli said.

Fíli and Balin smiled at him. "I do, too,” Fíli said. “I wonder who came."

“This means I can start sending my army home,” Dain said.

Fíli took a deep breath. He, of course, knew Dain needed to return home, but he also recognized he was in no shape yet to take over fully. “Soon. Would you be willing to wait until the new group is settled?”

Dain took a moment, then nodded. Fíli hoped he hid the relief he felt.

"Thank you," Fíli said, and Dain and Balin moved to leave. 

Fíli sighed, steeled himself. "Dwalin, Óin, help me up," he commanded.

"Fíli, you still need rest," Óin protested.

"All I do is rest. I need stamina. I'll never recover lying on my back. Help me up."

Dain nodded in approval as he and Balin left, and Dwalin moved to the bed immediately. Óin kept fussing, but slowly moved to stand by Dwalin.

They helped swing Fíli’s legs over the side of the bed, feet on the floor. He sat for long moments to catch his breath and stifle the pain. Then he slowly stood up, a strong hand under each arm, took painful steps around the bed to lean back against the foot board.

"Now Kíli."

Óin shook his head, but followed Dwalin to Kíli's side of the bed.

"You good with this, son?" Óin said.

"Of course."

The same slow process followed. Fíli shut his eyes as he listened to his brother stifle quiet sounds of pain. Finally they stood next to each other, shoulder to shoulder. 

Fíli looked up at Kíli. "It's a start."

Kíli nodded, smiled past the pain. "We'll be sparring in no time."

Fíli returned the smile, then faced forward and closed his eyes again, focused on settling into the pain, breathing it away. “Sparring,” he whispered eventually. “Dwalin.” Fíli swallowed. His “good” leg was unbelievably weak and shaking, and his broken leg _hurt_. _Hold on one more minute,_ he told himself.

“Dwalin, would you set up a training hall? We’ll need a large room, practice weapons, the usual.”

“With pleasure,” Dwalin answered. “I've already found a likely spot.”

Fíli nodded his thanks, grateful for the presence and support of these dwarves he’d grown up with.

“I don’t know about you,” Kíli broke in to Fíli’s thoughts, his voice weak, “but I've gained plenty of stamina today.

“Um, yeah, me, too,” Fíli tried to grin past the pain. “Mission accomplished.”

The older dwarves helped ease Kíli and then Fíli back onto the bed. It took some time for the brothers to catch their breath. Unusual doubts crowded into Fíli’s head. He’d refused to consider anything other than that he and Kíli would return to full strength, and now... He couldn't remember ever experiencing anything as physically difficult as that. 

_I’ll be stuck in here forever, I’ll have nothing to do but think about Kíli, I won’t be able to keep my feelings hidden, I’ll waste away..._ He felt something like panic, not normal, not for him, and that made it all the more frightening.

Fíli barely noticed the older brothers leaving the room, wasn't aware that Kíli’s breathing had slowed. He did sense Kíli’s eyes on him, and that broke him free.

“You all right?” Kíli said quietly.

“Yes.” Kíli raised an eyebrow at that. “No. Fine, no. That was harder than I thought it would be”. 

“We haven’t walked in so long,” Kíli said gently. “This is probably normal.” A long pause. “Although it’s hard not to worry.”

Another pause. “Fíli, _will_ we spar again?” Kíli sounded so young then.

And that did it. Kíli broke Fíli out of his fear without even trying. “Yes. Yes, of course. You’re right, Kee, we've just lost our strength from disuse.” Fíli even made himself believe it. “That was just the beginning.”


	4. Farewell

Fíli and Kíli finally were able to break up their days with movement, a relief to them both. They began with short shuffles around the room, then moved more steadily, Fíli leaning on a cane. Walks moved into the nearby halls. Members of the company happily took turns supporting them as they hobbled slowly down hallways. Óin eased up on his “visiting hours,” and the company also took it in turn to regale the brothers with stories of mischief, carousing, plans, and even some hard work.

Balin reported that Bifur and Bofur had left with a contingent of Dain's guard to meet the second company from the Blue Mountains, with Bofur to return with news. The night after that caught Fíli off-guard, as a sharp pain in his leg left him sleepless. His excitement at the news shifted to dread the more exhausted he became, the heavier his eyelids felt, the more gritty his eyes. And of all things, Kíli’s soft snore, usually comforting, was annoying, Kíli’s warmth too much. Fíli was uncomfortably sweaty. He tried to kick off the sheet, but his stiff legs wouldn’t work properly without disturbing his brother. 

His and Kíli’s progress, the imminent arrival of the Blue Mountain dwarves, Dain’s easing out of his role as temporary Erebor leader - these sources of comfort and excitement during the day elicited dread and fear in the dark, still, hot, sleepless night. Fear in battle he understood, could work to his advantage. Fear at home, in bed -he didn’t know what to do with it. _This is getting old._ He managed to get the covers off of his body with a savage kick of his good leg. Kíli grumbled, shifted closer, but didn’t wake.

 _I’m getting closer to separating from Kíli_ , his frustrating mind took the opportunity to tell him. He could smell Kíli’s hair now, lingering soap from earlier washing, and his mind, his betrayer, decided to consider how nice it would be to run his fingers through those dark locks... “No,” he said aloud. Kíli shifted again, this time further away. _Good,_ he thought, relieved, disappointed. And another source of fear nagged at him - doubts about his ability to rule, to bring this mountain back from ruin, make it a safe and productive home, reunite it with Dale… And on and on until finally his mind couldn’t continue to overrule his body’s exhaustion.

 

Bilbo came again, as Fíli and Kíli were sitting at their small table. This time Bilbo had Gandalf in tow, Bilbo looking for all the world to be in charge of the taller, older, powerful wizard. Gandalf was in kind grandfather mode, a tolerant smile on his wrinkled face. 

“Fíli, Kíli,” Gandalf began affectionately, but Bilbo interrupted.

“Had to drag the old man in here,” Bilbo complained. “Trying to give me some nonsense about not upsetting you.”

Gandalf gently withdrew his hand. “May I sit?”

“Of course,” Fíli gestured to a chair. Gandalf and Bilbo settled in.

Fíli felt a bit of awkwardness between himself and the wizard, but as usual, Kíli rolled with the situation and smiled at Gandalf, and Bilbo was unfazed by others’ moods. 

“I am sorry about Thorin,” Gandalf said quietly and kindly, looking at Fíli and Kíli in turn.

They nodded, and Fíli responded stiffly, “As are we.”

“I didn’t foresee the orc mobilization. I should have.” Fíli relaxed as he felt some surprise at the wizard virtually admitting fault and apologizing. He suspected that was almost unheard of.

“I guess no one did,” Kíli said sadly.

Tears glistened in Bilbo’s and Kíli’s eyes, and while Fíli never wanted Thorin forgotten, he didn’t wish to cause pain either. “He is missed and won’t be forgotten,” he said, closing the subject.

“Yes,” Gandalf murmured, as Kíli and Bilbo nodded, chins up.

“Gandalf,” Kíli began, tentatively. “How– why-” He paused, but then the words just tumbled out, a bit too loudly, “Why did Fíli and I survive but not Thorin?”

“You two survived with constant elven and dwarven care, the best of both,” Gandalf said without hesitation. “That on top of dwarven hardiness and stubbornness and a good bit of luck.”

“And Thorin didn’t have those?!” Kíli’s voice echoed Fíli’s angry reaction.

“He had all but the last,” Gandalf said softly. “All but the last.” A long pause, in which he looked very old and very tired. “And he had been sick preceding the battle.”

“Not physically,” Kíli pushed.

“Mind affects the body,” Gandalf mused, “and I expect he wasn’t concerned with food and exercise.”

“Oh. Yeah,” Kíli muttered. Fíli reached for Kíli’s hand, squeezed. He looked in Kíli’s sad eyes, dark mirrors of his own. Kíli squeezed back, nodded, and Fíli slowly withdrew his hand.

“We’re preparing to leave,” Bilbo said, sadness and excitement mingling in his face and voice.

“I expected as much,” Fíli said. “We will miss you here, but you belong in the Shire.”

“I wish you could wait until we could escort you part way,” Kíli said.

“You have duties here,” Bilbo dismissed the idea, but kindly. “And best not to draw out the goodbyes.”

“Who will escort you, Bilbo?” Fíli asked.

“I will,” Gandalf said. “To his very door,” he added in response to the brothers’ questioning faces.

“And the elves, part of the way,” Bilbo said happily. 

“When?” Fíli asked. “I would be there to say farewell.”

“Day after tomorrow,” Gandalf said, “assuming I can push Thranduil out of here.”

“He wants his jewelry,” Fíli stated.

“Yes,” Gandalf shook his head.

“Well, I’ll give him the stupid thing,” Fíli said. “It’s beyond belief that this has lingered between elves and dwarves for so long.

“But then I can’t look to the other dwarves that we’re conceding something to the elves either,” the king mused. He looked up into Bilbo’s gentle eyes.

“You will give it to him,” he muttered, then corrected himself. “That is, I mean, would you be willing to give it to him?”

“Well, yes, all right,” Bilbo said, surprised.

“That’s, yes, that’s perfect,” Gandalf approved. “Thank you, Fíli.”

“It’s nothing. The whole thing is ridiculous. Bilbo can give him a necklace as a friend, and I will offer him some jewels as a parting or thank you gift. Something along those lines.”

“This will go a long way to cement friendship between your peoples,” Gandalf said.

“Good. And to me forgetting his existence,” Fíli said, softening it with a grin.

“So we will be there then?” Kíli asked.

“Yes, of course,” Fíli promised. “Even if we have to be propped up in advance. I’ll talk to Glóin about the plan. Bilbo, do you think you could find a fancy necklace for our elf friend?”

“I’ll dig out the best,” Bilbo grinned.

 

Kíli was proud of his brother, of the remaining company, and even, strangely, of Dain, his much older and far more experienced cousin. They were all stoic, no hint of their feelings toward elves or this little ceremony. All but Kíli had disagreed with Fíli on this, but he'd used his instincts, innate intelligence, and diplomacy lessons to pull it off. Now that he’d gotten his way, there was no hint on any face of previous disagreement.

The dwarves and Bilbo had helped Fíli and Kíli hobble painfully and slowly outside before the elves formed up. Óin had given them just enough pain medication to take the edge off without dulling their wits. The brothers gritted their teeth and subtly leaned against the dwarves on either side of them for support.

The elves and Gandalf soon lined up along the path, ponies, horses, and warriors ready to move. The elves turned to face the dwarves. 

Fíli straightened, face paler than normal, and said a few words of appreciation for the elves’ valor in fighting the orc armies and thanked them for staying to heal the injured of all races. He hung on long enough to express a wish for continued cooperation in guarding against evil, then subtly leaned onto Dwalin as Dain offered thanks with no sign that it was somewhat grudging. 

Bilbo walked up to Thranduil and gave him a beautifully crafted silver and pearl necklace, apparently feeling none of the nervousness that Kíli was sure Fíli was hiding. Thranduil’s mouth turned up ever so slightly at the corner, shocking the hell out of Kíli, and the elf said something quietly about “elf friend”.

Then Kíli almost felt Fíli grit his teeth, and Kíli steeled himself in sympathy with his brother, knowing how difficult it still was to walk. Fíli moved slowly to stand in front of Thranduil, bowed as best he could with the cane, and gave the elf a small bag of fine thin chainmail filled with sparkling emeralds. Thranduil looked down at Fíli and thanked him, all the while managing to keep his nose in the air. Even for Kíli, Thranduil was a difficult elf to tolerate, and Kíli wouldn’t be sorry to see his back.

 

Fíli murmured sincere thanks to Thranduil’s son as he stepped over to Tauriel. He took a deep breath and held out his free hand, his other leaning on the cane. He looked up at the elf and her slanted hazel eyes as she held her hand out in return. Clasping the white slender hand gently in his, he caught a glimpse of his brother from the corner of his eye and turned his head slightly to see him wink at Tauriel. 

A burst of laughter nearly escaped his control. He shook his head and turned back to the elf with a small smile to see her eyes glittering with mirth. It was a welcome sight after so much - so much hardship, death, struggle ... seriousness. 

"Warrior. Tauriel. Thank you. Thank you for saving Kíli's life. I have no way to repay that." 

"I didn't do it for payment." 

"I know, but I would reward you if I could." 

"My reward is his life. He is … unique." 

A small smile from Fíli, "Yes." 

Another breath, back to seriousness. “Why didn’t you visit him while we were recovering?”

“I visited as often as I could, and did what I could, while he was unconscious. But after that, I didn’t think an invalid warrior would appreciate visits by a healthy one who he hardly knows. I wouldn’t.”

Fíli accepted that at face value and continued, "You should visit now, occasionally. It would be good for dwarves and elves to become more accustomed to each other." 

"Yes, Prince Legolas will send delegations. But I will not come." 

His face asked the question. 

"I'm a little bit in love with your brother,” she whispered, conspiratorially. 

She looked around, apparently indicating elves and dwarves alike, and then she looked back to him with that twinkle in her eyes and tiny crinkles at the corners. He saw the beauty then that Kíli saw; he didn't know elf skin could do that. 

Her face and voice were otherwise serious as she continued, “People might have a hard time with that." 

His newfound affection mixed with just a bit of frustration. _Damned mind readers._ His voice held a hint of a rueful smile when he said, "Yes, that might be difficult for some people to handle." 

Then Fíli realized he felt sad for Tauriel ... To never see Kíli again. She seemed to read his mind again. _(Damn it.)_

"My life is happier knowing that he exists. You keep him well, King under the Mountain." 

"I shall. You stay well, Captain. And thank you." 

"Farewell, Fíli." 

"And you, Tauriel."

The elves turned as one at a signal from the elf prince and moved away. Gandalf and Bilbo moved slowly to follow, Bilbo clearly still wavering between excitement and regret. The company had already said their goodbyes and now stood respectfully as Bilbo reached out a hand to each as he passed on a little pony. He passed Kíli and Fíli last, and Fíli bowed his head solemnly. “At your service,” he said quietly.

“At yours and your family’s,” Bilbo smiled.


	5. Walk

Fíli and Kíli walked. And rested. And walked. Fíli pushed them hard to ensure their fears wouldn’t be realized. They _would_ return to their former vitality. Occasionally Kíli’s tired eyes, slight tension around the deep brown, tempted Fíli to slow down, to protect his brother from pain. But no, they both agreed that they had to push through the discomfort and exhaustion.

During a rest period, Balin reported that Bofur had returned and would be in to report shortly. 

"I’d like you and Dwalin here," Fíli said with anticipation, both he and Kíli eager for news.

Bofur entered with dusty clothes and his customary cheerful expression, though his face looked tired and a bit shy. "Sire," he nodded, removing the hat.

Fíli nodded back gravely, but followed quickly with a grin. "No more king stuff with me, all right. We went through too much together for that." Fíli waved toward a chair. "Please sit. Thank you for coming here directly."

Bofur grinned back, shoving his hat on his head. He sprawled in the wooden chair, tipping it back just a bit, easy informality back in an instant. Fíli found that he was relieved.

"So what news, man?!" Kíli blurted, thankfully never one to worry about formality.

"First thing ya gotta know, and brace yourselves, is your mother travels in the group." Bofur seemed to enjoy the brothers' shocked silence and slack jaws, chuckling as he continued.

"Yes, it's a bunch of eager, tough young warriors and your mother, who has them all wrapped around her finger." He paused, allowing Fíli a chance to say something. Nothing was forthcoming, so he continued. "She insisted she come, brooked no argument, left others in charge to prepare families who wish to move when they hear the mission proved successful."

Another long pause. "Guys? Anything?" 

"Uh. When will they get here?" Fíli said faintly, still in shock. His mother! To think in his worst moments not long ago he feared he'd never see her again, then knew it would be long months at best, and now she was almost here.

"A week. They picked up their pace after meeting us. And they had messengers to return home, well former home, with news. With luck, the families will be able to arrive just before next winter."

"Good news, my friend, the best," Fíli said, finally pulling himself through the initial shock.

Bofur smiled, happy and weary, tipped his chair back a bit more. 

“There’s more,” Balin interjected. “Not good, I’m sorry to say.”

“Let’s hear it,” Fíli said.

Bofur nodded, serious. “We were set on by orcs.” Fíli and Kíli straightened, and Dwalin became intent on Bofur’s words. “Everyone is fine,” Bofur assured them. “It was a small group. Creatures must have been desperate, very, to attack such a large group. Warriors at that.”

Bofur stared into the distance, looking to be gathering his thoughts and energy. “They were killed very quickly. Me and Bifur, we feared too quickly, like it was a trick. No, that was it. That was it.”

“Wizard said the body of the snake would cause some damage before it died,” Dwalin said.

“Bilbo mentioned orcs,” Kíli said, looked at his brother.

“Right… forgot about that,” Fíli mused. “Balin, Dwalin, you heard anything more?”

“No,” Balin responded, “Nothing from the humans either.”

“We’ll stay alert,” Fíli nodded. “Bofur, anything else?”

“Nothing that can’t wait.”

"Get some rest then. My thanks." Fíli said.

 

By the time the arrival of the second company from the Blue Mountains was imminent, Fíli and Kíli were taking much longer walks through the still dimly lit halls. As the brothers’ strength increased, Fíli turned his mind to life after escaping the infirmary. 

Fíli paced slowly, Ori beside him in case he needed support, cane clicking on the stone floor. Kíli was somewhere behind him with Bofur, in quiet conversation punctuated with occasional gasps of pain, quickly suppressed. Fíli longed for their own space, freedom, and he wanted to actively work for his new home, yet… He had enjoyed this peaceful interlude with Kíli, where they had no choice but to stay close, to work together. Soon he would have a choice. Would have to make a choice, and he was resolved to make the hard one - to separate from his brother for the good of them both. He refused, _refused_ , to ever again acknowledge the intense feelings he had barricaded.

 _My brother, my best friend, that is what he is, nothing more. Even brothers and best friends don’t sleep together and hold hands._ Affection mixed with disgust. 

_Disgust. I don’t think that’s mine._ Fíli realized he was imagining what others would think, which was frustrating in itself. _I’ve never been much concerned with that before._

He stumbled, grimaced, but managed to suppress any sound of pain. Ori steadied him with a look of concern. “I am fine,” Fíli said, trying to sound grateful when he resented needing help.

 _Kíli_ , he thought immediately as he slowed down so his brother could catch up. He needed to discuss this all with his confidante. _Shit._ He tripped again, and felt another stab of guilt at his annoyance with Ori’s helping hand. He couldn’t do _that_ \- couldn’t share this with Kíli. And so he made a conscious decision to focus his mind on the pain that he usually ignored. Fíli took it in, tried to be present in the ache. 

Yet his mouth was dry, tasted sour, Kíli’s soft voice became an irritating temptation. This wasn’t good enough. He took a deep breath, and breathed in the ache in his barely healed leg, the shake in the arm holding the cane, the painful stretch of his chest as it expanded with his breathing, the burning in his lungs. His body wanted him to stop, to take a break from this onslaught, but he refused it, pushed on, the pain now suppressing thought.

 

The brothers had only just heard of the second company’s arrival and were being helped into fresh shirts by Ori and Glóin when the door flew open and their mother rushed into the room, Óin on her heels.

“Madam, please, quietly,” Óin yelled.

“Quiet, _really_ ,” Dís grumbled.

Fíli and Kíli, momentarily startled, smiled at their usually stoic mother moving like a youngling.

She stopped in the middle of the room, taking in the sight of her two sons, injured but alive. Alive. Kíli moved first. He moved as quickly as he could and hugged her, holding on like he was a dwarfling. 

"Kees," she murmured, hugging back as tightly as she dared. 

"I'm so glad to see you, Mama. I feared I wouldn't."

"Me, too, sweetheart. Me, too."

He slowly pulled back, hands on her arms and bent to kiss her cheek. She put her hand on his cheek and smiled up at him. She grabbed a hand and squeezed, and then she walked over to Fíli.

She hugged Fíli like he was a dwarfling, not letting go for long moments. "My lion, how fare you?"

"I'm well, Mama," he whispered. "I'm sorry Kíli got hurt."

"Oh, Fíli.” She pulled back and laid her hand on his cheek. “I missed you."

"And I you."

They sat down at the small table in the room. Ori left mugs of water for each, then he and Glóin quietly expressed their happiness to see Dís and slipped out of the room. The little family talked quietly of good times in the past, of memories of Thorin, of the harrowing journey. Only the brothers' near deaths were excluded from conversation. Dinner quietly appeared in front of them.

Finally, Óin put his foot down and politely but firmly ushered Dís out of the room.

 

“Fee, what’s wrong?” Kíli asked as they lay in bed in the dark, quiet room.

“Hm?” Fíli said sleepily, eyes closed. “Nothing.”

Kíli turned his head to look at Fíli. “Come on. You’re brooding like Thorin.”

“No one broods like Thorin!” Fíli said, opening his eyes and turning his small grin to Kíli.

_At least that’s nice to see_ , Kíli thought. He returned the smile. “Well you’re giving it a go tonight!”

“Can’t I keep one thing from you?” Fíli teased.

“Absolutely not, and you should know that,” Kíli said, mock indignantly. He kept his voice light, playful, but in truth he was just a bit hurt that Fíli was keeping something from him. It was a rare occurrence, one that always made him feel wary, unsettled. As the silence stretched, his concern ratcheted up just a notch. He told himself, as he always had, that as close as they were, they were still two separate beings, with distinct thoughts. Which was a good thing. _A good thing… We don’t have to tell each other_ everything, he kept telling himself.

Finally Fíli took a breath to respond. “I’m unsure I’m ready to be king,” he said quietly.

Kíli could tell that was true, still felt Fíli was holding something back, forced himself to let it go and focus on what Fíli was sharing. “I don’t blame you,” Kíli said honestly, not wanting to gloss over Fíli’s concerns. “I would be, too.” A pause while he gathered his thoughts, added humor without being dismissive. “It’s going to be a ridiculous amount of work, and you’ll have to behave yourself almost all the time, and no more carousing.”

“I don’t ‘carouse’!”

“Sure you don’t.” Kíli said. “Sometimes it’s going to be horrible. And horribly difficult. And it’s not fair you have to do it already. But you are ready. You were meant to be king someday, and you’ll be a _good_ one.”

“I hope so.”

“I know you will. Especially since I’ll be there to keep you in line.”

Kíli had mostly been joking, but Fíli seemed to take him seriously. “I hope so, Kee. I hope you’ll always remind me of who I am. No matter what happens.”

_No matter what happens?_ Kíli wondered what that meant, but decided not to press it tonight. “Get some sleep, Fee. You will do well.”

“Thank you, Kee. Good night.”

It took Kíli longer than normal to go to sleep, _no matter what happens_ rattling around his tired mind.


	6. Wonder

Their company cheerfully welcomed Fíli and Kíli to their new suite. A large common area with high sloped ceiling and stone walls led into spacious bedrooms on either side, each equipped with its own small fireplace and bathing room. Newly polished, sturdy wooden furniture adorned each meticulously cleaned room. Fíli thought the bed and chair in his room were too intricately carved, the mattress a little too thick, but he was assured (and teased) that kings required such marks of status. He wouldn't have complained anyway, with his friends and mentors beaming at Kíli and him with pride and affection. The company had gone to personal trouble to see them comfortable.

Bofur had managed to lug in a barrel of ale, which Fíli suspected had been half emptied by the time the brothers were ushered in by Ori and Óin. A fire burned merrily in the large stone fireplace as the dwarves spewed profanity and insults at each other in response to exaggerated tales of fighting prowess. The group had become quiet and respectful as Fíli and Kíli walked in slowly, but the jovial atmosphere quickly returned.

Ale on top of the low dose of pain medicine all too quickly left Fíli struggling to stay engaged. He saw Balin narrow his eyes just slightly and then begin ushering the others out of the room. The company left laughing and joking, very gently clapping the brothers’ shoulders.

Fíli slowly closed the heavy wooden door on the two guards already in place just outside and quietly sighed, still facing the door. He stood that way for long moments, preparing himself. It was time to say goodbye to Kíli his childhood brother, his security blanket, and move on to an adult relationship. It was best for them both. So he kept telling himself.

Behind him Kíli was still seated, finishing a mug of ale, chuckling at Nori's parting gibe. Fíli turned around, leaning his back against the solid door, and looked at Kíli fondly. Kíli had noticed nothing amiss. Fíli imagined his back also leaning against the forbidden door in his mind, suppressing unwelcome thoughts.

He most definitely squashed any thoughts having to do with regret at losing his bedmate. He knew he wanted Kíli in his bed, truly as a brother only - but now that he knew that room in his head existed, he felt it too dangerous a temptation and unfair to Kíli.

Fíli grabbed his mug and sat down gingerly in a chair across from Kíli. He sipped at his dregs of ale, wanting to prolong the comfortable silence. 

"Finally our own rooms," Kíli said, pleased.

"Right? I couldn't take that cramped infirmary any longer!"

"And Óin," they said in unison, with affection and exasperation.

"We made it, Fee," Kíli said, suddenly serious.

Fíli looked at his brother intently, worry forgotten for the moment in Kíli's intensity. "We made it," Fíli repeated with feeling, so much hardship, fear, and pain, relief and _pride_ in those words. "I'm not sure I would have without you."

"I know I wouldn't have without you." 

"Well, it's a good thing we have each other then," Fíli said, then wondered if he was sending the wrong message. Annoying and uncharacteristic worry was now all too hard to shake.

Kíli just nodded absently, the statement was a given. 

_I'm putting it off,_ Fíli thought, wondering whether this was really necessary. _It is._ "We even have our own rooms now!" he forced out with false cheerfulness.

Kíli looked at him sharply, probably hearing the tone more than the words. "Yeah, it's great," he agreed hesitantly.

"Finally our own space," Fíli continued. "And it just took becoming king to get it."

Strained laughs. Fíli couldn't take it anymore. "Well I better get some sleep. Good night, Kíli."

Fíli could barely maintain eye contact with his brother, but he wouldn't be that much of a coward. He saw hurt in the dark eyes, but mostly confusion. _Those soulful eyes, so dark with mysteries he would reveal to me if I just- What am I_ thinking?

"Right," Kíli broke into his thoughts, hesitantly, almost like a child, almost breaking Fíli's heart. "Good night, Fee." Fili steeled that heart, though, reminding it he was doing this for Kíli, to protect him from a love that he was sure shouldn't be.

Fíli turned his back on his brother, his best friend, his confidante and walked into his new bedroom. He desperately hoped they could still be those things for each other without the physical closeness. He slowly removed his clothes, avoiding getting into the bed by himself. 

But he had to get in bed, and it was uncomfortable and strange not having Kíli there. It had just been normal his whole childhood. He never knew to question it until he was much older and by then he just shrugged his shoulders. But that was before… before. He shut his thoughts down.

 

Kíli couldn't sleep. His room was so silent, too quiet, he had breathed in time to Fíli. Fíli, his anchor, thankfully found, but now... _Not here. Not here. Mahal, not here. But he's in the next room, not gone, I think I'm going crazy..._ He tried to focus on his breathing, couldn't find a rhythm.

Kíli's breathing was too shallow, his jaw clenched, chest and shoulders tensed, stomach in knots. He convinced his lungs to take two slow, deep breaths, but he couldn't sustain it as his thoughts continued to race. His right foot shook, and he kicked that foot against the bed in frustration.

He tried running through a litany of things that were right. Fíli and he were regaining their strength, they were out of the infirmary, they had their ancestral home back, their mother was there, and on and on. He and Fíli had a bond, an understanding that few shared. Yes, Kíli still had his best friend. _Right? What are you hiding, Fee? Why are you hiding it?_

He stretched, arms above his head, legs lengthened, which felt good momentarily, as his chest opened up, limbs relaxed. His body immediately tensed back up. He rolled on his side, tried yet again to empty his mind with deep breaths, but the tension returned in an instant. He flopped back onto his back. He stared into the darkness, hoping that forcing his eyes open would make them want to close.

He tried to focus on his senses, the enveloping darkness of the room, the quiet whisper of air in the ventilation shafts, thin sheet on skin, the lingering scent of wood smoke, and taste of- _Oh come on, I don't taste anything right now._ And he was back where he started.

It made sense that they sleep alone now, so why did this feel like rejection? He felt like a lost child, helpless and abandoned, told himself he was being irrational, couldn't make himself believe it. _I'm an adult._ He didn't feel like an adult, no matter how many times he reminded himself of the simple facts of his age and experience.

He finally focused his thoughts on how to coax Fíli’s secret out of him. Kíli didn't come up with anything that seemed useful, but he had given himself something to think about other than being alone. His thoughts ran in confusing spirals as he finally drifted to an uneasy sleep.

 

Kíli hated waking up alone. It reminded him of his lonely and painful recovery from near death. It reminded him of the panicked times he was separated from his brother during the journey, practically the first times in their lives. 

It also reminded him that he was an adult, second in line to a throne, and in a mountain with more than enough living space. There really was no reason for Fíli and him to share a room. None but that he, Kíli, still wanted to do so. He wanted to roll onto Fíli while half asleep, feel his brother's hand as he pushed him over with an exasperated grunt or flung an arm around him in his sleep. He wanted to feel Fíli's warmth, hear him breathe. 

“But I’m an adult,” Kíli softly repeated out loud his thought from the night. He stared at the ceiling, willing his mind to accept the situation, to adapt, to hide his disappointment from Fíli.

 

Fíli woke up disoriented. True, he was in a new room, but he remembered that. Something else wasn't quite right.

"Kíli," he gasped, abruptly sitting up, painfully jarring his leg. For another disconcerting second, he wondered where Kíli was before sleep-dulled memory returned. They were in separate beds, by his own choice. 

"Time to be king," Fíli whispered to the silent room.


	7. Work

Dís, Fíli, and Kíli walked side by side down long, well lit halls toward the catacombs. These halls had been among the first to be cleared of debris and cleaned, and they would be kept spotless. 

Fíli glanced at his mother and then brother. Both like him were dressed in their finest clothes, faces solemn. Fíli thought that Kíli, tall and straight with his hair tamed and clipped back, looked more a king than Fíli himself did, with his tired eyes, clicking cane, and limp.

Not that any of that mattered right now. He straightened his shoulders and kept his eyes straight ahead toward the final resting place of his dead uncle, the dwarf who should be king.

The three stopped on the threshold of the cavern, seeming to take deep breaths in tandem. Fíli and Kíli waited for Dís to step through first, then followed together.

The cavern was dimly lit with torches and candles that were tended around the clock. The ceiling, though high, was lower than many dwarven halls, and the air was heated by the flames. Both contributed to a feel of gravity, heaviness. Tombs stretched back as far as could be seen, with the monuments toward the front reserved for kings. Thorin's tomb was a large raised rectangle of polished white stone, simple but elegant, upon which lay the elven sword Orcrist. Creamy white candles burned on tall iron stands on either side.

The small family walked as one to stand in front of the tomb, a son on each side of mother. They stood in silence for some time, holding hands, heads bowed. Tears glistened on their faces. Each said a few quiet words in turn.

Eventually Dís squeezed her sons’ hands and asked for a moment alone. Fíli squeezed back and nodded. They both backed away as Dís knelt down, then stepped out quietly. 

Just outside the chamber, Fíli felt so strangely lost that he glanced over to Kíli for strength. Kíli still stood tall, but his face held such sadness that Fíli turned toward him and pulled him into a hug without thinking. Kíli wrapped his arms around him, and Fíli buried his face in Kíli's shoulder. 

Fíli's breathing deepened, and he recalled how when they were very young, he once wondered why children needed blankets or stuffed toys to sleep. He hadn't realized until much later that Kíli and he had filled that role for each other. He held on now like they were little again, grateful they were together at this moment.

 

Fíli’s first working day as king started with sadness and all too quickly moved into non-stop work. The day didn’t go as Kíli had expected. He had pictured Fíli sitting on a throne, hearing petitions, answering questions, giving orders. He did not picture traipsing around all day with a pack of advisors as he watched Fíli suppress his pain. It was learning and moving and sweating and debating and negotiating. And it was pain and pushing past exhaustion.

Kíli admired Fíli’s ability to hide his pain from most everyone as he limped on his cane. Only those closest to Fíli could see the subtle tightness around his eyes, the stiffness in his back. Kíli started out fine, adrenaline from the new experience keeping him going. But his body weakened quickly, and he figured he was suffering nearly as much as Fíli, just not hiding it as well.

_Fíli can’t keep this up much longer. I can’t keep this up much longer._

Kíli tried to separate Fíli from the group, just for a second, but he couldn’t find an opportunity. Dain, Balin, Dwalin, and Glóin each had progress and problems to show Fíli, issues to explain, goals to discuss - and Fíli insisted on seeing everything for himself. The group was surrounded by guards, a mix of dwarves from Dain’s group and the new warriors. Dain and Dwalin refused to allow Fíli to live or move without a contingent of guards, regardless that they were in their own mountain. 

Kíli maneuvered himself just behind his brother. “Fíli,” he whispered during a gap in conversation, close to his brother’s ear. Fíli tilted his head back just a bit as he watched young dwarves who had trained as warriors attempt to rebuild an old forge. “I need a break.”

Fíli nodded. “Dain,” Fíli said, voice still strong, stoic. “Could you spare any craftsmen and laborers who would be willing to help us re-establish industry here?”

Dain nodded. “My first group of warriors leaves tomorrow. I’ll send word.”

 _Well, that was a good idea. Fíli’s handling this well._ And then to Kíli’s surprise, and vast relief, Fíli said it was time to get dinner.

 

Even with a fraction of the population that could fit in the mountain, the partially restored dining hall was an ocean of noise. Building and cleaning were ongoing, again with a contingent of warriors serving as workmen. Many sat at long wooden tables drinking ale or eating. 

Kíli and Fíli slowly settled onto benches while the guard stood in a semicircle behind them and the others went for food. Kíli saw Dís, Bombur, and Óin at the front of the room near the kitchens deep in conversation with two elves and a man, likely working out trade logistics. Elven goods had been purchased to feed and care for the current population, and the second company had brought some drink and supplies, but it was most important to establish regular trade.

After everyone was settled, Fíli asked, “How are the humans getting on?”

“Much the same as us,” Balin responded. “Bard is using his gold to purchase elven supplies, and they’re using every able hand they have to clean and rebuild Dale.”

“Unlike us,” Dwalin rumbled, “their first working establishment was a tavern.”

Fíli snorted, and Kíli laughed. “Was their second a brewery?” Fíli smirked.

“You are a knowledgeable king indeed,” Dwalin teased.

“How’d they stock the tavern?” Fíli wondered.

“Some mix of foresight and an unfair share of luck led a group of them to evacuate with full barrels and then scavenge more from the wreckage later,” Balin answered. “They've got wine from the elves, too, of course, but ale is most in demand. I expect they’ll be producing it in quantity very soon.”

 _Leave it to the enterprising humans to manage to save beer from a town almost completely annihilated by a dragon,_ Kíli thought in wonder mixed with a bit of admiration.

“We sent dwarves to help build the tavern,” Balin continued. “Figured could help relations.”

“Good idea, my friend,” Fíli nodded, slowly standing up. “Gotta get moving before my leg refuses to cooperate.”

Kíli groaned inwardly, wishing Fíli would just let them both get to bed, and it seemed Fíli read his mind.

“Kíli, you can go back to our suite now,” Fíli said quietly. Kíli just rolled his eyes in response - he would do his best to support Fíli’s efforts to establish himself… so long as it didn't damage Fíli’s body.

The last stop of the evening was to Dwalin’s newly established training hall, a large, long room, with characteristic high ceiling. Wooden benches lined one side, while practice weapons and attire of all type adorned the other side. Dwarves practiced fighting techniques in the room, while officers of Dain’s contingent yelled instructions.

“Nice work, this,” Fíli said to Dwalin and Dain. Fíli’s expression mirrored Kíli’s feelings as he eyed the room with longing. _Soon, maybe tomorrow, I want it to be tomorrow._ Kíli wanted to regain his skills, exercise his muscle memory… And then they were moving on, setting a schedule for the morning, saying good night.

And so the day ended in exhaustion and sore muscles for king and prince. Both tumbled into bed with barely a word, stiff and worn out.

 

Kíli dreamed. _The king’s taken back the throne._ Thorin in the grip of madness yelled nonsensical orders. Fíli yelled back, trying to take control, trying to accomplish everything himself in a matter of minutes. Fíli locked Kíli in their rooms. Fíli wouldn't let him out. Fíli said he loved him. But if that were true, why was he locking him away? Fíli was only trying to protect him. Fíli was destroying him. “Fíli!” Kíli screamed. “I can handle it alone,” Fíli said through the keyhole. 

Kíli beat at the door with his fists, vainly tried to kick it down, screamed noiselessly for Fíli, couldn't get Fíli’s attention, Fíli was gone, gone being king. _Fíli, I can taste your fear. No one else can, you hide it, but I can feel it. Let me out. Let me help._

Kíli half-woke up, wondered where he was, half-remembered Fíli saying he’d have no more bad dreams, started to get angry, thought how unfair it was to expect that of Fíli. Kíli sank back into uneasy sleep, exhausted, but mind racing. _The king’s taken back the throne. Please. Please let me out._

 

Kíli yelled.

Fíli jerked upright, startled from exhausted sleep by fear. _Kíli._ He laid back down, tried to recapture oblivion, worried that he’d really heard something. Slowly, stiffly, he removed the covers, maneuvered his legs over the edge of the bed, carefully placed tired feet on the floor. He took a deep breath, grabbed his hated cane off the nightstand and stood up. He opened his door and hobbled out of his room toward Kíli’s. _Of course your door is open, my brother. You've nothing to hide. You've never had anything to hide._

Fíli hobbled tiredly into Kíli’s dark room, sat carefully on the very edge of Kíli’s bed. Kíli thrashed in his sleep, his forehead shining in the dim light of smoldering ashes in the fireplace. 

Fíli very slowly and gently placed a hand on Kíli’s forehead. Kíli almost immediately exhaled, stilled. Fíli left his hand there for a few minutes, glad he could do that much for Kíli. Then he hobbled back to his room, shut his door.

 

Kíli woke up, surprisingly rested given his upsetting dreams that still felt disturbingly prophetic. He got himself out of bed and ready to go quickly, determined to just ask Fíli what he was hiding, thinking his dreams had told him, wanting to _know_.

The common room was silent, and Fíli’s door was open. Fíli had left without him. Kíli groaned in frustration, then set out to find his brother.

Kíli headed to the training hall, because that’s where he wished to be. And sure enough, Fíli was there alone. Kíli leaned against the door frame, arms crossed.

 

Fíli was determined to strengthen his leg enough to quit using the cursed cane. And he still lacked stamina. He was practicing the first martial arts form taught to dwarflings, and he performed it worse than the least physically inclined dwarfling imaginable. Still, it was a start.

He felt eyes on him, knew whose they would be. “You can come in,” Fíli said, without breaking his stance. From the corner of his eye, he saw Kíli straighten and uncross his arms.

“That’s about the worst version of the first form I've ever seen,” Kíli said with a grin in his voice.

“You confirmed by thoughts,” Fíli grimaced. “Let’s see if you can do better.”

Kíli finally moved into the room, settled into an awkward fighting stance a few yards from Fíli. “My muscles remember,” Kíli said, sounding relieved, “but they can’t quite do it.”

“Exactly. We need to do this every day,” Fíli responded.

Kíli just nodded absently, shifting slowly to the next position. Fíli was pleased – Kíli was in a bit better shape than Fíli was. Fíli continued trying to hold the first stance.

“Fíli?” Kíli said, hesitantly, breath beginning to quicken as he changed stance again. 

_Shit, here it comes._ “Yeah.”

“You don’t have to do all the work yourself,” Kíli said, which wasn't what Fíli had expected. A bit of a relief.

“I’m not,” Fíli got out between gasping breaths. “You saw all the work the others have been doing.”

“Yeah, every bit of it. We could've just heard about most of it.”

“Not good enough.”

Kíli just groaned. “Try to take it easy today?”

Fíli felt a bit guilty not answering, but he didn't want to lie.

 

The morning officially started in the dining hall with the members of Thorin’s company. These dwarves of disparate backgrounds, some of whom could've never dreamed of and wouldn't have wanted such a position, formed Fíli’s first council. Fíli trusted no one more and had of course seen their loyalty and mettle first hand.

Bofur was sent off as unofficial liaison to the humans – his down-to-earth cheerfulness tended to put even the most aloof and skeptical at ease. With Bifur as quiet companion and guard, it was hoped that Bofur would learn truths that didn't make it through official channels, but most of all help establish rapport between humans and dwarves.

Fíli sent Kíli with Dwalin to establish a training regimen for the young warriors. Kíli didn't look happy about it, but thankfully said nothing.

Óin and Ori left for the infirmary, Bombur returned to the kitchens, and Dain and the others matched Fíli’s slow walk to Dain’s, now Fíli’s, makeshift council room. It was clean and held all the maps that could be salvaged from the wreckage under the mountain, but the table and chairs were mismatched and old and the bookshelves had seen better days. Fíli supposed it didn't really matter, but he added an official-looking room for hosting diplomats to his lengthening to do list.

Two men and a woman entered, escorted by human and dwarven guards, soon after Fíli had settled stiffly into a chair at the table. Fíli shot a glance at Dain – he had expected Bard to be in the group. Dain just shook his head, looking annoyed.

After introductions were exchanged, the human leader, a woman named Orela, apologized for Bard’s absence. In a refreshing display of honesty, she explained that Bard was struggling for position as king of Dale. The opposing coalition was stirring up anti-dwarf resentment, and Bard’s allies thought it best for him to appear distanced from dwarves for the time being. She apologized again.

Fíli saw that some of his companions looked angry, but he just shrugged. It made sense. “We need a strong Dale, and Bard will make that happen,” Fíli said. “We’ll do whatever necessary to support him, even if it means keeping our distance in public.”

Orela nodded her thanks, and then launched into another issue currently aiding Bard’s opposition. “Orcs,” she said simply.

Now Fíli shared a glance with Balin. _So the attack on the second company wasn't an isolated incident. Damn._

“We've received two reports of orc packs raiding supplies,” Orela related. “People have been injured, though luckily none have died. It may be a matter of time, though, as the beasts become more desperate. From the information we've gathered, they seem disorganized and weak, yet this is a serious concern and one that the opposition seems to be using with disgusting glee.”

 _A concern indeed,_ Fíli thought, one they obviously didn't need. “I’d like all of the information you've gathered, no matter how apparently insignificant. We’ll try to trace the creatures to their source.”

Orela thanked Fíli, and the discussion moved on to detail every common concern and interest between human and dwarves. Fíli was surprisingly exhausted when the meeting finally ended and he went for a late lunch. 

And then it was more walking and more aching and more cataloguing of needs, and Fíli felt like he was repeating the day before. At some point he started to feel self-conscious of the cane, his exhaustion leading him to imagine that eyes watching their new king were filled with scorn. 

Fíli thought about what Kíli would say if he shared this concern, figured he might as well ask him. Kíli was sure to have some way to make light of it, make Fíli forget about it. He glanced back for his brother and remembered he wasn't there. After lunch, Fíli had sent Kíli to ask their mother something about elven trade. It had seemed important at the time, though why wasn't coming back to Fíli now. 

Fíli sighed, walked, ached, catalogued, walked… and eventually dropped in bed again, too tired to seek out Kíli’s thoughts. _Maybe tomorrow…_ , and then he was out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is burning a bit (a lot) more slowly than I expected. I promise we're getting somewhere!


	8. Seek

Fíli began each subsequent day early in the morning with forms in the training hall. Usually he was alone, sometimes Dwalin or Kíli joined him. Kíli knew his own body needed rest between sessions, but he couldn’t get Fíli to acknowledge that his did as well. Kíli feared that Fíli would damage his healing progress rather than accelerate it. Kíli had asked Dwalin to talk to Fíli, but Dwalin was too accustomed to obeying a king.

Fíli’s strength was prevailing so far, as he began to use the cane less often. Kíli congratulated him, Fíli shrugged. Kíli could feel their bond still, but it was something in the background of constant movement. They rarely spoke more than a few words to each other.

Late one morning Kíli returned to the council room from carrying a message to Óin, like some errand boy. He stopped just inside the doorway and watched Fíli at the head of the table deep in discussion with Balin. Kíli’s eyes narrowed. Were there…? Yes, Fíli was now showing dark circles under his already tired eyes. Kíli settled one hand on his hip, absently chewed a fingernail on his other. _Damn it, Fíli._ Kíli dropped his hands and strode toward the table. He announced rather peevishly that Óin had acknowledged the message. Fíli barely flicked a glance in his direction as he continued the conversation with his old advisor.

Kíli dropped into a chair. He thought they were waiting for more representatives from the humans. And so they were. The contingent arrived, whatever they were representing. He missed the introductions in his concern for Fíli’s health.

 

A man with grey hair and a greyer voice droned on about Dale's historic architecture and ways current dwarven rebuilding assistance may or may not be affecting it. Kíli so far had managed to keep his eyes on the speaker, face carefully blank, but he didn't hear a word being said.

 _Of course Fíli wouldn't send me on a stupid errand now._

A quick glance at the king showed a face full of patience, but eyes having a harder time focusing and hiding pain and exhaustion. The king's face looked thinner, too. _Fíli doesn't need to be at this meeting,_ Kili thought, frustration growing. 

Kíli quickly got his eyes back on the droner. If he looked at Fíli any longer, his own anger would bubble over and he'd attempt dragging Fíli forcefully to Óin. Fíli wouldn't forgive him for that. 

Kíli started considering it anyway out of sheer desperation and boredom. He _missed_ Fíli. Saw him every day, but rarely interacted as more than acquaintances. Kíli knew it was the pressure Fíli was under and took no offense. But he hated it, felt lonely, useless. And he still couldn't figure out what Fíli was hiding. As his mind wandered, he considered yet again what Fíli was trying to hide - other than his pain, exhaustion, and nerves about being a young king. 

Clearly, Fíli was keeping Kíli at a distance. That had become apparent as the number of times Fíli sent Kíli off on some minor task or errand piled up. Some of the man’s ramblings broke into his thoughts. “…structure needs protection, not…”, “…but how can you protect the…”. Kíli dragged the voice into focus. The man was saying something about protecting or restoring ancient carvings or something. Kíli let go of that momentary focus. 

“Blah blah blah” sounded in the background as his mind wandered. _Protection… protecting me. SO obvious._ Kíli had to stop his hand from smacking his forehead. Yes, Fíli feared for Kíli for … what? Why? _We're in no danger here…_

 _He’s protecting me from some unseen danger like I'm still a child,_ Kíli thought, frustrated. He wondered how to get through to Fíli - if not to convince him Kíli no longer needed protection, at least get him to acknowledge that a king didn't have to do _everything_. That would be a start.

"Blah blah blah blah," Kíli still heard from the man. His foot started tapping, and he forcefully pressed it flat to the floor. He couldn't come up with a 'why', and he felt like he was tiring from trying not to fidget. He was thankful the room was well ventilated at least. Had it been stuffy, he might well be asleep.

Dori started asking questions. He seemed ... interested? _Oh Dori, please stop encouraging him._ This was getting ridiculous. Dori could, should, be handling this and reporting back to Fíli. 

Kíli couldn't take it anymore. He stood up abruptly, his chair scraping loudly on the stone floor. "Fíli, I just remembered!" He put all the earnest concern he could in his face and voice as the room fell silent and everyone turned to look at him.

"My apologies for interrupting," Kíli said in his politest tone. "I just need a moment of the king's time."

A storm had crossed Fíli's face, momentarily erasing exhaustion from his eyes. Kíli was certain his brother was suppressing the urge to throw something at him, didn't care. 

"Excuse me," Fíli said quietly and followed Kíli out the door.

"What-" Fíli ground out the moment the door shut. 

Kíli interrupted him immediately. "What are _you_ doing?” _That sounded calm, right? I’m calm._

“ _I_ am meeting with Dale’s head architect, as you well know.

“But, Fíli, why? Why must you handle every little detail?” Kíli ran his hand back through his hair. “You are the king. You have aides. You don’t _do_ everything.”

“We've had this discussion. I’m new, I’m younger than everyone. I need to grasp everything before I can let some of it go.”

Kíli just sighed. Yes, they’d had this ‘discussion,’ such as it was. “What are you protecting me from?” he said abruptly.

Fíli started, focused slightly narrowed eyes on Kíli. “What do you mean?”

“Ah ha, you are!”

“I am what?”

“Protecting me from something. What is it? C’mon tell me.” Now Kíli actually felt like a child.

“You’re really doing this now?” Fíli shook his head. “I need to go back.”

“Let Dori handle it. He’s perfectly capable.”

“Stop it, Kíli. I’m going back in now.”

Kíli reached for his brother’s arm. “Fee, wait. Just one more minute.”

Fíli angrily shook off Kíli’s hand and went back in the room. Kíli stood in place stiffly, hands clenched by his side, eyes closed. He restrained himself from stupidly punching the wall like he wanted to do. Then he stomped away.

 

After yet another long day, Fíli nodded to the two armored dwarves guarding the door as he strode into his and Kíli's rooms nearly limp-free. He sighed as soon as the door shut behind him. He then limped entirely too slowly to his room, stripped to his underclothes, grabbed a robe, and moved back into the common room. He stoked the fire back to life and put water on to boil. Every last dwarf of the company, even those who had looked down on royalty, insisted he should have underlings do these types of tasks. He enjoyed their mundane, repetitive nature, though. They kept him grounded, made his life feel more normal. 

He allowed housekeeping, because who really wanted to clean up all the time? He would have done it anyway, but since dwarves insisted... He supposed he did deserve a few perks as king. And the round-the-clock guards, well, Dwalin would've posted them whatever he said, so he sagely said nothing. _Might as well keep up the appearance of being in charge,_ he chuckled to himself. Too, most of the young guards considered the post an honor.

He hobbled to his bathing room, hung a robe on a hook, and slowly removed the rest of his clothes. Then he carefully climbed into the bath tub, wincing at the uncomfortable angle this required of his leg, and sunk gratefully into the warm water.

So he let dwarves haul hot water to his rooms frequently, too. Maybe this king thing was going to his head after all.

He laid his head back, eyes closed, and just relaxed, the water and steam soothing his aching muscles. He didn't entertain any thoughts, not fighting them, but letting them pass by unacknowledged. 

Though still tired, too tired, his body felt somewhat rejuvenated after the bath and then a mercifully quiet cup of tea, with the only noise from the fire. When his mind started rattling off all the things he needed to deal with tomorrow, he headed for bed.

He laid down and stretched luxuriously, idly wondering when Kíli would stumble in. Of late Kíli had been spending evenings in company and drink, which Fíli supported but couldn't partake in. He thought it not very kingly to be seen out carousing. Drunk and boisterous in the dining hall was one thing, but bars another thing entirely. He wasn't up to it anyway. 

With the help of dwarves, the humans had established more taverns. Fíli figured that would do more for dwarf-human relations than all of his painstaking official diplomacy. Bofur had taken to his unofficial diplomat role with aplomb. He went naturally and cheerfully from bar to bar, supporting or downplaying appropriate sides in arguments so that dwarves and men were rarely exclusively on opposite sides during alcohol-fueled fights. One small win for Fíli while he struggled to establish official working relationships with Dale’s leaders. And the orcs… Bard’s opponents were gaining steam… blaming their presence on the dwarves, on Bard, on Bard’s relationship with the dwarves…

 _Stop. Tomorrow,_ he reminded himself sternly. _Deal with it tomorrow._

 

Fíli had just fallen asleep when a crash in the common room jolted him awake. A slurred curse at once told him Kíli was back rather than an unlikely invader managing to get past his guards. He settled back in as Kíli stumbled about, his attempts to be quiet causing more racket than he would have otherwise. That Fíli could ignore. He rolled his eyes and inwardly laughed at Kíli as he started to drift off.

A body landed in bed next to him, and he startled awake once more. Kíli, incoherently mumbling to himself, fumbled with the covers. 

"Kíli! What-" Fíli began but stopped when he heard Kíli's soft snoring. Fíli reached over and realized that Kíli had passed out on top of the covers fully clothed. A hard jab to his brother's ribs elicited no response. With a sigh and another eye roll, Fíli rolled over and fell asleep.

Fíli woke early as usual to find Kíli in the same position. He felt certain Kíli hadn't intended to end up in Fíli's bed. He looked so out of it, mouth slightly open, limbs slack and akimbo, in the previous day's wrinkled clothes. Despite, or maybe because of, the snoring and the drool, Fíli couldn't help but smile affectionately at his brother. He moved to brush hair out of Kíli's face, then stopped himself. _No. I won't touch him. I can't give in._

The king rose, dressed, left a pitcher of water and mug on the table by the bed, and left.

 

Kíli woke to a mild headache, dry mouth, and confusion. The room looked like his but wasn't quite right. He stretched, looking around, ah. 

_Oh._ Fíli's room. He grimaced in embarrassment until he realized that this meant Fíli hadn't kicked him out. That had to be a good sign. And did he...? Yes, he had left water by the bed for him. Fíli couldn't help looking out for him. Maybe he needed to get stumbling drunk more often. 

Right then Kíli decided he was sleeping in Fíli's bed until Fíli said he couldn't. Fíli might be able to push Kíli away during the day when surrounded by other dwarves, not to mention occasional elves and men. But Kíli would like to see him try alone late at night after a long day. He couldn't believe he hadn't thought of this before. He laid there admiring his brilliance until his body screamed for the water and a bath. 

 

A few days later, Kíli wandered into the training hall late in the morning to find Fíli still there. He was sparring with Dwalin, as a few of the youngest dwarves watched and other warriors drilled in squads. The hall was filled with the sounds of clashing weapons, battle chants, and orders, the smells of leather and sweat. 

Kíli sighed. He didn't think Fíli was ready for that, but shrugged. At least he understood this – he’d been itching to fight. So if Fíli was, he would, too.

Kíli walked along the wall, chose a practice sword, and took a couple light practice swings. He made his way over to the group watching Fíli and caught the attention of one. “Work with me?”

“Of course, sir,” the young dwarf responded.

 _Sir,_ Kíli laughed to himself, but managed not to snort. “I’m maybe at 50 percent,” he guessed honestly, without shame.

The other dwarf just nodded understanding as they moved to a clear area and stood on guard. Kíli fought terribly, no different than what he had expected, but he loved it - the movement of his muscles, the focus on the opponent, the absence of other thoughts. He felt a ridiculous half-grin on his face the whole time. Kíli held up a hand and thanked his partner as he saw Dwalin approaching in his peripheral vision. 

Dwalin nodded. “Get over there with your brother.”

 _Never gonna get a ‘sir’ from him._ “Dwalin, that was my first time. I’m already tired.”

“Now.”

Kíli felt like a dwarfling dragging his feet on a hated chore. Besides his fatigue, Kíli wasn't sure he was up to facing Fíli given their last significant interaction and where he had been spending the night.

Fíli graced him with an old familiar smirk, and Kíli felt some of his tension lift. _I can definitely handle him laughing at me._ As soon as they started circling each other, Kíli’s focus narrowed to the fight. Kíli knew they looked like beginners, as Dwalin grumbled instructions and shouted insults, but he felt better than he had since leaving the infirmary.

 

Fíli finally allowed himself somewhat of a break that day. Dain was leaving with most of his remaining army, and the Erebor dwarves lined up to see him off with ceremony. 

He hardly knew how his brain was getting his body to move after the sparring. It had felt amazing to finally use weapons, to actually work with Dwalin after all this time, but… pride warred with second thoughts. _Was I really ready for that?_ He was so tired of doubt. Fíli just kept pushing as he always did, sometimes in a fog, sometimes gritting his teeth in pain, but always moving, working, planning. 

And so Dain was gone, and this really was Fíli’s mountain. Fíli felt another flash of pride, and fear, and need. He missed Kíli. He just wanted to sleep.

Fíli returned to the training hall to observe activities. He watched and listened, letting his mind gnaw on the orc problem, on why his patrols had found nothing to lead them to a source, of how to hunt more aggressively or… and?... be sneakier. At some point his mind was just spinning.

Fíli tumbled into bed early, took an annoyingly long time to fall asleep. He felt Kíli slide into bed, kept his back to him. By some unspoken agreement, they had continued to share Fíli’s bed without touching, as if a childish line really did divide the bed in half. Fíli could still feel Kíli’s heat and hear him breathe, though. This, he admitted very quietly to himself, made the days just a bit more bearable.


	9. Struggle

Fíli’s days were a bit more bearable, but not by much. He was giving Bard all of the help under the table he possibly could, he had dwarves helping re-establish Dale in every way imaginable – he had even sent Kíli down there a time or two, Mahal help him – and Bard’s opponents still successfully resisted crowning Bard as king. They wished for someone of the old Master’s ilk, for a return to cronyism, and the continued orc raids only fueled their anti-Bard/anti-dwarf propaganda.

Fíli still needed to track down the orcs more aggressively. He was sure the survivors of the battle had holed up somewhere and were raiding for food, though some argued the trouble was separate roving packs. His groups of scouts had accomplished next to nothing. He needed something less obvious but was loathe to send anyone out alone.

He finished his morning training, shirtless, dripping with sweat, and frustrated with his lack of focus. That just wasn’t him. He moved slowly to a bench, stiff and tired but with a less apparent limp. He sat down, slouched, legs out in front of him, and ran a hand through damp hair. He’d have to bathe before going to his first appointment.

As Fíli’s breathing slowed, he recalled that Kíli and Dori had in fact left for Dale early this morning. He had been distracted enough to forget - not good. He wanted everyone safe in the mountain, Kíli especially. Yet he was afraid to have Kíli at his side, nor could he hold his closest friends prisoner for their protection. The king huffed in frustration and returned to his room.

  


Kíli and Dori worked in a tented storage area just outside of Dale, under clear blue sky, helping men and women load onto carts supplies that had been stored outside during the cold of winter. Many storage cellars in Dale were now cleaned and ready to be filled.

Although he didn't resent the work and was happy to help where needed, Kíli nevertheless felt as if he had been banished. He _still_ hadn’t figured out why Fíli was keeping him at arm's length. He was sure Fíli was protecting him from something, but if it was an external danger, then why was he out here?

And here he was surrounded by humans, even the women taller than him. He was too tall for the dwarves and too short for the humans, fitting in nowhere. He slammed a box onto a cart, heard the man near him say, "hey, take it easy," saw red, and almost turned with fists raised. He caught himself with a muttered "sorry" and moved to get another.

The man hadn't spoken with any ire or derision, was almost gentle. The dwarves never made him feel out of place, and with the exception of an unfortunately loud few, the humans were grateful for his help and treated him and Dori as one of their own. He wasn't himself, unusually insecure and jumpy. Which made him more insecure and jumpy. And angry.

True, he was getting spiteful looks from a couple of the workers, but they were easily ignored when the others clearly didn't share the problem. But he kept a wary eye on the dissenters anyway.

A yell sounded in the distance. Several people looked up from their work, but didn't seem concerned. A few more boxes were loaded, strapped down, and then a scream was cut off. Everyone stopped in place and faced toward the sound.

Kíli moved slowly toward the front of the group, eyes searching, and Dori moved up to his side. They heard more yells, and then Kíli saw why. Orcs. They were still in the distance, but the slumped forms were easy for him to discern.  


"Orcs!" Kíli barked. "Form up behind us."

Kíli spared a quick glance over his shoulder to see the reaction. Two men looked panicked and a scream was stifled, but otherwise a look of determination swept the group. Three armed guards moved to stand next to the dwarves. One turned, ordering the others to grab what weapons they could and line up behind them. No one needed to be told twice. Many had already grabbed shovels, hammers, whatever was at hand, and the others, men and women alike, quickly followed suit.

Kíli, Dori, and the three men nodded resolutely to each other and faced the oncoming pack. Around 20 of the creatures shambled toward them, howling with weapons raised. A chill early spring breeze lifted Kíli’s hair as he prepared to meet the charge.

Kíli fought back a moment of uncertain fear at his first engagement since he nearly died. He wasn't at full strength. _But I’m getting there, and I have no choice._

He glanced at Dori, who looked almost eager. "You ready, lad?" Dori asked quietly, strangely gentle despite the violence in his eyes, eyes that remained intent on the enemy.

And so he was. "Aye. I'm ready." He was a warrior, and a prince, and these people had lost their homes. There was no way he would allow them to lose their food or their lives to these slavering beasts. He easily summoned back the anger, raised his sword.

Kíli instinctively moved to the middle of the small group of warriors, and at a signal from him they moved forward and then charged.

Kíli was the point of the arrow that slammed into the orcs. With his sword he swept aside the first swinging weapon, decapitated the next creature. And then he was in the midst of rage and noise, bellows and screams and clanging weapons. Kíli’s vision narrowed to the red of battle and rage and blood. He was frantic and deliberate at once, and his anger sliced through bodies with an urgency bordering on glee. He broke through the haze long enough to see several orcs break for the civilians, yelled at a guard to fall back.

It was over quickly. Kíli and the others stood breathing heavily surrounded by dead or dying beasts. He dispatched one near him and realized how thin it looked. Not that an unhealthy orc looked much different than normal, but these looked... worse.

He moved to check on the humans. Many had sustained minor injuries, and one guard was limping, but Kíli was happy to see everyone was otherwise fine. They were trading tentative smiles and pats on the back, thanking the warriors.

As the adrenaline fled Kíli’s body, he just felt a sense of relief. He wiped off his sword as Dori moved to his side. "Kíli, stop," the older dwarf said.

Kíli raise an eyebrow, and Dori carefully grabbed and held Kíli's left arm. "Hold still a moment, let me bind this."

Kíli looked down to see a gash across his bicep. He hadn't even felt it. It didn't seem serious, but he let Dori rinse and cover it.

“One of us better report this to Fíli,” Kíli said quietly to Dori.

Dori nodded and moved to leave. “I’ll go.”

“But my arm. You’d be more help to them here.”

Dori rolled his eyes as he left. “Your brother would banish me forever if I let you walk up there alone.”

  


Fíli was angry. He was too often uncertain or angry, emotions he was unaccustomed to sustaining. The anger felt better, and was it ever flowing through him now. Kíli had been injured fighting orcs, and Fíli had been safe in the mountain. He wanted to throttle someone but had only himself to blame.

It didn't help that Kíli, Dori, and the humans had been wholly successful in their fight or that Kíli's injury was minor. The fact that Kíli faced it alone was Fíli's fault, because he wasn't strong enough to hold the door closed on his feelings when Kíli was nearby, not strong enough to keep Kíli close where he belonged. _Where he belongs._ This wasn't working, but he didn't know what to do. So he was angry.

He stomped through the halls armed with every knife he could get his hands on, ignoring the occasional twinge in his leg. He ignored passing dwarves, forced his way out the front doors. Dwalin might have been following, might have said something, but Fíli was absorbed in anger and a consuming need to see his brother. After far too long, he reached Dale. He didn't know where to go, but Dwalin asked questions of men and silently guided him to where Kíli was helping unload a cart.

Fíli stopped and absorbed the sight. Kíli with bandaged arm, moving stiffly, but comfortable with the men, trading barbs, _alive_. He strode toward Kíli, blocking out all thought. Kíli saw him and stopped his work, back straight, eyes intent. Fíli focused on those depthless eyes, nothing else, approached, enveloped Kíli in a hug.

Kíli stiffened in surprise for a split second, then returned the hug. "I'm fine, Fee, everything's fine."

"I know," Fíli murmured into Kíli's shoulder. "But it might not have been, and I should've been with you."

Kíli squeezed Fíli tightly, and Fíli felt... content. Rare lately. He sighed. _What am I fighting?_

Kíli pulled back but kept his hands on Fíli’s arms. Kíli locked his dark eyes on Fíli’s, wouldn’t let them go. “Fíli,” Kíli began, paused. “I appreciate your concern. Of course I do. But you need to recognize that I can – and I did – protect myself.”

Anger flashed back into Fíli’s head, but he determinedly squashed it. _Not now._

Fíli took a breath, stepped back, and clapped Kíli on the shoulder of his uninjured arm. "I'll help you finish up."

The king, prince, Dwalin, and humans packed the remaining boxes into a cool cellar. Kíli traded farewells with the humans, and the three dwarves began the long walk back up to their gate.

  


That night Fíli awoke with a start from a dream of fear, a typical one of running and getting nowhere, needing to fight but unable to grasp his swords, wanting to warn others but lacking a voice. He gasped, heart pounding, but quickly slowed his breathing by listening to his brother's steady exhalations. The thought that his brother could calm him so quickly brought a sleepy smile to his face.

Fíli rolled on his side toward Kíli’s back. As Fíli began to drift back off, he leaned forward and kissed Kíli's bare shoulder. Kíli stiffened, and Fíli froze.

"Fee?" Kíli whispered.

Fíli held his breath as Kíli relaxed and his breathing deepened. Fear crept in again as he wondered if Kíli had reacted that way from surprise or disgust.

Kissing his own brother... But their strengths complemented each other, they knew each other in and out, hated to be separated - why shouldn't they love each other?

_Because I’m expected to produce an heir. Yes._

_No. That is an excuse._ Some dwarves would like him to have a child, may find it an entertaining topic of gossip, but Fíli had an heir. And not any heir; Dain and his son were of Durin’s line.

The real reason still felt pathetic and painful. Fear. Fear unlike that felt before battle. Fear with no enemy to fight. He was terrified that Kíli would reject him. It was that simple.

He closed his eyes and once more focused on Kíli's breathing. He forced thoughts aside, gathered in the heat from Kíli's body, and after some time, drifted back to sleep.

  


Kíli dreamed that his brother kissed his shoulder. Soft, warm lips, gentle pressure.  


"Fee?" he whispered, half-awake in surprise.

Silence convinced him he had indeed dreamed it. He sunk back into sleep, hoping to continue the dream.

  


Fíli walked into the council room for an early-morning meeting with Dwalin and Balin. He still thought they needed a more official-looking room for larger meetings and hosting diplomats, but figured they’d get to that eventually.

Kíli had followed him in uninvited. Fíli couldn’t shake him. But why in the world was he trying to anyway? He was so very tired.

Fíli could swear some part of his brain was pounding on a closed door, asking him when Kíli ever required an invitation to spend time with him. They were brothers, they trained together, they very nearly died together, they had survived together… He shut it down. They were adults, responsible for a kingdom. No time to be soft. But oh, his mind kept betraying him – yelling louder that this had nothing to do with toughness and everything to do with fearing his feelings. _Eh, feelings are weak, too._ He ignored Kíli.

Balin launched into a litany of tasks for the day, varied, endless. Dwalin volunteered for several, Fíli decreed a few would have to wait. The list was still long, but Fíli was resigned to it. It was his responsibility and his privilege to rebuild the mountain with all that entailed, Dale, dwarven-elven-men relations, industry in the mountain, trade relations, a Dwarven army with modern arms...

“Why?” Kíli broke his train of thought.

Everyone turned to Kíli. “Why what?” Fíli asked, his annoyance out of perspective to the question. The question was fair, and he actually didn’t want a council of yes-men, but he was just too tired to entertain questions this morning – he needed to get started, build some momentum before he caved to exhaustion.

“Why do you have to attend the meeting of architects and builders?”

“Rebuilding Dale benefits us as much as the men,” Fíli said, reaching for the patience that used to come so naturally.

“I know that. Shit, Fíli, I’m not a complete idiot.”

“Could’ve fooled me,” Fíli jabbed. Rationally he knew he wasn’t mad at Kíli and that Kíli didn’t deserve his ire. But he wanted to argue, wanted to be mad at someone. Kíli was safe. And oh, wasn’t that an ugly thought. Take his anger out on the one closest to him. _Agh, I’m arguing with myself like an elderly lunatic._

He realized all three dwarves were staring intently at him. That pushed his anger up a notch. “If you don’t know why by now, you probably don’t belong here.”

Kíli looked like he had been struck. And then he just looked pissed. “If you aren’t willing to answer reasonable questions, you don’t belong here.”

“What do you mean by that?” Fíli asked, eyes narrowed, voice deceptively calm.

Not surprisingly, Kíli didn’t back down. “What do you think I mean?” Kíli asked, just as quietly.

Rationality threw in the towel – Fíli would get his fight. “I think you’re bordering on treason.” In Fíli’s peripheral vision he saw the other brothers’ jaws drop.

“Treason?!” Kíli was no longer quiet. And then he laughed. Kíli laughed at him, actually threw back his head and laughed in obvious derision. Last straw. “Get out.”

“Fee, come on, you’re being ridiculous,” Kíli said, voice still raised, but reaching for reasonable.

“Do not call me that,” Fíli yelled.

“Fee? Seriously? What am I to call you, your highness?”

“I have a name. Get out.”

“I’m trying to help you,” Kíli yelled.

“I don’t want your help!”

“You need help, you’re driving yourself insane.”

“You have no idea what it's like, coddled baby," Fíli yelled back.

"Coddled?! YOU are the one ‘coddling’ me, jackass."

"You’re not healed yet."

Kíli’s jaw dropped, and he just sputtered, eyes wide. Had Fíli been rational, he might have recognized how hypocritical he sounded. He wasn’t rational.

"All hail King Fíli, the high and mighty," Kíli managed to spit out.

"You son of a bitch!"

"What are you saying about our mother, King Fíli the wise?"

They both stood up.

"That she felt sorry for your pathetic puppy dog face and adopted you off the streets."

"Who knew King Fíli the perfect would slander his own mother?”

"Stop that." Fíli circled the table toward Kíli.

"Stop what, your highness?"

"THAT, immature little shit."

Dwalin’s and Balin’s demands that they keep their voices down seemed far away and insignificant. The tight rein on Fíli’s anger had finally snapped and, oh, did it feel good to yell.

Kíli threw a scroll at Fíli's face, easily swatted away.

"Get out," Fíli roared.

"Or what, o king?" Kíli sneered. He threw a mug at Fíli's head. Fíli dodged it and launched himself at his brother, fists clenched. Fíli knew better than to charge in blind anger, but that didn’t register either, until Kíli’s fist connected with his eye. Fíli cursed and swung back.

They fought as only siblings can, with shoves and punches and holds meant to hurt but not permanently damage. Balin and Dwalin jumped to intervene as the brothers circled each other with snarled obscenities.

"Close the door," Dwalin roared as Glóin and a group of warriors rushed in to check the source of the commotion. All but Glóin backed out, Glóin slamming the door. The older dwarves eventually managed to wrap strong arms around the brothers, who struggled to get back at each other.

"Get him out of here," Dwalin growled at Balin, who held Kíli. Glóin helped Balin wrestle the youngest out, closing the door behind them.

Fíli struggled to escape Dwalin's hold, obscenities still flowing. Dwalin's incoherent barking washed over him. Dwalin spun him around and punched him in the face. Fíli froze in shock. "Dwalin!"

"Sit down. Sire," Dwalin said, voice dripping with sarcasm.

Fíli sat. The old wooden chair creaked as he landed. He slowly worked his aching jaw back and forth, knowing Dwalin had pulled his punch. Fíli doubted he'd have much of a jaw to move had Dwalin not done so. "You didn't have to hit me."  


"Durin's beard, boy, I couldn’t get your attention. You and Kíli squabbling like adolescents..." He shook his head in disgust. "You are our KING, young though you are. Act like one!"

Fíli's breathing slowed, and the anger escaped, leaving weariness behind. He scrubbed his face with his hands and focused on Dwalin. "You're right, of course."

"What's the problem?" Dwalin said, straight to the point.

"Kíli acting a fool."

"That's not it. Out with it."

 _I'm in love with my brother._ Fíli wouldn't let that out, no matter that Dwalin felt almost like family. So he told another truth, letting the frustration show in his voice. "I get tired too quickly, and then I get more tired hiding that I'm tired."

Dwalin sighed and nodded. He grabbed another creaking chair and sat, apparently appeased. "That's to be expected, though I would hate it too." A pause. "You need help."

"Thorin didn't -"

"You're not Thorin!"

"I know that all too well," Fíli said, looking down.

"Then don't try to imitate him. Thorin was a great dwarf, but your situations are different. You are re-building your body while you build a kingdom and diplomacy from ashes. Accept help from everyone who offers. Ask it of others.”

“I can’t look weak.”

“Boy. No, you’re not a boy. Fíli. You’ve proven yourself already. You’re strong, you’re brave, you’re fair - everyone sees it.”

Fíli thought about it. Could that be true? He was so young to be king, sure he needed his hands in everything to demonstrate his commitment, his ability.

“Great leaders are great delegators.”

“Shit, that’s trite, Dwalin.”

Dwalin laughed. “Watch your mouth, I’ll always be bigger than you. Listen, I may be a simpleton like Kíli, but I’ve been around awhile.”

“I know you’re not simpletons,” Fíli sighed, again rubbing his face with his hands.

“Then. Let. Us. Help. You.”

Fíli stared at his hands, palms then backs. A knuckle was split, dried blood crusted across his hand. Some of it was probably Kíli’s. Dwalin was right. _Kíli_ was right. But he just didn’t know how to trust - trust that those he loved could protect themselves, that he could protect them without hiding them away in a mountain, that Kíli didn’t need protection from his brother… _How does one learn that kind of trust after what we’ve been through?_


	10. Accept

Kíli calmed just enough to be guided down the hall without attracting undue attention. Glóin and Balin passed his suite and ushered Kíli into his mother’s rooms. 

_Smart,_ Kíli thought ruefully, _I wanted to take a swing at one of them._

Dís caught the mood immediately and nodded calmly at the older dwarves as they left. Kíli dropped into an old chair at an old table, put his head on his hands.

Kíli rubbed his fingers across his forehead, leaving his hands on his cheeks, as a chipped ceramic mug landed in front of him. Dís poured tea from a battered iron kettle, reminding Kíli of Fíli’s infinite to do list and the need to establish workshops. 

The quiet domestic atmosphere pulled some anger from Kíli. His hands thudded on the table as he dropped his arms, eyes still down. Dís gently blotted blood from his lip.

He raised his eyes. His mother still looked straight and strong, but her face carried more lines, her eyes more sadness than before he had left on Thorin’s quest. 

“How are you feeling?” she asked as she sat down.

“Sore, tired, but fine. Better every day.”

“Fíli?”

“He’s sore and tired,” Kíli muttered, “He tries to hide it.”

“How is he handling his position?”

“Why don’t you ask him?” Kíli snapped, face flushing as anger’s ashes smoldered.

“He hasn’t had time. I’m asking you.”

“Mama, I don’t know. He doesn’t have time to talk, he sends me off on ridiculous errands, he’s always busy.”

Dís sipped tea, exuded calm. 

Kíli turned his palms up, absently examining his hands. “It’s like he’s stopped loving me,” he murmured. “I don’t know what happened.”

Kíli didn’t think he meant to say that aloud. He glanced up into his mother’s sharp gaze, snapped his eyes back down. 

“Impossible,” she stated.

“I know what I see. He’s not fully recovered and he’s working too hard, yes,” he growled, anger rekindling. “But that doesn’t explain why he wants nothing to do with me.”

He stood abruptly, knocking his chair back with a crash. “Forget it.”

Dís reached out a hand. “Please, sit back down.”

Kíli remained standing, stared straight ahead. “He’s too young to deal with all this.”

“It is too soon for Fíli to be king.” Now Dís looked down, face drawn in sadness. Then a deep breath, pride, as she raised her chin. “But he’ll do well.” 

Kíli’s caught his breath as his mother’s sadness broke through frustration. He righted the chair and sat down. “I’m sorry. You miss Thorin.”

“Yes. He was my friend.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

She nodded. “And I’m sorry for what you and Fíli have gone through.”

They sat in comfortable silence for a time.

“I wish Thorin had an heir,” Kíli said wistfully.

“Thorin had heirs,” Dís said gently. “Fíli inherited the title by law.” 

“But why? Why put that on you and on Fíli?”

Dís reached up to brush back an errant lock of Kíli’s hair, but stopped mid-motion – maybe she decided it was pointless, maybe that he was too old for it. She settled her hand over his. “Think, sweetheart. What happened to my father? And my grandfather? It wasn't weakness or distraction or irresponsibility that kept Thorin from having children. And it wasn’t just his difficult life. It was a strength. He loved children - remember how he doted on you. He feared he inherited mental illness and refused to pass it on. He hoped it hadn't traveled through me.” 

“But it might have.” 

“Yes, but it seemed less of a risk with me than with him. I think he was right.” 

“I want Fíli back. If he wasn’t king-” Kíli broke off at another sharp look from his mother. He should be careful. 

Kíli stared at his hands again. He felt his own secret escaping, and he was too tired, too lonely, to care anymore. “I can’t stay here if he keeps me at arms’ length. I need him, but if I can’t have all of him, I have to get away.”

Kíli ignored Dís’s sharp inhalation, continued. “I’m not myself without him.”

Dís took a deep breath, said quietly, “How long?”

“How long what?” Kíli looked up at his mother.

“Kees. How long have you been in love with Fíli?” she said slowly, as if trying not to scare a wild animal.

“Mama! What gave you that idea?”

“It’s written on your face, it’s in your voice. Oh, sweetheart.”

“No, no, that’s crazy.” Kíli denied it out of pure habit; he had just told her.

“It’s just me.” She again covered his hand, squeezed. “How long?”

Kíli opened his mouth to keep arguing, shifted his eyes away. He was just so tired. He huffed a sigh, shuffled his feet, took a deliberate breath. Another breath. “I think I’ve always been in love with him,” he whispered. 

Kíli glanced at his mother, saw no judgment on her careworn face. Her eyes asked him to continue.

“I never thought it odd that I wanted to hold his hand and sleep in his bed. That’s just how we were. I thought that was normal. But I… I felt incomplete when he wasn’t around. I remember when I felt something more than comfort when we touched, and I felt awe and shame.”

“That must have been confusing.”

“Yes, but he was always there, always protecting me. I was happy. I ignored my doubts.

“When others began to show interest in Fíli, it made me so mad. But I was still young, maybe I had just been jealous for his attention.” Kíli paused in thought. “And then some of my friends showed interest in girls, so I did, but I never felt anything like the emotional intensity that I felt for Fíli.”

Kíli smiled then in fond memory of flirting with and eventually falling for an elf, of all things. But thinking about it now, it made a lot of sense. Tauriel was the ultimate distraction from the person he couldn’t have. Exotic, different, dangerous. And beautiful and kind, of course. Not to mention he was incarcerated, in severe pain, a raving lunatic, and beyond exhausted during the time he spent with her. His confusing love for Fíli had been blessedly crowded out of his head, leaving only need for his _brother_. It had been nice when he was coherent. 

He came back to the present and noticed his mom waiting patiently. “I even distracted myself with an elf.” _Ha, that got a reaction._

He continued, “Tauriel. She is strong and kind and lovely, and I think we really connected. Although I admit I was a bit out of it.”

“Kíli, an elf!” Dís said sharply. “That can’t work.”

“Well, of course it can’t work long-term,” he said, a bit wistfully. 

“I’d break my neck looking up at her,” he chuckled. “I have no problem looking up to a lady. A little bit up. But shit, she’d have to bend over at the waist to kiss me.” 

He had overcome his mother’s stoicism, and a look of distinct discomfort was emerging. Maybe he could enjoy this conversation after all. “Once or twice would be fun, amusing, interesting. Yes, _quite_ interesting.” Was Dís actually squirming? He decided to have some mercy on his poor old mother. “But it would get old.”

Silence. “Mama, come on, you didn’t even get uncomfortable when I said I love Fíli. My own brother!”

“At least he’s a _dwarf!”_ she snapped.

“Tauriel is very beautiful. And you’d like her, too, if you got to know her.”

“That’s as may be, but an _elf!”_

“Relax, Ma, it was a badly needed interlude in an otherwise miserable time.” A pause. “And she saved my life,” he said gently.

“Oh. Oh, yes. Of course.” She looked abashed. “It’s hard for me to think of you and Fíli during that time. And after, when... Well. I’m sorry. I want to have saved you from all of that. I feel… failure.”

“No. I know. Please don’t be upset,” he grabbed her hand. “You made us strong. We made it. I’m here. Let’s just be here.”

She nodded, calm returning with a flash of pride. Kíli soaked it up.

“So, Fíli,” Dís prompted after a moment.

“Right. Um. Where was I?” Memories of Tauriel had broken through his discomfort. Maybe nothing he said now would be worse for his mother than picturing him with an elf. “So, with external attractions, and growing up, and maturing, and all, we still held hands at night. And finally, finally. Finally, I realized I couldn’t imagine Balin and Dwalin holding hands.” 

Kíli smiled, a bit sadly. “I’ve been around a lot of brothers now. What I feel isn’t normal for brothers, even those who are very close.”

“This isn’t abnormal, just very unusual.”

“I don’t think I care whether I’m abnormal or whether everyone else thinks me abnormal. I care what you think. I fear what Fíli would think.”

“He’ll love you no matter what.”

“This is a big ‘no matter what’.”

“Not for him. He loves you. Maybe not in the same way, but his love is big enough to encompass this, I’m sure of it.”

“People want him to have an heir.”

“You know many of us don’t marry. Contingencies exist. Fíli was never questioned as Thorin’s heir.”

Kíli knew that, of course. “He won’t accept this.”

“Give him a chance.”

Kíli just shook his head. How could he risk that? 

Dís didn’t dwell on it. “I know this is hard for you, too, but don’t give up on him. He’s still establishing his role. Stretch your patience a bit further.”

Kíli nodded at that. Of course he’d do that much for Fíli no matter how much it hurt. “I won’t promise not to hit him again, though.”

Dís smiled as Kíli looked at her. “This didn’t shock you,” he said.

Dís sobered, thoughtful. “I think I’ve known for some years now.”

“And I thought I hid it so well.”

“You did! You did,” Dís reassured him. “I probably know you better than anyone does, other than Fíli. It was just little things that come together now.”

“You really aren’t appalled, disappointed?”

“It’s not what I would’ve wished for you. If I think only of myself, it’s not something I want. But it’s not something I can change, so I accept. People get worked up about ‘normal’ relationships anyway – this or that person isn’t right for this or that person. And it’s not so bad after all, I guess, for my boys to love and protect each other for life.”

“Why, though? How could this happen?”

Dís just looked at her son for long moments. She sighed. “You two have faced unique challenges together. It could be that made you closer than you would have otherwise been.” Another long pause. 

She stared off into the distance, perhaps not even focused on her sons. “But sometimes, sweetheart, shit just happens.” 

Briefly, she looked and sounded angry. “Life’s not fair.” Her voice dropped to barely a whisper, but still held some heat. “And maybe this side of the Durin line is meant to end.”

“But it _is_ ,” she found her calm again. “It just is. We can’t help who we love. We accept and deal with it.”

She squeezed his hand. At least she hadn’t rejected him.

 

Fíli was surprised that Kíli slept in his bed the night after the fight. Fíli found his brother’s back to him at night and in the morning, but at least he was there. Although knowing Kíli, it was a statement that Fíli had no choice where Kíli slept.

Fíli dragged himself out of bed as early as usual but waited nervously in the common room for Kíli to make an appearance. Fíli was drinking a third cup of tea, tapping his foot, and struggling to silence the voice saying he 'should' be working when Kíli shuffled slowly out of the bedroom. Kíli was yawning and scratching his head, shirtless and scruffy and painfully adorable. 

Kíli stopped in surprise when he realized Fíli was still there, a hand still on his head. He looked uncertain about what to do, but then he moved about his business, ignoring Fíli. 

Fíli took a long breath. "Kíli. I -"

"You have a black eye," Kíli interrupted as he rustled through a cabinet.

Fíli stared at Kíli’s back. "I can tell."

"You don't look much like a king." Kíli hunched over now, still searching for something.

"Thank you?" Fíli hesitated. He just wanted to apologize and move on, but Kíli wasn't cooperating.

"I'm sorry," Fíli mumbled.

Kíli stood up and finally turned to face Fíli, a slight frown under sleepy eyes. "Did you say something?" 

"Kíli, I am sorry for yelling at you yesterday. And for hitting you."

Kíli shrugged. "Forget it," he said as he turned back around.

This wasn't going right. Fíli couldn't remember what he wanted to say. All he could see were beloved eyes turning away from him. All he could hear was a strange rushing noise, like Kíli being swept away from him. Yet he couldn't, he didn't know how to admit with grace that he needed help.

"Kíli, please. I am sorry. I wasn't fair to you yesterday."

Kíli had managed to find what he sought, stood with his back to Fíli sipping tea. "I said forget it. We're tired, we fought. It's done."

"Why are you still angry then?"

Kíli slammed the mug down, splattering liquid on counter and hand. He turned around, shaking his hand. Dark eyes glared, arched eyebrows drawn together. "You are driving yourself too hard! You are going to collapse or worse if you keep this up!"

Kíli’s ire struck Fíli like a blow. "I-"

"No!" Kíli shouted, jabbing a finger toward Fíli. "You're not 'sorry' or you'd stop killing yourself. You aren't 'sorry' or you'd tell me what the hell you’re protecting me from. I don’t care about a stupid fight. I care that you show so little regard for your health."

“I do. I mean. I don’t. I'm having trouble navigating-" Fíli couldn’t think past this new fear that Kíli was slipping away.

Kíli managed to stomp gracefully across the room and into his room, slamming the door behind him. Fíli stared after his brother for long moments, shook his head, and forced himself out the door and to more work.

Dís surprised Fíli by catching him before he met up with Balin to assess living space for eventual family arrivals. She was trying to get something out of him, but Fíli did his best to act as if everything was normal. She looked at his bruised face and rolled her eyes but let him go. He wasn’t up to explaining himself after his recent failure.

It was another long day of walking and talking and collapsing in bed spent and aching. Another night of facing Kíli’s back. Fíli mused on how best to respect Kíli’s and Dwalin’s wishes the next day.

 

Fíli called a conference of his council the next morning. He arrived to find everyone there but Balin. 

"Balin is on his way,” Dwalin said, leaning back in his chair. “Some disturbance prolonged his meeting with Orela in Dale.”

As they waited, Dwalin continued, proud and sad, “Balin is already talking about claiming Moria."

"Moria." Fíli said flatly.

"Yes."

"But we just got Erebor.”

"It doesn't feel like his home without Thorin,” Dwalin responded.

 _Ah_. Fíli nodded. "When?"

"Not until you're well settled."

"You will go with him?" Fíli feared the answer but kept his voice steady.

Dwalin looked surprised. "My duty is with you," he rumbled, a simple fact.

Fíli hadn't been sure Dwalin’s attachment to Thorin had transferred to him, wouldn’t have blamed the older dwarf for following his brother. "He's your brother," Fili offered permission in case Dwalin wanted it.

"You're my king."

Fíli nodded again. Dwalin wouldn't want more than that. The king felt bolstered by Dwalin’s support, almost ready for the meeting.

Balin strode in offering apologies. “I have interesting news,” he said as he sat down. “An orc killed the main voice of Bard’s opposition. The group was setting up for some political rally, and witnesses say the creature rampaged alone through the area like it was rabid. The man was in its way - both were killed quickly.”

“Well. Well now,” Dwalin spoke into the stunned silence. “Not crazy about celebrating death, but this could be good for Dale.”

“Yes, if Bard and his supporters handle it carefully,” Balin agreed. “And we’ve no reason to think they won’t.”

“Right, thank you.” Fili shook off his surprise. “Send representatives to whatever memorial they have for him.”

Balin nodded, and Fíli pushed himself to his purpose. “You’ve all been essential to our success so far, and I am more grateful than I can express. But I need to ask more of you, at least until the main group arrives from the Blue Mountains.”

Fíli just saw nods. He shouldn’t have been surprised.

Fíli named Balin his chief of staff and spokesman and Dwalin master of arms and defense advisor, though that was hardly necessary. Bombur and Dís were given full control over supplies, stocking, and the kitchens, Gloin charge of all trade negotiations, Óin of the infirmary and medical readiness. Bofur stayed as unofficial diplomat to the humans, but Fíli asked Bifur to focus on establishing some workshops. Fili assigned Dori to represent the dwarves in all communication regarding re-building Dale. 

Finally, Fili came to his most difficult request of the morning. The king asked Nori to track down the source of the orcs. Nori looked a bit surprised, a bit put out, a bit honored. Fili had decided that Nori, as the sneakiest of the lot of them, would have the best chance of success. He hated putting someone else in such a dangerous position, longed to do it himself, knew no one would accept that. Nori agreed, to Fili’s relief and concern. 

Fili glanced around the table at his closest companions, grateful for their loyalty. He nodded and started to rise, but Dwalin stopped him with a raised hand.

“Kíli is your bodyguard,” Dwalin said.

“Fine,” Fíli snapped as he settled back down and saw Kíli’s sharp nod from the corner of his eye. He’d worry about it later.

“And we want a public coronation,” Balin added.

“What?” Fíli put his forehead on his hand for a moment and suppressed a shudder “No. Why? The crown passed to me as soon as Thorin died. Everyone knows that.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Balin said. “It’s an official recognition of your position, rallies people behind you.”

Fili looked around the room, could tell he wasn’t going to win this one. _What good is being king if I don’t get my way?_ he thought, just a bit sourly, hoping to put the thing off as long as possible.

 

Fíli left the room with Kíli on his heels. Fíli moved faster, needing to get away. He could feel his resolve crumbling. Half his mind didn’t even know what he was fighting anymore. The other half feared the consequences of Kíli prying its secret door open, knew there would be no going back. 

No, he couldn’t let Kíli know how he felt. But Kíli kept pace, and Fíli just couldn't fight anymore. He slowed, and Kíli walked quietly beside him for a time. 

“Why don’t you want me as your bodyguard?” Kíli broke into his thoughts. 

“I didn’t say that.” 

“Fíli. I trained for that.” 

“I know, and it made sense.” 

“Then why are you against it now?” 

“I’m not.” 

“Stop that!” 

“Or you’ll punch me?” Fíli said with a smirk. 

“Yes. Spill it.” 

Fíli grinned up at his not-so-little little brother. “Give me a minute?” 

Kíli didn’t quite return the smile, but at least he didn’t glare. “If I must.” 

Fíli nodded at passing dwarves absently as he cracked the door on his feelings. Kíli was trained for this, and he wanted Kíli at his side. It had been so stupid to think he could fight that for the rest of his life. He pushed the mental door closed, focused on the discrete question. “I want to protect you.” 

“Oh.” 

“Oh?” 

“I already knew that. I figured you’d give me a line about the kingdom needing my eyes elsewhere, blah blah blah. Kingly stuff.” 

“Why?” 

“You’ve been pushing me away since we left Óin.” 

_Well, of course he noticed, you idiot._ Fíli glanced at Kíli, but avoided his eyes. _Coward._

Fíli stopped. Kíli took a few more steps, then walked back to stand next to Fíli, an eyebrow raised. Fíli steered them to the side of the hall, turned to Kíli and looked into his eyes. The hurt there tore at Fíli’s heart. He had done that. And he knew it would be there, had willfully ignored it. What kind of “protector” had he been lately? _Oh, Kíli._

“I’m so sorry,” Fíli said softly, briefly shutting his eyes. 

Fíli watched a storm of emotions cross Kíli’s face, relief, frustration, anger, confusion, back to relief. “Thank you,” Kíli said softly. “I’m not ready to accept it, though.” 

It hurt, but Fíli kept his eyes on Kíli’s. Kíli looked at him for a tense moment. “Not yet.” He softened it with a faint smile. 

_Really. I thought I could live without his smile. I_ am _an idiot._

Fíli nodded, reached out and briefly squeezed Kíli’s hand. They moved on, passing into their rooms. Fíli stretched, took a drink of water, and grabbed his swords. “Let’s go for a walk.” 

Kíli looked shocked, but he snatched his bow like the moment would shatter and pushed Fíli back out of the room. Fíli grabbed Dwalin on his way the dining hall. “We’re going out.” 

Dwalin nodded as if he had nothing else in the world to do. “I’ll get an escort.” 

“I want to be alone.” 

“You won’t know they’re there. Wait at the gate until they pass you.” 

Fíli nodded and headed there. “I still don’t want you as my bodyguard,” he said to Kíli eventually. “Mahal, I want to be _your_ bodyguard. I’m supposed to protect you!” 

“Fuck.” Kíli rolled his eyes, heat in his voice. “You _still_ don’t get it.” 

Fíli just looked a question at his brother. He didn’t get _what?_

“ _I_ can protect myself. _I_ can protect _you_. _We_ can protect each other.” Kíli stopped walking. 

Fíli stopped a step ahead, frozen. He felt more and more like an idiot, more and more enamored with Kíli, more and more determined to protect this precious being, more and more certain Kíli didn’t want that. Fíli simply didn’t know how to stop. His head swam for a moment, like when he awoke after almost dying. He barely stopped himself from staggering. Kíli, of course, noticed. 

“You should just go lie down,” Kíli snapped. 

“Please. Kee,” Fíli said, back to his brother. “I want to go outside with you. We’ve not done that in so long.” 

Fíli could feel Kíli hesitating, and he almost felt guilty. Fíli knew Kíli would give in to that. 

Kíli kept walking. “We’re in charge now,” Kíli continued as if not interrupted. “We have to accept the roles we were trained for.” 

_We. Yes._ Fíli tried to lighten the mood. “We’re in trouble if you’re becoming the responsible one.” 

“I promise to only do it when you’re shirking your duties, your highness.” 

Fíli grinned, then became serious again. “I don’t know if I can stop trying to protect you.” 

“That’s not the point. We should protect each other. I’m not a child.” 

Fíli rubbed a hand over his forehead. “I will… I will try to accept that.” 

“Fine.” 

Things weren’t perfect between them, they weren’t back to the easy companionship they shared before… before all this. Yet this moment was such an improvement that Fíli was surprised to find he could almost recall the heady feeling of leaving together toward the Shire and an adventure. 

Fíli looked up at the unseasonably late snow drifting down to blanket the land, blinking at cold flakes on his lashes. It would be gone tomorrow morning but was a blessing right now. The wet snow left a blanket that disguised desolation and quelled sound. Nothing existed but soft white and the crunch of his and Kíli's boots in the snow. 

The silence was glorious, calming, as were his recently sharpened weapons distributed about his clothes. He couldn’t use them to full effect yet, but he’d get there. And being outside alone a salve in itself. Well, mostly alone. "Walk beside me," he said to his brother, who paced behind him, bow in hand. 

"Dwalin said to watch your back." 

"I don't think he meant it literally." 

"He did." 

"Then no one is watching your back." 

"My back isn't as important as yours." 

"It is to me." 

Fíli turned around, walking backwards. Snow dotted Kíli's hood, a striking contrast against dark hair and eyes. 

Kíli shook his head, rolled his eyes. "What are you doing?" 

"Making sure both our backs are watched. Just make sure I don't run into anything." 

"All right," Kíli agreed, a glint in his eye. 

_Why that look?_ Fíli thought. 

_Ah._ Fíli’s back slammed into a dead tree. 

__Kíli laughed. Fíli leaned forward and pushed him as hard as he could. Kíli fell flat on his back in the snow and jumped up looking like a wet - and angry - puppy._ _

"Just turn around and move," he growled. 

Fíli did as ordered, holding out a hand to catch the cold snowflakes. 

A hard-packed snowball smacked into his head. Fíli laughed, a deep belly laugh that released weeks of tension. Outside in the silence, they were brothers. No kings, no heirs, no uncertain emotions, just brothers. 

_But can I think of him as my partner? Let go as protector? I have to try. Try. I want to protect him. Forget it for now, just breathe._ Fíli breathed in the silence. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The orc offing Mr. Opposition is for tigrislilium - thanks for the idea. And I actually had Kili forgiving Fili too quickly - thanks to feedback, especially from FiliKiliThorinForever, I prolonged that. I'm on [tumblr](http://anathema-cat.tumblr.com/) if you'd like to ask, suggest, prompt, or talk.


	11. Touch

Kíli had forgiven Fíli - mostly. Mostly. For nearly a week, Fíli had managed to let others do their jobs, gone to bed at a reasonable time, left slightly later in the morning. Fíli had been spending more time in the training hall, but in balance, he was taking better care of himself.

Yet something lurked in the deep sky of Fíli's eyes. Something that commanded loyalty and respect, yet threatened to crack Fíli open. Fíli wished to support everyone, everything. He would be the foundation of Erebor's success, would hold up his companions so they would thrive. Fíli had the capacity to be utterly, dangerously selfless.

Kíli loved him desperately for that, loved, respected, feared, fought. Kíli longed to wrap Fíli up and spoil him and make him feel as selfish and loved as Kíli himself sometimes felt. Make Fíli want things for himself... But then that was about Kíli too. He led his thoughts away from that path.

Kíli could only push Fíli so far. He had managed to nudge his brother away from the brink of destruction. He would just have to ensure the king didn't move back up to the edge.

Kíli returned to his rooms after escorting Bard from the mountain. Bard and Orela had brought Bard's now leaderless opponents to meet with the king under the mountain. It was a show of conciliation and power. With the prime instigator dead, Bard deftly pulled the followers into his camp while making it feel like their own choice. Nevertheless, several had been confrontational toward the dwarves, and Kíli and Dwalin marched the group out of the gate with honor, hawk eyes, and ready weapons.

Kíli nodded to the guards outside his door, asked if Fíli was inside, received an affirmative. Kíli was relieved. He wanted nothing more than a soft chair and a mug of ale, but he had been prepared to hunt the king down and drag him home.

Kíli entered with a smile that quickly disappeared as his breath caught. His brother sprawled awkwardly in a chair, bad leg painfully straight, face ashen and drawn, gasping for breath. "Shit, Fíli, what did you do?!"

"Unh," Fíli choked out. Then between sharp inhalations, “Weapons training. Maybe overdid it.” A rueful shadow of a grin crossing his face. Kíli most definitely did not return it.

"You pulled yourself up on that chair from the floor, didn't you?" Kíli hissed.

"Can’t be found flat on the floor like invalid," Fíli snapped out.

Kíli took a deep breath to steady himself before he exploded. _The idiot._ He covered his face with his hands for a moment. _Love. Try love. He’s hurt. Anger later. Love._

"It's just me, Fíli," Kíli said, pushing his concern into his voice as he stepped across the room.

Fíli relaxed a bit, tilted his head back, eyes closed, brought it back down. He fixed his intense gaze on Kíli. "I know. And I'm sorry." Pause, breath. "Again. I want to look like a _king_."

Kíli nodded, surprised Fíli admitted it aloud. Kíli tried to keep that from his voice. "What do you need?"

"Help me into the bath? I can't make it myself."

"Of course." Kíli's relief at Fíli finally opening up a bit was tarnished by his next words.

"Don't tell anyone."

Kíli tilted his head, raised his eyebrows. "Well, damn. It's a good thing you said that since the first thing I planned to do after lowering you into the tub was go tell everyone about it."

As Fíli shook his head in response, Kíli added gently, "I should get Óin."

“Let’s see how I am after the bath.”

Kíli hesitated, grinding his teeth. 

“If I still can’t walk, you can go get him. I promise.”

_Well, shit _. Kíli could only push Fíli so far.__

__

__Kíli lifted Fíli from the chair, supporting most of his brother’s weight as they hobbled into the bathroom. Kíli helped Fíli out of his clothes as gently as he could, tossing each garment on the floor at random, firmly ignoring warm skin and straining muscles._ _

__He wanted Fíli in the tub as quickly as possible in order to ease both of their, quite different, discomforts. Kíli took Fíli's arm, eyes determinedly on Fíli's face, and helped him ease into the water. Fíli failed to suppress a grimace of pain, then sighed and closed his eyes as he sank slowly into the warmth. "Thank you, Kee."_ _

__"Of course," Kíli replied, then he feared too quickly and awkwardly, "Call me when you're ready to get out."_ _

__Kíli stepped out and closed the door before Fíli had a chance to tell him to stay. Kíli paced around the common room near the door, heart racing. _What is my problem?_ _ _

__"His presence has always been enough," he muttered. "What is going on?"_ _

__The fire crackled and his steps rang on stone as he sorted through his spinning thoughts. It was surprisingly obvious._ _

__Fíli’s presence had been enough until he lost it. Lost to near death, then lost to a king. Even now the additional time together was almost enough. But. Watching Fíli in a bathtub might just make it too hard to keep his love where it had always been, contained, safe._ _

__Fíli called his name. Kíli took a deep breath, reminded himself he was an adult and not a fumbling adolescent, and grabbed the doorknob. He took another breath and moved in, eyes on his brother's face. "Feel better?"_ _

__"Yes," Fíli smiled, golden hair dripping water, golden skin color returned, blue eyes on Kíli’s._ _

__Kíli suddenly found Fíli’s ear extremely fascinating. "What do you need?"_ _

__"Just your arm."_ _

__Kíli imagined the ugliest things he had ever seen as he reached out for Fíli, the desolation downslope of their new home, orcs, that frightfully square dwarf maiden who had aggressively pursued him, Smaug, orcs, Thranduil, orcs... Yet they were wispy fog floating past the beauty that was Fíli. Kíli railed internally, his face a pleasant mask._ _

__"You're quiet," Fíli said, annoyingly, as he stepped slowly out of the bath._ _

_Slowly in pain. Not sensuously slow, you jackass._ Kíli helped Fíli walk carefully out of the bathroom and into the king's bedroom. Kíli ignored his brother's look of concern, focused on movement, helping Fíli into his night clothes, maneuvering him onto the bed, mind studiously blank. 

__Fíli settled on the edge of the bed. He still moved stiffly, but looked much better. “Braid my hair?”_ _

“Of course,” Kíli answered with pleasure. Now this was normal. Braiding Fíli’s hair was one of the things that kept him comfortably, safely, in contact with his brother, and it calmed them both. 

__

Fíli’s body relaxed as Kíli deftly finger-combed and braided his hair. His mind, though, was another matter. He’d _felt_ Kíli’s love and concern for him and resolved during his bath to tell Kíli what he had been hiding. 

He had never hidden things from Kíli before their fateful journey. Part of him wanted it out in the open, but of course he was terrified of damaging their relationship, of hurting his brother, of… And on and on. He was tired of fear. He was tired of anxiety. It didn’t suit him. It wasn’t fair to Kíli. His mind wouldn’t stop.

“Fíli?” his brother broke in to his thoughts.

“You noticed.”

“That you’re spacing out? Yeah, I noticed,” Kíli said. “You’re not worried about the orc attacks are you? We’ll take care of it.”

“I know we will,” Fíli said with perfect confidence. He did know that. _What the hell is wrong with me?_ The orcs were a threat more serious, with more widespread effect, than this private obsession of his. Yet he worried about it, while he didn’t about the orcs.

“There you go again,” Kíli grumbled, good-naturedly. “Who is this worrywart that has possessed my brother?”

Fíli smacked Kíli half-heartedly on the arm. 

“Watch it, sourpuss,” Kíli said.

 _This is getting ridiculous,_ Fíli thought. _Get it over with_. He took a breath. “Kíli, I’ve been hiding something from you.”

“I know,” Kíli grinned.

“You know.” Fíli muttered.

“You’re not surprised,” Kíli said, grin in place. “You can’t hide things from me.”

“I can hide details from you,” Fíli smirked, despite his inner turmoil.

“Fine. What _detail_ have you been keeping from me?”

Fíli paused. He almost kept talking around the subject, but he had to spit this out before his courage failed. “It’s… Kee. I’m. I’m afraid to tell you.”

Infuriating, bratty, caring, beautiful Kíli was still grinning. “Idiot! You are ridiculous. There’s nothing you could possibly say that would change how I feel about you.”

“You don’t know that,” Fíli said softly.

The grin disappeared, and Kíli was all fierceness. “I know that,” dark gaze directly into Fíli’s eyes, his soul.

Fíli wouldn’t say this in fear. He straightened his back, squared his shoulders, and looked his brother in the eyes.

“I think. I.” Deep breath. “I’m in love with you.”

Kíli went deathly still. Fíli’s heart stopped. Unmoving hands on his hair, deep brown eyes frozen solid, terrible silence. Kíli slipping away… 

_Oh no. Oh no, no, no, I shouldn’t have said it._ He couldn’t take it back, he couldn’t stand this, his shoulders slumped as he looked down. Time stopped.

 

…

 

Kíli’s hands dropped limply into his lap, mind stunned. He couldn’t speak, couldn’t figure out how to respond, couldn’t believe he heard correctly. Tried to replay the words. _Did he say…? No. But did he? What do I say now?_

Pain finally broke through Kíli’s shock. Fíli’s pain. His brother’s _pain._ _Shit._

Time started. 

Kíli realized he didn’t need words for this, didn’t need to think. He raised a shaking, tentative hand to Fíli’s face, gently raised his chin. Crackling fire receded into the background as he focused on Fíli’s eyelids, his strong nose, the braids that framed his expressive lips. Mahal, Fíli’s lips.

Kíli slid his hand up Fíli’s cheek, fingers across beard, index finger stopped by Fíli’s ear. He brought his other hand up to Fíli’s neck. Kíli leaned toward those lips, moved his head slowly closer. 

He paused for a moment in amazed anticipation on the brink of kissing his brother’s lips. He tilted his head just slightly, looked down, and softly kissed Fíli's bottom lip. One more time, savoring the shivers rolling down through his body. 

Then he closed his eyes and pressed his lips to Fíli's, soft, warm. Unyielding. 

Kíli pulled back a bare breath away, opened his eyes. "Kiss me," Kíli whispered. 

A soft moan rumbled in Fíli's throat. Kíli had never heard a sound like _that_ from his brother. Kili’s heart thudded almost painfully. "Kiss me, Fee,” he breathed to his brother’s lips. 

And their lips melted together. Kíli's lips around Fíli's bottom lip and again, then Fíli's lips around Kíli's bottom lip, Fíli's lips around Kíli's top lip... caressing, gasping. Soft, moist lips pressed together. 

Their lips parted slightly, and warm tongues flickered, touched. Kíli slid his arms around Fíli's neck, and Fíli brought a strong hand up to grasp Kíli's shoulder, placed another lightly on Kíli’s cheek. 

Kíli's heart beat harder, threatening to break out of his chest as the kiss deepened, slow exploration with their tongues, wet, warm. Then mouths slowly separated, one more flick of Kíli’s tongue, a gentle scrape of Fíli’s teeth across Kíli’s bottom lip. Breathless, eyes down, hands fell together in Fíli's lap. 

Fíli squeezed Kíli's hands and looked up. "Kee, what-" 

"Stop," Kíli interrupted. "We don't have to figure out what all this means right now. We can worry about it tomorrow." 

"You know me too well." 

Kíli put on his best leer. "No, I think I have a lot to learn." 

And there was Fíli's gorgeous smirk, "You little shit."

"But you love me."

Fíli sobered immediately. "I do."

"Fee, that was… That felt really good."

“Yes.”

In stunned silence, Kíli gently withdrew his hands and guided Fíli back onto the bed. Kíli kissed Fíli’s forehead. “Get some sleep?”

Fíli nodded, eyes locked on Kíli’s. “You, too?”

 

Fíli watched Kíli stand up and stretch long limbs. For the first time in all their years together, he openly admired his brother’s lithe, muscled body, perfect splash of dark hair across his chest and down. Kíli quickly stripped off his clothes and slid into bed.

A fire flared in Fíli’s belly, and he inhaled slowly to calm down. _He shares my feelings?_ Fíli was ecstatic, amazed, and terrified in a bemused bundle. He felt more himself than he had since the poisoned orc arrow struck Kíli.

Fíli and Kíli sank into the bed, got comfortable under the covers. Kíli rolled on his side away from Fíli, moved back until they were touching. Fíli pressed his chest against Kíli’s back and wrapped his arm around Kíli’s chest. He kissed Kíli’s pale shoulder and closed his eyes.

“It was you,” Kíli whispered sleepily.

“Hm?”

“You kissed me like that once, after the orc attack. I thought I dreamed it.”

“I thought it upset you.”

“No, a good dream, Fee. Good night.”

“Good night, Kee.” Warmth, love, contentment.

 

Fíli woke too early to warmth and contentment, found worry creeping in. The door in the back of his mind was open, the love had escaped, not to be held captive again. Kíli knew. There was no going back. _Kíli. Did Kíli kiss me to protect my feelings?_

Fíli raised up on an elbow and gently pushed Kíli's hair off his face and behind his ear. _Gorgeous Kee._ His heart ached to look at him. He gently touched Kíli's cheek. Kíli stirred, and Fíli quickly pulled his hand back to his side. Kíli rolled over to face him and reached for that hand.

"Fíli," voice filled with such love it could break hearts, directed at him. Fíli felt humbled, invigorated. Kíli gazed at him, blinking sleepy eyes. 

"I didn't kiss you to protect your feelings," Kíli murmured, voice heavy with sleep.

"Damned mind readers."

"I don't need to read your mind to know how you think.” Kíli stretched, voice strengthened. “Tell me you weren't worried about that."

"Can you blame me?" Fíli looked down, anxious. He felt his re-emerging confidence diving toward that now wide open door in his mind. "You were shocked when I said, when I said -"

Kíli squeezed Fíli's hand, spoke slowly, softly, a side of Kíli few witnessed. "That you love me." 

"Yes." Fíli raised his eyes, he wanted to drink Kíli in however this turned out.

"Fee. I've been in love with you since I knew what that meant." Fíli's breath caught, his stomach flipped. "I never hoped you'd accept that, much less return it. I _was_ shocked. After all those years of watching you, wanting you, to hear that, you have no idea." 

Kíli was talking faster, getting excited. Fíli's heartbeat sped up in time. "When you said that, that you felt that too, I can't describe it. The most amazingly delicious moment of my life. I would have wanted that moment to stretch for hours if it didn't hurt you." Kíli flipped over on his back, eyes glazed, and sighed.

 _Adorable._ So much Fíli wanted to say, to do (and didn't that thought just do crazy things to his body). He settled on, "Even if I didn't feel like this, I would have accepted your feelings."

"It's... unusual... to feel this way." Now Kíli looked down. 

"Yes. Yes, we're lucky, Kee. We'll love each other our whole lives."

"Mmm. _That_ sounds interesting." Kíli rolled back onto his side with a flash of sultry eyes.

Fíli felt himself hardening, didn't think he was quite ready to go there. _Deep breath, this is serious business for our future._ How would they gain acceptance, who would-

Kíli's hand lightly touched his cheek, returning his focus to where it belonged.

"What now?" Fíli asked. 

"You kiss me," Kíli said.

"That's it?" 

"What else is there?" Kíli inched closer. "Will I always have to ask for this?"

"Maybe. I kind of like it," Fíli breathed.

"Kiss me," Kíli whispered, and it set Fíli on fire. And right then, finally, Fíli knew he was finished with doubt. The decision had been made. He rested his hand on Kíli’s cheek, softly ran a thumb over Kíli’s lips. 

Kíli moaned, “Fiilliiii…” Fíli’s chest tightened. He slid his hand to the back of Kíli’s neck, leaned forward slowly, and just brushed Kíli’s lips with his own. “Delicious,” Fíli whispered.

Then Fíli couldn’t help but laugh when his impatient Kíli pressed his mouth to Fíli’s. Kíli’s tongue moved around the laugh as they sunk into the kiss and hands moved up to tangle in sleep-mussed hair. 

 

Kíli's heart, stomach, and soul turned flips as he kissed Fíli again. Again! His mind sang in utter disbelieving joy that this could be happening. He explored Fíli's welcoming mouth with his tongue, ran fingers through soft golden hair, grasped the back of Fíli's neck and pulled him closer. 

His hand moved down to hover just over Fíli's chest, feeling the heat radiating up to meet him. He forced himself to savor the delicious anticipation, grateful some corner of his mind had the presence to recognize the chance. His hand settled down on Fíli's hard pectoral, tips of Kíli's fingers curling slightly in the short soft hair. 

_Oh Mahaaaal._ To touch what he'd watched for years, coveted. He hardened, his emerging erection pressing Fíli's thigh. He felt delirious, broke the kiss, panting.

"Fíli," he moaned. _Oh, those eyes. Intense. Love._ His heart kept somersaulting. He looked at his hand on his brother's chest, while Fíli kissed his forehead, his eyelids. He was in a dream.

Kíli stroked Fíli's chest, felt a hard nipple, moaned again. "I _want_ you."

Fíli pulled him in for another kiss. When they finally pulled apart, slowly, Fíli rested a hand on Kíli's cheek. "I want you, too, but I'd like you to get your fill of anticipation." Kíli felt a shiver run through his brother’s body. "It does beautiful things to you," Fíli said.

"Oh, you're cruel."

"You said 'amazingly delicious'. I'm only trying to help," Fíli said with smirk and dimples. “Now leave me alone, I’m still tired.”

Kíli laughed. “You’re not, you’re just torturing me.”

“Helping you. Roll over.”

 

Fíli’s chest pressed against Kíli’s back, top arm wrapped around Kíli’s torso. He wanted Kíli as much as Kíli seemed to want him, but the comforting position managed to lull them back to sleep.

Fíli woke up in the same position. It felt so good, so right, he marveled at Kíli’s strength to resist his feelings for so long. “How did you do it?” he whispered.

“Hm?” Kíli mumbled.

“How did you keep it hidden? How you felt.”

“Oh, that.” Kíli shrugged. “I had my strategies.”

“What?!”

Kíli curled up tighter. “Fíli, I’m sooooo cold.”

Fíli barked a surprised laugh. “You manipulated me!”

“It worked. You never thought it was weird that I was cold all the time?”

“Well, no. That’s just how you were.”

“Ha. So you probably never wondered why I had recurrent nightmares during the summer.”

“Kíli!”

“I’m smarter than I get credit for.”

“Apparently.” Fíli traced lazy fingers around Kíli’s muscular chest, over nipples, lightly across scars, ribs. Kíli moaned, and Fíli hardened against Kíli’s backside. Fíli swirled fingers in the thickening hair of Kíli’s taut abdomen, and down. He found Kíli’s hand already there, stroking his own erection.

“Was that part of your strategy, little brother?”

Kíli stiffened. “What, no!” Then relaxed. “I mean, yes, but never with you, never while we touched.” Kíli twisted his head back to look into Fíli’s eyes, a silent plea for trust.

“All right, it’s all right. I believe you.”

Kíli relaxed back into his former position, and Fíli wrapped his hand around Kíli’s cock, coaxing it to full hardness. Fíli stroked until Kíli was panting, moaning louder and louder, head flung back, a hand grasping at sheets, the other clawing at Fíli’s arm. Kíli sighed in pleasure as he came over his own stomach and Fíli’s hand. 

It took a surprisingly short amount of time. Or maybe not surprising, given how long Kíli had waited. Kíli lay languid for a few moments, then turned over, reaching for Fíli. 

“No, relax,” Fíli breathed. “I want to experience what you felt.”

 

Kíli’s eyes widened as Fíli stroked his own erection with strong hands. Kíli drank in Fíli’s eyes full of desire, moving shoulder and chest muscles, tight abdomen, curling hair darkening as it trailed down and down. Kíli wanted to touch, but this held its own attraction and he was still lazy from his orgasm. 

“You’re beautiful,” he whispered as Fíli came over his hand with a loud sigh and rippling stomach, shuddering for long moments.

Kíli gently kissed Fíli’s lips, then cleaned them both off with a used shirt. “You should’ve let me do that. It felt so much better with your hands than mine.”

“I’m looking forward to it,” Fíli said with a small smile.

They lay on their backs holding hands for just a while longer.

 

Despite the morning interlude, it was still early, and the brothers were alone in the training hall. They sparred with wooden practice swords, stripped to the waist, approaching full strength and speed. 

They traded strikes and parries, for a while neither getting through the other's guard. Then Kíli did get through, a touch on Fíli's ribs. Fíli shook his head in surprise, struck back, Kíli blocked, following with a quick strike to Fíli's arm. Kíli's smug satisfaction slid to confusion as he almost immediately got through again. 

Fíli held up a hand to yield, which he never - ever - did with Kíli, and Kíli immediately stood down. They were both breathing hard, Fíli looking down, sword tip touching the floor. Kíli examined Fíli's face in concern. Fíli moved away, gulped some water, and leaned against a wall. Kíli followed Fíli, stopping in relaxed stance across from him. "Fíli?"

"I'm fine, just needed a drink," Fíli said, still avoiding Kíli’s eyes.

"Sure, fine." Kíli raised an eyebrow. "You're always that easy to fight."

Fíli looked up with a hint of a smile. "I was... distracted." His eyes raised and traced Kíli's body, down his shoulders and chest, lower. Quietly, "You look amazing when you're fighting."

Kíli returned the examination, Fíli's broad shoulders, arms, chest, and abdomen - all muscle. Not as big as he had been, but getting there. Gleaming with sweat. A work of art. But they had been fighting - Kíli had been intent on that. "We’ve always sparred like this," Kíli said, questioning.

Fíli reached out a hand, traced a trail of fire with his finger down Kíli's neck, around his collarbone, over the middle of his chest. "I know," Fíli said softly, "but now I can't take my eyes off of you."

Kíli swallowed, feeling strangely shy. 

"You're so beautiful when you're moving," Fíli whispered. Fíli finally looked Kíli in the eyes, embarrassment on his face. "I can’t believe I lost focus, though.”

Kíli stepped close to his brother. "We could go back to our room."

Fíli drew in a long breath. "Yes. I mean no. No, we need to keep practicing."

Kíli stepped back. "Well, one of us does," he said with a smirk. He slowly, luxuriously stretched, licked his lips, winked. "You need some remedial training."

Fíli shoved Kíli with one hand, bringing his sword on guard with the other. Kíli laughed. Fíli glared like he couldn't decide whether he wanted to tear off Kíli's pants or his head. In case it was the latter, Kíli raised his sword and prepared to fight.


	12. Protect

Fíli held on to Kíli peacefully in bed, Kíli’s head resting on his brother’s shoulder. Both were exhausted, the pleasant full body lethargy of a hard day's work. They’d ended the day with a frustrating meeting with Bard and company. Orc raiding affected the humans more than the dwarves, and some men expressed dissatisfaction that the dwarves hadn’t done more to stop the problem. However, Bard and Fíli felt positive that the two races were working together to address it.

Kíli still thought Fíli was pushing himself past his limits, but the king hadn’t edged back toward danger so Kíli left it alone. Fíli was succeeding in building a safe home for his people while getting close to his former strength. Kíli sometimes felt his heart would overflow with love for his brother, his friend, his … His lover.

Kíli sighed, warmth stirring in his groin despite his languor. He lifted his head from Fíli's shoulder and caressed Fíli's handsome face. He leaned down to kiss Fíli and got no response. Kíli considered leaving his brother alone, decided he would - mostly. He just needed one kiss.

Kíli tried another kiss, eliciting a quiet, exasperated sound. Kíli slowly wrapped his index finger in a mustache braid, admired it, then tugged.

Fíli had no choice then but to move his head and shoulders toward Kíli. Fíli barely cracked an eye open. "That's not fair," he said sleepily.

"I don’t fight fair."

Kíli watched Fíli's lips, inches from his own. 

"Oh. Right,” Fíli responded. “Let go, cheater."

"I need a kiss."

"So kiss me."

"Not a one-sided kiss, dummy."

Kíli pulled Fíli forward just a bit. “Kiss me for making me wait.”

"Coddled baby," Fíli whispered.

"Shortie."

"Elf spawn."

"Little man."

"Let go, mama’s boy."

Kíli tugged again, their lips almost touching. "Kiss me, milksop."

"If I do, spoiled brat, will you let me sleep?"

"I promise, O glorious king of the world."

Fíli opened his eyes long enough to roll them. Then he leaned in and pressed his lips against Kíli's, who moaned softly and gently pushed down until Fíli returned to his back. He slowly untwisted Fíli's mustache and laid his hand on Fíli's face. 

They kissed sensuously, a sinuous twining of tongues, until Kíli gently pulled back. 

"I love you," Fíli whispered.

Kíli traced his thumb along Fíli's eyebrow and drew his hand down Fíli's face, softly kissing each eyelid. "I love you."

Then he rolled on his side, back to Fíli, who, as expected, rolled on his side, chest against Kíli's back, arm wrapped around Kíli's middle.

Kíli sighed happily, moved a hand down to caress his emerging erection. He stroked himself until he came, biting his tongue to keep quiet. He wiped himself off before settling in to sleep. He thought how nice it was to do that with Fíli against him, then contentedly pressed back into Fíli's warmth and fell into dreamless asleep.

 

Fíli woke with his morning arousal pressed against Kíli’s back. Fíli sighed contentedly, pressing his hand over Kíli’s heart. He recalled the bedtime kiss a bit sheepishly. _A year ago, I wouldn’t have believed it possible to be too tired for sex._

_Sex. Kíli._ Their touches were so pleasurable, so _right_ , and he wanted more. And yet, a small treacherous part of his mind wondered if sex would be going too far. _No, I’m done with questioning._

Fíli ran his fingers up through the hair on Kíli’s chest, traced a line around Kíli’s collar bone, caressed down over pectorals and abdomen. As Kíli stirred with a pleased “mmm”, Fíli kissed the back of Kíli’s neck and then gently pulled Kíli over onto his back. 

“Morning,” Kíli drawled.

“Hey.” Fíli settled himself on top of Kíli, felt warm hands on his back. Fíli ran lips, tongue, teeth lightly down Kíli’s neck and chest. 

“Fíliii,” Kíli moaned.

Fíli kissed his way back up Kíli’s body to whisper in his ear. “You have to quit saying that.”

Kíli turned his head slightly toward Fíli, an eyebrow raised above dark questioning eyes. “Fíli?”

Fíli grabbed Kíli’s hand and slid to his side. “Mm, it’s so warm. It’s sunshine and heat and love when you say it.”

“So?”

“I think everyone can hear that.”

“Ah. I’ll try to rein it in, but that’s what you are to me.” Kíli squeezed Fíli’s hand, rolled to his side so they faced each other. 

“Only outside of this room,” Fíli said gratefully, pulled Kíli close, wrapping him in love. 

They moaned in tandem as erections pressed together, bodies moving of their own accord. Hands snaked down, tangling, caressing, stroking each other to hot, wet release. 

 

More days of hard work and soft touches passed, and Kíli’s body thrummed with happiness. He couldn’t remember feeling this content since he was a small child.

This morning Fíli discussed orcs with Nori, while Kíli helped Dwalin drill the youngest of the warriors. Kíli focused on his task, _Fíli_ a pleasant background hum in his mind and down his spine.

Workout finished, Kíli headed toward his room to clean up before meeting Fíli for lunch. Arriving at the dining hall early, Kíli decided to see if Fíli and Nori had come up with anything. 

The council room was empty. Kíli’s heart lurched. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath. He told himself that this meant nothing, didn’t believe it. Fíli was always where he was expected. 

_We just crossed paths. Or he’s checking on something. Calm down._

Kíli spun around and returned to the dining hall. No Fíli. No one he asked had seen the king this morning. Kíli stomped to the training hall, breathed a sigh of relief that at least Dwalin was still where he expected.

Kíli pulled the bigger dwarf aside. “I can’t find Fíli.”

Dwalin raised his eyebrows. “He’s in the council room with Nori.”

Kíli just shook his head. Dwalin barked some instructions to his trainees and motioned Kíli to follow him. In Dwalin’s wake, Kíli retraced his steps with no more success and rising alarm. The guards at the front gate said the king hadn’t left. No one had seen him in the mountain since early morning.

Dwalin and Kíli had just pulled Balin from the dining hall when Fíli strode toward them. The king’s steps slowed when three glares focused on him. Three mouths opened.

Dwalin found his voice first. “Where have you been?”

A look of concern crossed Fíli’s face, vanished to neutrality. “Working with Nori.”

A knot in Kíli’s chest landed hard in his stomach, twisted. “Where?”

Fíli wouldn’t lie, so Kíli watched his brother settle on silence. _Oh no. Please say he didn’t-_

“You were tracking them with Nori,” Dwalin said, voice deceptively calm.

“I -"

Kíli turned and left. He didn’t want to hear Fíli put his betrayal into words. He heard Fíli say his name with a hint of a question, concern. Kíli ignored it and moved away as quickly as he could without running. Dwalin exploded, giving Kíli a moment of useless satisfaction.

Kíli burst into their rooms, slammed the door. Anger boiled inside, threatened to explode, and he didn’t know what to do with it. He threw a mug against a wall, stormed into his room and slammed that door. He threw an old book across the room, felt sick satisfaction as the priceless spine split and pages scattered on the floor. He yelled, he threw everything he could get his hands on, he sunk into a cold bath, splashing water on his face so he could pretend tears weren’t falling.

_He agreed we’d be together in danger. We’d protect each other. He lied to me. He left me here. He put himself in danger. He’s not selfless. He’s selfish. I love him. I thought, I thought he trusted me. I trusted him. I love him so much it hurts. I thought we were settled. Together. I trusted him._ His mind swam, ran, crawled, screamed in tearing circles. 

He heard Fíli come in and close the door, knock on his, call his name. Softly, then loud, then pleading. Kíli ignored it, left the bath, dried off, and hid under covers as his cold body shook.

 

Fíli sunk into a chair in the common room, head in his hands. He silently begged Kili to open his door. Fíli’s sense of fulfillment and peace crumbled around his feet. He felt Kíli slipping through his fingers - again. The king sat unmoving, breath shallow, for what felt like hours. _All the reasons were just lies._

“It’s like you want it this way,” a soft voice said. 

Fíli raised his eyes to see Kíli standing just outside of his bedroom, hair damp, face blank, shadowed eyes rimmed in red. “No.”

“It’s the only thing that makes sense." 

“Kee, please. Please let me explain.” Fíli hoped silence was assent. “You are. I can’t. I need you. I can’t knowingly put you in danger. I _cannot_ lose you, Kíli.”

Kíli looked at him with eyes like forest pools shrouded in trees. “We are supposed to be partners. You agreed. I trusted you.” A long pause and then he raised his voice. “I trusted you!”

_Oh. No._ “I told Nori, I told myself that we should track together. That together we’d see things we wouldn’t alone, but that any more would hinder us.” Fíli faltered at Kíli’s silent stare. “I. I have to find the orc nest. We have to be rid of them.” 

“Which Nori can handle. If you think he can’t, replace him. Or if you really need to go, you take me with you.”

Fíli might have felt better if Kíli yelled. The calm was frightening. He had told himself that Kíli was busy, that Kíli would take too much time objecting, that he and Nori would be safe on their own. _Lies._

“I can’t put you in danger.” _Truth._

Kíli kept his eyes on Fíli a moment longer, then moved to leave.

"Don't walk away now!" Fíli begged.

Kíli shook his head and left with a slam of the door. Fíli ran a hand through his hair, got it snagged in a braid. He tore the bead off the braid, threw it at the door, and roughly combed out the braid with his fingers. He needed to plan their next move with his council but wasn't up to it. _Mama_. He hadn't seen her enough, mostly words in passing as they were hard at work.

He headed to his mother's room, only vaguely aware of the unusually loud clump of his boots, the soft clang of the weapons of his guard behind him, the greetings of passing dwarves. He knocked at her door, relieved to hear her answer. He opened the door.

Fíli froze on the threshold. Kíli was already there, slumped in a chair, a mug of steaming tea on the table in front of him. Dís, sitting across from Kíli, raised an eyebrow at her older son. Fíli stepped in just enough to close the door behind him, leaned against it.

"Tea?" Dís asked. Fíli was relieved she didn't ask him to sit down next to Kíli. 

"No, thank you. I'll come back later."

"Please stay," she said, as if nothing were amiss. "We were just discussing what you and Nori might have found."

Kíli spoke quietly to their mother as if Fíli wasn’t there. She spoke sympathetic words, knowing words…

"You TOLD her?!" Fíli exploded. He felt his mother's eyes focus on him but kept his on his brother.

Kíli jumped up and glared at Fíli. "Don't you turn this back on me!"

Kíli’s anger pushed Fíli out of the way. Kíli opened the door, stopped with his back to his brother. "It was before I knew how you felt," he said softly, then he slammed a door on Fíli once again. Fíli’s chest compressed at the pain in the beloved voice.

Fíli moved slowly to his mother’s table, collapsed into a chair, slumped back, staring into the distance. 

 

Kíli practiced forms and sparred until his body was on the verge of collapse. He took a long, hot bath, then flung himself on his bed. He was exhausted, but anger and a confused lust lingered. He jerked himself off harshly, coming with a yell. He lay there in silence letting the mess dry on his hand and stomach. He just didn’t want to move again.

Kíli wandered through several despondent days. He had been offered unhoped for what he desired above all else, only to have it snatched back. He loved Fíli, wanted him more than ever now that he’d had a taste, and the loss left tensed muscles and a void in his heart and mind. He forced himself to work, to practice, to eat, to attempt to act normally, all the while avoiding Fíli’s eyes. Kíli hardly noticed what he was doing, an animated corpse going through the motions.

 

Fíli kept his eyes on Kíli for most of those days, though Kíli never looked toward him. His apparent invisibility to the one he loved tore at his heart. Ignoring the desire Kíli had awakened in Fíli, the companionship had been invigorating. He almost couldn’t believe he had thrown it away, yet he feared he’d do it again. He _needed_ Kíli safe, needed to know he would always be safe.

Yet Fíli's constricted chest, the knot in the pit of his stomach, and the hunger for Kili’s body told him he had to change, adapt. If he clipped Kíli’s wings like a precious bird he wanted to protect in a cage, he’d lose _Kili_. Fili was trudging through a swamp, his days more difficult, heavier, than they should be. _Kili can protect himself, he can protect himself, we can protect each other..._ Fíli just had to make himself _believe_ it.

Kíli spent their free time locked in his room. Fíli only saw him during the day where Kíli could easily avoid him. Fíli knocked on Kíli’s door three times. The first time elicited no response, the second a snarled “leave me alone”. He tried again.

The pressure in Fili’s chest eased just a bit as Kíli opened the door. Kíli stood in silence with eyes that were were still shadowed, the easy joy gone from his face. 

“I am so sorry, Kee,” Fíli began, ignoring the shake of Kíli’s head. “I was wrong.” He swallowed. “I miss you. I miss you more than I can say. If. Can. If we can’t return to, to, how things were… Can we at least be brothers, friends?”

Kíli studied Fíli’s face for a long uncomfortable moment before he shook his head again. “No. I can’t be around you.”

Kíli reached out an arm to close his door, but Fíli stopped him with a gentle “Why? Please tell me that.”

Kíli’s arm dropped to his side. Voice flat, he twisted a knife in Fíli’s side. “Am I your friend?"

Kili paused, eyes boring into Fili's. He took a breath. "Or am I your pet? A possession to keep on a shelf? What am I to you?" Another pause. "We agreed that I’m your bodyguard, that we protect each other. I was to be your equal outside the mountain.”

He ran a hand through his hair, looked down. “I thought we agreed,” he whispered.

“I don’t see us as equals,” Fíli said. “I see you as more. I need you. I can’t lose you.”

“I can’t believe this,” Kíli sighed. “You have to quit repeating that. I am not a child. You weren’t treating me like a child in bed. And I still want to touch you so badly it hurts. I want to hold onto you and take you in with my hands and my mouth, and. And you don’t deserve it.”

Fíli closed his eyes for a moment, felt a ghost of Kíli’s mouth on his. Hungered for Kíli’s touch. Fíli took a deep breath and forced his eyes back to Kíli’s face. “I know. I. I will try. Try harder. To let you protect yourself.” Fíli couldn’t help himself - he reached his hand toward Kíli’s face. Kíli’s narrowed eyes stopped him.

“Don’t.” Kíli closed the door.

Fíli sighed and rested his forehead against the cold wood. _He didn’t slam it._


	13. Trust

"Nori found it," Fíli said to Kíli's door. The door did not respond.

The king stood straight, proud, as if addressing an audience. He wore mail over light leather, vambraces, his normal assortment of weapons, blond hair tied back. He itched to move, to fight, but his heart embraced the feeling, held it in so his body could project what he needed. Calm.

He'd had so many small victories as king, and he was grateful for each, but this could be the first big one. The first to cement the Erebor-Dale partnership, a promise of protection to his loyal dwarves, a peace offering to the one he loved.

 _The one I love. The only one I will ever love._ That thought twisted the now familiar knot in his stomach. Fíli had gotten used to it lately, didn't notice it but when he thought of losing Kíli. His brother's anger had cooled of late, and he'd speak to Fíli politely, keeping his eyes fixed somewhere beyond. Though an improvement, it hurt every time. Fíli couldn't pretend it didn't. 

"Nori found the orcs," Fíli continued. "He thinks the raids are coming from one filthy place."

The room answered with a bang of wood on wood and a clatter of metal. Fíli almost smirked, but his gut wouldn't permit it. "He's taking Dwalin, Balin, and me to reconnoiter."

Fíli held his breath. The door sighed open. He released the breath, but held in hope and trepidation. Kíli, his beautiful, lithe warrior, stood lightly armored with his face blank. _No. Not_ mine. _But absolutely a warrior. How did I miss this happening right next to me?_

Fíli nodded to his bodyguard, firmly squashing errant thoughts about just how handsome Kíli looked and what his body would like to do about that. Fíli received a sharp nod in return, spun, and marched out their door. Kíli strode just behind Fíli to his left, two guards behind them. 

Kíli belonged there, yet Fíli wanted his brother on his strong side. The king shrugged his shoulders to loosen them, straightened. He had to do this. For Kíli. For himself. One last twinge of fear for Kíli's safety and Fíli was all business, warrior king. The five dwarves left Fíli's guards at the front gate and marched east away from the river and up the mountain's southeastern spur.

Some hours of climbing and clambering over boulders brought home the reality of just how big the mountain was and how much ground had been covered in the search. Eventually Nori called a halt just before a sharp ridge of rock. Hand signals indicated that the target was on the far side of the ridge. Nori had indicated the body of the snake still thought it lived and burrowed in filth in a narrow cave in the mountain.

Anger flashed through Fíli as he thought of orcs in _his_ mountain. He channeled his anger into a sharp point in his mind, saving it for battle. He signaled to Nori to continue. The mission depended on stealth now. Fíli had considered leaving Dwalin behind, simply because his bulk made it too difficult to move quietly. Fíli had compromised by leaving his two guards. Dwalin needed to see this.

Nori led the group southeast, away from the target, until the ridge dropped steeply in a tumble of boulders. As the group skirted the rock, Kíli maintained his position on Fíli's left, the older brothers fanned out behind.

The opposite side of the ridge was a surprisingly colorful heathland, woody shrubs reclaiming the desolation and sheltering calling birds. Juniper dotted the lands, several having managed to cling to life. The group followed the ridge north, silent but for boots crunching rock and twigs.

The incline steepened as the ridge approached the mountain proper. Boulders and scrub rose above them and to the east. The dwarves moved more slowly in an effort toward silence. No paths existed through the brush, and some noise was unavoidable. The boulders would at least hide them from eyes. 

Nori raised a hand and gestured to Fíli. Fíli motioned Dwalin and Balin to hold as he slithered up a gently sloped boulder with Nori and Kíli. The three dwarves slowly raised heads to peer over the top. Refuse littered the ground in front of a dark hole in the mountain about 150 yards away. Nothing moved. Fíli glanced at Kíli, who shook his head. Fíli hadn’t expected a lot of activity during the day with orcs, but they’d been desperate enough to raid the humans’ supplies during daylight. 

Nori suspected an utter lack of leadership and discipline, less intelligent than a wolf pack missing its alpha. The dwarves’ stillness was rewarded after some time when a scrawny beast slunk out of the hole and scrambled up the ridge. Something that may once had been living was thrown out after it. Fíli didn’t want to know what it was.

The ground surrounding the cave didn’t make for ideal fighting terrain, nor was there an easy way to march an army here. The king thought numbers rather than stealth would win the day.

Fíli and Kíli slid off the rock, replaced by the older brothers. Finally satisfied, they retraced their steps, arriving back at Erebor as the sun kissed the horizon. Fíli suppressed a sigh of relief as they entered the gate. _No. Kíli can protect himself._

 

Bard, his chief councilor Orela, human guard leaders, and several other men and women arrived in the morning to discuss strategy with the dwarves. Fíli sat in the council room, which was slowly approaching the official appearance it deserved, at the head of the large, newly polished table. Kíli sat on his left, Balin on his right. Bard settled in at the other end of the table, with the remaining humans and dwarves arrayed around the table in no particular order. Thanks to Balin, Fíli’s council had agreed to mix with the humans to encourage the slowly growing camaraderie.

Bofur managed to bring grins to straight-faced guards, while Orela quietly talked to Ori. Dís was charming one of Bard's former enemies. Fíli exchanged nods with Bard. Dale and Erebor _would_ thrive again.

Fíli began by briefly describing where Nori had taken them yesterday, then let Nori take over. Nori answered Bard's many insightful questions, rather professionally. _He just needed a job that suited him,_ Fíli thought.

The group agreed to drill troops together and to meet again to finalize timing and disposition. As the humans filed out of the room, Kíli met the king’s eyes for the second time in two days and nodded. Fíli felt a decidedly unkingly blush on his cheeks and could only hope no one noticed.

 

Dinnertime, and Kíli lay on his bed, hands behind his head, thinking. Of Fíli. Of course. Kíli was nearly ready to forgive him. His brother had shown every sign of late of respecting Kíli and his wishes. Yet, the betrayal still stung, in large part due to the timing. Kíli sighed.

He felt the ghost of Fíli’s lips on his own, a rough hand on his face, the look of love in the blue eyes. He felt his hands on Fíli’s back as the muscles moved. His head played it over and over… the tentative touches moving toward confidence and need. How badly his body wanted his brother’s, how happy he’d been every time Fíli shared the feeling. Moans and whispers of desire and – a knock on the door.

“Are you kidding me?” Kíli whispered. His name drawn in lust from Fíli’s lips and – a knock.

“Don’t interrupt me!” Kíli said in exasperation.

A last tentative knock that could hardly have come from the king’s hand, and Kíli almost felt Fíli backing away in disappointment. Kíli huffed a sigh, not without affection, and pulled himself out of his reverie and to his door.

Kíli smiled at his brother then, looking into eyes he still loved. He couldn’t help it. Fíli looked so far from a king at the moment, he just wanted to hug him like a child or a puppy. 

Fíli had been backing away, shoulders slumped, eyes and face crestfallen. He looked up with hope and surprise when Kíli opened the door. Just like a child. A beautiful, strong, lovable, needy child. 

“Come here, you idiot,” Kíli said, shaking his head. 

Fíli just looked a question at him.

“You heard me.”

Fíli took tentative steps forward. _Toward Kíli, the unpredictable wild animal,_ Kíli thought. _If you make it over here, you’re forgiven._

Kíli laughed for the first time in too long as Fíli closed the last couple feet in a rush to capture the animal before it changed its mind. Kíli pushed into Fíli to avoid being tackled and held him tight, chuckling into the blond hair. Fíli’s shoulders shook, in laughter, with tears, maybe both, and Kíli kissed his head. 

“You forgive me,” Fíli’s muffled voice sounded from the vicinity of Kíli’s shoulder.

Kíli rested his head against his brother’s, kept him gripped tightly. “First you have to promise me something.”

“Anything.”

“Listen first. You are my king, and I gladly follow you in most things. But in danger, in battle, I am your equal. Your equal, Fíli. We go together or we don’t go.”

“Yes.”

“You’re certain?”

“Yes. I will never be comfortable with the idea of you being in danger, but we will protect each other.”

“I love you, Fíli. I never stopped loving you. I just have to be able to trust you.”

“I know. I am sorry.”

Kíli loosened his grip, kissed Fíli’s forehead. “You’re a good king.”

“I’m trying. I’m getting better. I miss you. I need you by my side.”

Kíli nodded. He knew, and he needed Fíli, too – the Fíli who would keep him at his side.

Fíli pulled back, running a hand down Kíli’s arm and grasping a hand. “I want to show you something.”

 

Fíli floated down the hall. He had Kíli back. Mostly back. _I won’t lose him again. Ever._ He glanced at his brother walking at his side. Mahal, he had missed him. As soon as Fíli steered them down a messy hall leading down into the mountain, he took Kíli’s hand again. He felt a little silly at the chill that ran up his arm and down his spine at the touch. But it felt so good. 

Fíli made the seemingly random turns that Bifur had shown him, past former workshops, forges, storage rooms, ignoring Kíli’s questioning looks for the moment. “Trust me,” he said simply.

At length Fíli pulled Kíli into a small glittering cavern. Kíli stopped in shock, dropping Fíli’s hand. Fíli watched the lights from torches reflecting a myriad of colors off Kíli’s awed face. Bifur found the room while assessing the state of the workshops. They couldn’t figure what it had been used for and why it hadn’t been mined. Perhaps former inhabitants had been as entranced as Kíli and had the foresight to preserve the cave. 

Sparkling gemstones of every color were embedded in the walls and ceiling. The twinkling lights felt as tangible as sound in the silence of the lower mountain.

“What is this place?” Kíli whispered.

“I don’t know.” Fíli shook his head. “I wish I did.”

Kíli nodded, watching the walls as Fíli led him to a small blanket on the hastily swept floor. Kíli looked down and grinned at the food spread in the middle. “Are you courting me?”

Fíli felt his mouth quirk in a familiar, missed expression. He took a deep breath and turned toward his brother. Fíli rested his hands on Kíli’s cheekbones, pushed back his hair, and tried not to get lost in the brown eyes. 

“Kee, you know I love you. But more than that, I respect you. I respect your strength and your honesty and your heart. I will not hurt you again.” They pressed their foreheads together, and Fíli’s knees nearly buckled in relief.

“I forgive you,” Kíli said as they pulled back. “You don’t have to court me.”

Fíli swatted at Kíli’s arm. “It’s dinnertime. I wanted to show you this but didn’t want to starve doing so.”

As they sat, Fíli continued, “And I needed to talk to you.”

Fíli could see Kíli suppress another joke. “What’s wrong?”

“The coronation is soon. I - I’ve been king for awhile, but now I can feel the crown on my head. It's heavy.”

Kíli nodded. “It’ll be over quickly, and things will be exactly the same.”

“Yeah.”

Kíli reached out and squeezed Fíli’s hand, immediately comforting Fíli as he looked down at his hands in Kili’s. “Kee,” Fili murmured, looking up. "How did I miss you becoming so strong?”

Fíli’s breath hitched as Kíli lifted his hand and kissed his palm. “You ignored it.”

Fíli closed his eyes. “How could I?”

Fíli eyes opened wide as Kíli kissed his wrist. “You were comfortable,” Kíli said between soft kisses. “It suited how you see yourself, what you want to be. I once needed your protection. I love you for it. But I need you in a different way now.”

Fíli nodded as Kíli pushed the plates to the side and pulled him closer. “I understand, Fee. I want to keep you safe, too. But we belong together.”

Their lips met. To Fíli, it felt like the first time. Tentative movement and warm lips, eventually parting to a slow dance of tongues.

Fíli pulled back, breathless. “Mahal, I missed that.”

“Oh yes. Let’s go to bed,” Kíli grinned.

“I want to, but I need to go talk to –“

“Fíli. Let’s go to bed.”

They went to Fíli's bed, Fíli wrapped around Kíli like he’d never let him go.

 

The morning of his coronation ceremony, Fíli woke to a disconcertingly empty bed. He walked into the common room and paused. Kíli stood across the room with his back turned, fiddling with something. Fíli strode toward Kíli, eyes on his straight back and strong shoulders. Fíli wrapped his arms around his brother, rested his cheek on Kíli's muscular back, and closed his eyes. He breathed in his brother's presence. _Kíli._

"I don't want to stop being me," Fíli said softly.

Kíli set the something down on a low bookshelf with a clink and put his hands over Fíli's. "You won't."

"I'll really be king."

"King Fíli," gentle emphasis on his name.

Fíli's breath hitched at the title. "Exactly."

Kíli squeezed Fíli's hands and then gently turned around. Fíli kept his hands loosely on Kíli's back.

Looking into his eyes, Kíli placed a simple golden crown on Fíli's head. 

"Not yet. It's -" 

"It's just us."

Kíli gazed at Fíli for another moment. "You're still Fíli."

Kíli grasped Fíli's shoulders. "And you're strong," Kíli said.

"Strong enough?"

"Yes. But should you ever doubt, I will be here."

"Yes. Thank you."

Kíli flashed his smile, the oasis in a desert, the sun after days of clouds. "You remember to thank me when I remind you of the time Uncle Thorin yelled at you for almost an hour for cursing in front of Mama. Or the time you tried to save me from that tall oak, and I ended up having to help you out of it. Or -”

Fíli laughed, worry sliding away, and pulled Kíli in for a long hug.

 

Fíli strode into the Great Hall of Thror in light armor and dual swords, eyes focused forward, Dís and Kíli just behind him on either side with Balin and Dwalin behind them. Fíli figured he should walk slowly, but he wanted this over with as quickly as possible without being disrespectful. A stately walk didn't suit him anyway. 

The remainder of the company and Bard stood on a dais at the vast hall's front around an ornate throne. Dwarves and humans lined the hall on either side of a long path down the center. The treasure had been safely stored, the dragon's filth painstakingly scrubbed away, some by Fíli's own hand. It likely didn't approach its original grandeur, but it was fitting for the current population of the mountain. The next arrivals would restore it to more than utilitarian purpose.

Fíli stopped at the threshold of the dais, still facing forward. Dís and Kíli stepped up to stand on either side of the throne. The older brothers followed to stand with the company.

Fíli took a deep breath and stepped up, moved to just in front of the throne, and turned to face the hall. 

A loud cheer met him, gratifying and a bit frightening. Fíli bowed to each side of the hall, to Bard, to the company, and then turned to face his brother. Kíli winked and handed him a scepter that had been dug out of the dragon’s stash. Fíli hoped to never see it again, but he felt much better about it as his hand brushed Kíli’s. He bowed again and turned toward his mother.

Dis, wearing a shining gown with her hair pulled back, looked radiant. She smiled as he bowed to her, and Fíli felt the rest of the tension slide from his shoulders. She held up the simple, finely wrought crown for all to see, then gently placed it on his head. Another roar from the crowd as he raised the scepter, and it was done. Fíli hadn't been able to refuse a ceremony, but he'd managed to insist on brief simplicity.

The King under the Mountain handed the scepter to Kíli, hugged his mother, and exchanged shoulder claps with the company - his council – before moving off the stage to mingle with the crowd, Kíli at his side. 

Fíli wanted to grasp Kíli’s hand, but settled for breathing in his presence while cheerfully greeting seemingly every human and dwarf in existence. _Tonight. Tonight. I’ll be alone with him tonight._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kíli on Fíli's left is thanks to jx437. :)


	14. Share

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to awesome jx437, aka pyxis-142, for being my first ever beta!

Tonight. King Fíli had made it to “tonight,” and now he was just Fíli. He and Kíli had just toweled off after a relaxing bath, the need to soothe tense muscles, along with the lingering tension between them, keeping hands off naked bodies.

The brothers sprawled on a blanket in their dim common room, naked to the waist in light night trousers, mugs of ale at hand, a fire crackling. Fíli lay on his back, an arm under his head, Kíli next to him, sides barely touching.

So relieved by Kíli’s easy proximity, Fíli was content to just lie next to his brother. Kíli, apparently, was not. Kíli rolled toward Fíli, propped himself up on an elbow, and traced Fíli’s face with his eyes. Fíli couldn’t help the flush rising up his face. He looked down, then back up at Kíli’s eyes. The pure love was back, no longer shrouded in pain and disappointment. _Kíli._

Kíli ran a soft finger slowly along Fíli's chin, down his neck, along his collar bone, then back up to his chin, along a cheekbone, an eyebrow.

Fíli kept his eyes on Kíli’s. “Mm, I missed you, Kee.”

“I know.” Kíli’s languorous finger moved across Fíli’s hairline. “But it’s over now.”

“I am sorry I hurt you.”

“I know that, too,” Kíli murmured, followed with a small smile. “And I know you won’t do it again.”

Fíli’s grinned back, eyes closing. “Never.”

 

Fíli looked relaxed, sleepy. Kíli liked him this way, with his guard finally down. Kíli ran his thumb over the other eyebrow, down Fíli’s nose, brushed his lips, the light earthy scent of soap and _Fíli_ wrapping around him.

“Feels so good,” Fíli drawled. “But you might be relaxing me too much.”

“Impossible. Fee, you need to relax.”

Fíli stretched, the arm that was under his head now reaching over it. He rolled onto his side facing Kíli, leaned forward and glided his lips across Kíli’s. “I want to stay awake, though. Spend time with you.”

Resentment melted with Kíli’s heart as the blue eyes blanketed him with love.

"My beautiful Kee," Fíli whispered, bringing calloused hand to Kíli’s cheek and sending shivers down Kíli's body.

Kíli could hardly believe he had Fíli this way, especially since Fíli had nearly thrown it away after so brief a time. But that wouldn’t happen again, and so Kíli smiled on his golden king. Strong with eyes like the boundless sky, teasing lips, flashes of dimples, and his muscles, Mahal... Yes, Mahal had graced Fíli with a perfectly balanced and muscled body, and – _What am I doing thinking about it?_

Kíli traced a thumb across his brother's parted lips, felt his sharp inhalation, slid the hand up into smooth blond hair, and teased Fíli’s soft lips with his own. Kíli glided his tongue over Fíli's top lip, pushed through teeth. Lips locked as Fíli rolled over and onto Kíli.

Kíli laughed, breaking the kiss and running his fingers down his brother's back. "Hey."

A flash of teeth from above, and Fíli's smile pressed onto Kíli’s with a low laugh, tongue moving across teeth, into the welcoming warmth of Kíli’s mouth. Kíli felt a moan rumble from deep in his lungs into Fíli’s. Kíli reveled in his brother’s heavy body pressing down on him, the feel of chest hair, tongues entwining.

Hands tangled in damp hair as Fíli’s weight pressed down, his hair a shimmering curtain around their faces, sharing warmth and breath. _Safe_.

Kíli’s fingers slid down beard as he crushed their mouths together, tongues probing, exploring. Then hands stroking up around Fíli's neck and down his back as the kiss became shallower, became Fíli sucking at his bottom lip, Fíli gently breaking the kiss and lifting his head.

“Am I hurting you?”

Kíli huffed a sigh, pushed his brother off of him and onto his back, then slammed his body onto Fíli’s. “Am I hurting you?”

Fíli’s look of surprise slipped to a smirk as he bucked his hips into Kíli’s. “Your weight feels nice.”

“ _Your_ weight feels nice,” Kíli repeated, leaning down and biting Fíli’s earlobe. “Quit worrying about me.”

“Ow. Kíli!”

“You deserved that,” Kíli said, sitting up and straddling his brother. With dark eyes and a trembling finger Kíli traced the curve of one pectoral and then another. Fíli sighed as he closed his eyes, tipping his head back.

Kíli’s unsteady breath hitched with Fíli’s when the younger’s thumb brushed a dusky nipple. Kíli lifted the hand, then pressed his palm up under a pectoral and over curling hair. He slid his hand down warm skin, and Fíli gasped as Kíli circled his thumb on the nipple.

“So sensitive,” Kíli whispered.

Fíli’s head sunk back, eyes half-lidded, "mmm, oooh," and “Kíli” slipping from wet lips.

“Fee,” Kíli moaned in return as he watch his brother’s pleasure. Keeping his thumb moving, Kíli pulled his eyes away from Fili’s face and bent down to draw the other hard nipple into his mouth, flicked his tongue. Fíli jumped.

"All right, my love?" Kíli murmured around the areola.

"I." Gasp. "I. Yes." Gasp. "Never felt such -"

“Oh, Kee," he breathed as Kili's tongue slid back over a sensitive tip.

 _I want to feel him everywhere, every inch of his body, yet I want his hands on me,_ Kíli’s mind raced. _I want both, now, like this is the only time we have._

"It's not." Kíli whispered to the beautiful chest under his mouth.

"Not what?" Fíli responded, hands pushing through Kíli’s hair, Kíli’s scalp tingling.

"Not the only time we'll do this." Kíli looked up into eyes turned all dark dilated pupil.

Fíli pulled Kíli up with burning hands under the younger’s arms and crushed their mouths together, pushing searing tongue hungrily into Kíli’s mouth, struggling against each other to feel every inch of mouth, breathe in need.

Lips broke apart with a loud smack, brothers panting.

“We belong together,” Fíli breathed, bringing hands up to hold Kíli’s face. “We will do this again."

“I need you now. Now Fee. In case something happens again.” Kíli grasped his brother’s shoulders, pressed down for another kiss.

“Oh, Kee, my love, my only, no,” another breathless kiss. “We will do this again and again. I promise.”

“Now, I need you. Now.” Kíli captured Fíli’s bottom lip between his own.

Fíli gasped, slid hands back over Kíli’s ears, pressed foreheads together, pulled Kíli into his eyes. “I wanted the first time to be slow. Or long. I don’t know. Not too fast.”

“If we will do this again, then that doesn’t matter.” Kíli squeezed Fíli’s shoulders. “Take me, Fíli.”

“I. Oh, gods, I want you.” A kiss and a nip on swollen lips, and “My brother, Mahal, help me.” And another kiss, gulps of air.

“It’s just us, Fee. Take me.”

Fíli stretched out a leg and flipped Kíli onto his back. “Ahhh,” Kíli pressed his erection up into his brother’s. “Yes. You feel so good on top of me. Push me down, baby.”

“Want to try slow,” Fíli breathed as he kissed Kili’s collarbone.

Fíli's mouth burned down Kíli's body to his stomach, then Fíli was moving back up, warm tongue on Kíli's chest, a kiss over his heart, a nip on his neck. Kíli's breath escaped in gasps. Fíli pressed his cheek against Kíli's, breath stirring his hair, mouth on ear. "Kíli", Fíli murmured. "You'll stop me if you feel uncomfortable, yes."

Kíli could barely form a coherent thought with his senses singing _Fíli_. "I won't be," he managed.

Fíli slid his cheek up Kíli's, lifted his head, gently rested a hand on Kíli's cheek, took in his eyes. "My love, my Kee, this is important to me. Promise you'll tell me if you're uncomfortable."

For a long moment, Kíli just gazed into his brother's eyes, overwhelmed with love and affection and desire. "I promise," he whispered.

Kíli put his hand over Fíli's, held on, pulled it to his mouth, kissed the fingertips. Fíli slid his thumb over Kíli's bottom lip, and Kíli gently bit it. Fíli's breath sped up as he watched Kíli's mouth, moved slowly down to replace his thumb with his tongue.

Fíli trailed his tongue down the line of Kíli’s jaw to neck to the hollow of his throat. Kíli dug his hands into the shifting muscles of Fíli's back, as Fíli bit down where neck and shoulder meet. Kíli shivered, eyes closed. Fíli's mouth trailed down Kíli's chest, calloused hands following, mouth pressing heat and moisture onto Kíli's skin, hands gentle and caressing. Kíli moaned, felt the vibration of Fíli's responding "mmm".

Fíli swirled tongue around a nipple, and Kíli feared going mad with desire, his erection straining against his trousers. Fíli nibbled on the tip while his thumb stroked the other. 

Kíli involuntarily kicked a foot against the floor. "Oh god, Fíli," fighting to breathe, "so good. So," panting, "unbearably good."

Kíli was helpless to do anything but feel back and shoulder muscles move under hot, damp skin. Fíli's tongue trailed down to Kíli's stomach, blunt fingernails dragging down Kíli's ribs.

"Your skin tastes so good," Fíli murmured. Another moan escaped from Fíli, vibrated Kíli's skin as Fíli kissed Kíli's abdomen, lower, through thickening hair, lower, then detached. Kíli moaned again as Fíli hastily pulled off Kíli's pants.

Fíli spread Kíli's legs, knelt between them. Kíli risked opening his eyes and whimpered. Damn if Fíli didn't glow, long hair gleaming in the dim light, chest hair sparkling like gold, sweat shining on sculpted muscles. Fíli licked his lips, lifted an eyebrow. 

"Shit, you're so beautiful," Kíli breathed. "I can’t believe this is happening."

"I was thinking the same of you, my heart." Then Fíli, the gorgeous little shit, had the nerve to smirk at him as he slowly lowered himself down between Kíli's legs. This was really too much. "Oh Fiiiili, unnhuh..."

Fíli kissed Kíli's thighs, moving in and up, hands on Kíli's hips. Kíli’s eyes rolled back as Fíli left a warm hand on Kíli's writhing hip and with the other grasped the base of Kíli's cock. Kíli tensed in disbelief and anticipation, and it happened. Fíli licked slowly up the shaft to the head.

“Oh _fuck_ ,” Kíli yelled, pushing a hand in Fíli's hair while the other fisted in the rug. His neck arched back, heart racing, as Fíli took Kíli's pulsing cock in his mouth.

“So. Ooohhh. Gooood,” and then – 

Fíli touched a finger to Kíli's entrance, gently circled it, and oh, wasn’t that an interesting, an _intense_ sensation, and "Fíli, stop!"

Fíli froze, lifted his head. “No, it's fine, it’s good," Kíli gasped. "Was about to come."

"Mmm," Fíli kissed the top of Kíli's thigh, his hip bone, said "don't move," and disappeared. He was back in a moment, naked, erect, with a vial of oil. 

Fíli laid down next to Kíli, covered a finger with oil, pressed it against Kíli’s entrance. Kíli groaned, freezing his brother.

“It’s all right, Fee,” Kíli whispered, lifting his head to brush lips across Fíli’s. “Keep going.”

Fíli pressed the very tip of his finger inside. “This all right?”

“Shit, Fíli.” Kíli writhed, pressing into his brother. “Of course it is.”

Kíli bit his lip, widened his eyes. “You were just sucking me off, and now you’re worried about a finger here or there?”

Fíli started, licked his lips, pushed his finger inside his brother. “Kee. Where did you learn to talk like that?!”

“Nothing to learn, love, just feel it.” Kíli wrapped a hand around Fíli’s neck, pulled him in for a messy kiss. 

Fíli moved his finger inside of his brother. Kíli felt like he barely could hold a single finger. Kíli focused on deep breaths, relaxing, taking Fíli in. Fíli's finger probed, Fíli moaned, and Kíli felt... well, it didn't hurt, was kind of weird, so... intimate. He closed his eyes and caressed Fíli's side. 

Another finger slid inside and he jumped, Fíli had hit something... pleasant. 

“Are you all right?” his beautifully infuriating brother asked.

Kíli grabbed a handful of blond hair. “ _Quit_ worrying about me.”

“I’m trying. But Kíli. Kíli. My fingers are in you, and –“

Kíli cut him off with another wet kiss, and then Fíli drew back, staring at Kíli’s face. Kíli managed a wink, though lust was a consuming fire. 

Fíli’s mouth dropped slack and then it was on Kíli’s chest, warm, nipping, they were breathing hard again, sounds of pleasure escaping mouths, and three fingers inside, and Kíli wasn’t sure how he felt, but he wasn’t really thinking, especially when Fíli's strained voice moaned, "I waaaannnt you."

Kíli writhed, body relaxing over the fingers. He raked his fingers up through the coarse hair on Fíli’s belly, eliciting a needy whimper from his brother, who had his fingers in his -

"Yes. Take me, Fíli," Kíli’s mouth responded from the depths of his desire, his body, his soul. " _Take me._ "

Fíli's fingers slid out slowly. He sat up on his knees, moved back between Kíli’s legs, gently lifted Kíli’s knees, Kili’s heart was pounding, and then –

Kíli raised his eyes from Fíli’s arousal to his taut and shining abdomen to reddened face, uncertain eyes. “What’s wrong?” he whispered. “Fee?”

“Nothing. Nothing’s wrong. I just –“ Fíli shook his head.

“Are you? Are you… Nervous?” Kíli sat up knees outside of Fíli’s legs and leaned in to wrap his arms around his brother.

“No,” Fíli muttered, looking down. A sigh. “Yes. I’ve never done this.”

Kíli kissed Fili's neck. “Nor have I. It’s all right.” A bite on the flesh between neck and shoulder, a moan from Fíli as he lifted his head. “It’s just me.” A lick up Fíli’s throat. “We’ll figure it out.” A kiss just below Fíli’s ear, a shudder from Fíli.

“You’re. Oh, mmm, gods, Keeee. Wow. You’re, you aren’t nervous?”

“Not at all,” Kíli breathed. “I trust you, my love. My lover.”

"But it’s not _just_ you. I want this to be good for you. So good.”

Kíli looked up, rested his forehead on Fíli’s for a moment, then parted Fíli’s lips with his tongue. He teased his brother’s mouth, then rested lips together. “I want you. You want me.” Their lips brushed as Kíli murmured. “Take me, baby. Don’t think. You want me. Sink yourself inside of me. Let me feel you.”

“Unnnh. Shit, Kíli. Fuck.” A flicker of Fíli’s tongues on moving lips, erections pressed together.

“Yes, Fee. Yes. Fuck me. You want me.” Kíli breathed into Fíli’s lungs, drew hot breath into his own.

Fíli grabbed Kíli’s shoulders, pushed him back down, crushed mouths together.

 

Fíli pressed his impossibly hard, slick cock against Kíli's hole and entered partway, burned, settled. Deep breath. His head leaned back, then he looked down at Kíli, gorgeous, dark, gleaming with sweat… half-lidded eyes watching him, no sign of pain.

Kíli lifted narrow hips, Fíli pushed in all the way, and Kíli gasped. Fíli almost asked if Kíli was all right, suppressed concern, focused on _need_. 

Fíli groaned, his back arched, and he moved his hips, in and out, very, very slowly, while a hand slid over to grasp Kíli's cock, the other resting on his knee. 

Kíli grabbed Fíli’s hips, held on, drew his brother in. “Keeee,” the older breathed as their eyes locked. Kíli barely shook his head, bucked into Fíli, eliciting a harsh gasp, then “ _Take_ me, Fíli.”

"You. You feel amazing," Fíli ground out. He tried to keep his thrusts even and slow, but his lust was overcoming control, narrowing his vision. 

"Yesss," the younger hissed. "I feel you inside of me. Filling me up. Unnh. Oh gods." He threw his head back, slammed his hips forward. 

Fíli's froze, eyes rolled back, cock pulsing. "Kíli. Oh, Kee, don't," panting, tenuous grip on control slipping, slipping. 

"No?" Kíli’s eyes searched for focus, settled on his brother’s mouth. “You don’t want to come inside of me?”

Fíli shook his head, though that wasn’t what he meant. He was capable of nothing else.

"Make _me_ come then," his glorious, terrible brother whispered, licking red lips.

“Mahal, Kíli, you are _filthy_ ,” Fíli couldn’t slow his breathing, he needed to move. Move inside his brother. _Yessss._ “I’m going to fuck you, Kíli.”

“Fuck me, Fee. Do it. Don’t think. Doesn’t gotta be perfect. Just fuck. Wanna feel you.”

“Kíli. Kíli, _fuuuucck_.”

Fíli moved faster, in and out, he only felt his cock, Kíli moved out of sync with him, it didn’t matter, it felt amazing. His heart was racing, he couldn’t keep up, he needed, he wanted, he had, he would…

Fíli shuddered, heart thudding, and grabbing Kíli’s hip, pushed into his brother, and out, and eyes closed, hand clumsy on Kíli’s erection, Kíli yelling, moaning, Kíli’s searing heat expanding up from his groin, radiating over his body. And he was grunting like an animal, and moaning, and thrusting, hard, in and out, no rhythm, it still didn’t matter, Kíli screamed, harsh breath, and Kíli would make him... 

“Aaaahhh,” come, bending over, pleasure pulsing over his body in expanding waves as he managed to keep his hand moving. Kíli followed immediately, coming over his stomach and Fíli’s hand with a roar.

Fíli slowly straightened, gently pulled out with a groan, and then collapsed on top of his brother as they gulped air. For a moment Fíli thought he’d never catch his breath. _Oh, Kee._ Kíli warm and yielded under him, bliss.

He rolled over, bringing some of Kíli’s seed with him, and stroked Kíli's shoulder, ran a finger down his arm. 

Kíli sighed and lifted a languid hand to Fíli’s face. As their breathing slowed, Fíli brushed back Kíli's hair, bent down for a soft kiss. Kíli put his hand over Fíli's heart and Fíli pressed his hand on top.

“I.” Fíli stopped. _I love you_ didn’t do justice to how he felt. Kíli looked at him with clear understanding eyes as they lightened to chestnut and he nodded. He pulled Fíli’s hand to his mouth and kissed it, closing his eyes.

“I love you, Fíli. We do belong together.”

Fíli almost laughed in relief, his senses overwhelmed. He grabbed his bath towel and cleaned them off. “Come to bed.”

"Can't we just stay here?" Kíli stretched languidly.

"Come to bed, my love."

"Fine,” Kíli sighed, “help me up."

Fíli pushed himself up, pulling his brother by his hand. They stumbled together into Fíli's bed, and Fíli wrapped himself around Kíli. "I love you, Kee."

"I know." Then soft breaths of peaceful sleep.

 

The next few days felt like Fíli’s best as king so far. He had the peace and contentment of Kíli at his side. He had a pleasant need for Kíli’s body thrumming in the back of his mind. He was able and expected to _fight_ much of the day.

That turned out to be a good thing, given that Fíli had embarrassed himself by tripping and very nearly falling when Kíli winked at him the morning after their physical union. His desire for his brother was too new to ignore. Kíli had practice there.

Under the watchful eyes of Dwalin and Bard’s guard captain, the dwarves and humans drilled together in preparation for exterminating the mountains’ orc infestation. Fíli and Kíli sparred as a pair first against other dwarves and then against the strongest of the men. Fíli had no problem maintaining focus then. Until he and Kíli were back in sync, fighting as one as they had before they were injured, each match would be a struggle.

Fíli enjoyed this struggle. It was simple, it made sense, it was fun, and it felt _right_. Kíli did belong on his left in battle, and they proved to be a formidable team as soon as Fíli accepted the full potential of this union.


	15. Begin

On the eve of the planned orc extermination mission, Dwalin and Fíli rested on a training hall bench. Fíli leaned his head back against the wall and stretched his legs. As their breathing slowed, Fíli tilted his head a bit toward Dwalin. _Now or never,_ he told himself.

“What ya got to say, king?”

“How is it possible that I’ve surrounded myself with mind readers?”

“You’re surrounded by dwarves who have seen you grow up. Now spit it out, son.”

So Fíli spit it out, before awkwardness overtook him. “I’m in love with Kíli.”

As a child, he’d seen Dwalin as a giant, a gruff but lovable bear. Now Dwalin still seemed giant but looked more like a volcano about to erupt. Fíli steeled himself, then took a closer look. Ready to erupt... _with laughter?_

“You think it’s... Funny?” Fíli asked, not feeling much like a king. He took a drink of water to hide his nervousness.

Dwalin let the younger dwarf sweat it out a bit longer, then turned his head and quirked an eyebrow. “I think it’s funny you thought I didn’t know.”

Fíli’s spit out his water in a sputtering fountain. “You. You knew. Am I completely transparent?” he grumbled.

“Yes, and no. To your idiot brother, I guess not. To Balin, me, yes.” 

Fíli quirked an eyebrow. 

“Son, you’ve been looking at Kíli lately like he’s looked at you his whole life.”

Fíli’s eyes widened. _Oh._

“Pair of great idiots,” Dwalin grinned.

“You’re not angry, disgusted?”

Dwalin considered. “If I was, I’ve had time to get over it. If ever a pair belonged together, it’s you two.”

Fíli looked down, sighed. This was better than he had hoped for. He reached over and squeezed Dwalin’s shoulder. 

“What of others, Dwalin?” 

After a moment, Dwalin rumbled, “The dwarves will accept or ignore it so long as you’re a good, strong king. And you are that. Men think we’re odd anyway, and I don’t give a shit what the elves think.”

Fíli laughed as Dwalin’s fierce expression faded into a smile and nod of support. 

 

Fíli lay on his back, eyes closed. The warm weight of Kíli’s hand rested on his stomach, his neck in the crook of Fíli’s elbow. Fíli, content and languorous, stroked gentle fingertips over his brother’s hip. 

“I told Dwalin, Kíli.”

“Hm?” Kíli murmured. Fíli just smiled, eyes closed.

“Wait! You what?!” Kíli jerked his head up.

Fíli looked into wide brown eyes. “It’s fine, Kee. I wouldn’t have said it like that if not.”

Kíli sighed and nestled back down. “Well?”

“I know it was a risk, but I don’t want us to be a secret forever.” Fíli settled deeper into the bed, pulling Kíli even closer. “Though a nice secret it is.”

“Mmm. But I’m glad. I thought you did.”

“Want to keep it secret? No. For awhile, not forever. I want to celebrate you, Kee. Us.”

Fíli could feel his brother’s smile. Fíli felt like his whole body smiled in response.

“So? Come on, what did he say?”

“It turns out I took no risk at all. He already knew.”

“He?” Kíli’s head popped up again, and then he said faintly as he let his head fall back down, “He _knew_?”

Fíli chuckled. “For years apparently. Well before I knew.”

“Oh gods, Fee, I’m sorry. It’s my fault then.”

Fíli turned his head to kiss Kíli’s forehead. “I’m sure only those closest to us suspected anything. And Dwalin said no one will care if I’m a good king.”

“Ah. So it’s on you,” Kíli smiled again. “You better be a worthy king then, brother.”

“I plan to,” Fíli smirked. “But now the king needs sleep.”

“Yeah, all right.” Kíli sounded sleepy, yet Fíli felt his brother’s arousal against his skin. Fíli kissed Kíli’s dark head, murmured his love.

Kíli wrapped his leg over Fíli and suddenly the king was looking up into sable eyes.

"I thought you were tired," Fíli muttered.

"I am." Kíli lovingly kissed Fíli’s nose and then dove into his mouth, tongue moving with urgency against Fíli’s. Fíli pressed hands on Kíli’s hips.

"I _want_ you," Kíli mumbled around Fíli’s tongue.

Fíli lifted his hands to his brother’s face and gently detached the younger’s tongue from his mouth. Soft lips together, Fíli smiled, evoking the same from Kíli. An oh-so-gentle kiss, and then Fíli said, “But I’m _very_ tired.”

Kíli lifted his head, smirked. “Not too tired for me.”

“Prove it.”

“Shit. Yes,” Kíli hissed. 

Kíli kissed and nipped his way down Fíli's neck, grazed a finger along Fíli’s shoulder and down his arm, grasping a hand and pulling it to rest on his lower back. He moved back up and whispered into Fíli’s parted lips. “How am I doing?”

“I’m still tired.”

“Uh huh.” Kíli glided a thumb across Fíli’s lips, pressed down for a long kiss, and then worked his way back down throat, collarbone, and upper chest. 

Fíli moaned in approval, and Kíli pressed his lips and then his forehead to Fíli's chest. “I’ll just skip to the good stuff then,” Kíli whispered.

“The good –? Oh Kiiliii.” Fíli moaned, as Kíli slid down and wrapped his lips around Fili's stirring cock. 

Kíli teased with his lips and tongue, and then pulled up, lips just brushing the head. “Still tired?”

“Did I say I was tired?” Fíli managed between gasps.

“I should keep going then?”

“Gods yes. Please. Oh, fuck…”

Kíli kept going, sucking. As Fíli’s gasps and moans got louder and more desperate, Kíli again pulled off but kept a hand gently stroking. Fíli let out a soft sigh as his body warmed with need.

From below, a strangely shy voice. “Can I. I want to. To touch you. You know.” 

A hand in Kíli’s hair, eyes closed, Fíli fumbled with his other hand around the nightstand, eventually finding and then pressing the vial of oil into Kíli's hand.

Kíli groaned.

 

Mimicking his brother’s work on him, Kíli oiled a finger and slowly slipped it inside Fíli. Fíli moaned. Kíli about lost control then, feeling the tight warmth, knowing what was to come, but he hung on, slowly loosening Fíli’s hole with his fingers as Fíli had done for him. 

He kissed along Fíli’s hips, through the light hair on his abdomen, looked up to see Fíli’s chest heaving, head tilted back. “Good?”

“Surprisingly. Good,” Fíli breathed. “Surprisingly good, Kee.”

Kíli took his time to get Fíli ready, anticipating being inside. Inside Fíli, gods, _inside_. Fíli moaned again, and Kíli almost told him to stop, laughed. 

“Wha- what’s funny?”

“Not funny. I’m barely. Controlling myself. Down here. And you insist on making sexy noises.”

Fíli wriggled along with an entirely lewd and over-the-top groan of pleasure.

“You may regret that, love,” Kíli gasped. After forever, _forever,_ Kíli sat up, kneeling. Lightheaded, he slowly, unbearably slowly, slid himself into Fíli, back straightened. _Oh. Gods._

Fíli lifted his knees and spread his legs, eyes squeezed shut. Kíli tried to move his hips gently, found he couldn’t, stopped, focused on his brother’s face. “Does it hurt?”

“It’s… No. Did it hurt you?”

Kíli stared at his beloved’s face, tried to focus his mind on Fíli’s voice. Deep breath, ignoring his body with an effort. “It was weird at first, but no. But I don’t want to hurt _you_.”

Fíli cracked an eye open, and a playful smirk played on his lips as he gripped Kíli’s hips. “Do what you need to do.”

“I hear and obey, oh king.”

Fíli smacked Kíli hard on his ass, and Kíli laughed.

Kíli closed his eyes and reached for the control that Fíli had exercised with him. He couldn’t. He trusted that Fíli was all right with this. But -

"Fee," he gasped for breath and held completely still, knowing if he moved his mind would be gone.

Fíli's chest heaved, but he managed to quirk an eyebrow. "Kee?"

"I- I don't want to be selfish, but," a breath, "But I'm not going to last. At all."

"S'all right. I know you love me."

"That I do, but-"

"Go on, Kíli," his brother smirked. "Now I _am_ getting uncomfortable."

"I'll make it up to you, I prom- oh Mahal, Fíli," And Kíli let go the tenuous grip on his control and took Fíli, hard and fast, and ooooooh, this was the most incredible, indescribable feeling, even better than Fíli’s tongue on his… and all thought fled, there was only sensation, until he came hard and loud, sure the mountain shook with his body and that everyone heard their secret. 

Panting, he wanted nothing more than to collapse spent on top of his perfect, glorious, exquisite brother, but he wasn’t quite _that_ selfish. He slicked a hand again and stroked Fíli until he came with a long moan of Kíli’s name over his trembling hand. Then Kíli collapsed.

Fíli again fumbled on the nightstand, brought his hand back with a cloth, pushed Kíli’s hips up just a bit and wiped them off. 

"Right, _now_ I'm tired," Fíli huffed.

Kíli chuckled, leaning down for one last kiss before scooting off his brother and resting his head over Fíli's heart. “You are amazing, and I love you.” 

He felt more than heard Fíli mumble the same as they both passed out into a sated, blissful sleep.

 

The sun blazed in contrast to the mild spring day, as the vanguard of the small army of dwarves and humans rounded the ridge and headed toward the orc cave nestled on the far side of mountain's southeastern spur. Nori and the few dwarves with the unusual ability of stealth, along with a group of lightly armored humans, surrounded the cave in various camoflauged positions. They had the primary goal of quietly eliminating any solitary orcs who left the cave. They also were prepared to hold the orcs until the army arrived in force should it become necessary. 

Fíli expected it to become necessary. There was no way to disguise the sound of this many people moving through the heath. Most of Fíli's council paced in front with Bard and his guard leaders. Óin, Ori, and Dís followed some length behind with food, water, litters, and supplies to establish a small field tent. All wore the lightest of protection due to the long scramble to reach the target. Fíli expected an easy fight but took nothing for granted.

As they closed on the cave, the enemy emerged armed and snarling, arraying itself in a loose version of a battle formation. _A desperate animal at bay then,_ Fíli thought.

Fíli nodded at Kíli and the others. "This makes things much simpler."

Dwalin returned the nod and moved back to the body of the army, which approached the orcs in well drilled formation. The orcs clanged weapons as the army halted in readiness. Dwalin raised a hand and charged.

Fíli closed with Kíli on his left and swept aside the first orc weapon with his left-hand sword, passed by on the right, and elbowed the creature back into Kíli’s sword. Fíli brought that sword up to block a thrust, stabbed at the enemy neck, while Kíli swung two-handed to take out its knees. 

They waded further into the melee, into the screams and grunts, the chaos where instinct ruled. Fíli parried a thrust with his left, rolling the weapon up, and severed an arm with his right, leaving the creature for Kíli to finish. He felt Kíli catch a blow headed for his back, spun and thrust low under Kíli's sword. 

The brothers didn't think, they just moved. They swam through the blood and sweat, threats and allies, aiding one here, dispatching another, in constant motion, until the enemy was no more. Bird calls emerged over harsh breathing and groans of pain as Fíli surveyed the field. 

The army gathered near the medical tent, humans and dwarves resting anywhere they could. Fíli learned he had lost no one and only a few suffered more than minor injuries. After visiting with the injured, he found a boulder and leaned against it, eyes closed in relief.

 

The site of the mountain gates energized flagging legs and drooping heads. Empty bellies propelled tired bodies toward food and merriment. 

The initial loss of adrenaline had left Fíli spent as the group rested against boulders. He’d recovered from that, despite the long walk, and the imminent arrival at his home awakened two desires – he wanted a bath and Kíli, not necessarily in that order. 

He looked over at Kíli to find him already watching him with an expression that brought a slight flush to the king’s cheeks. “Bath before dinner?” Fíli asked, striving for casual.

Kíli didn’t bother answering.

 

Fíli slammed the door and Kíli slammed Fíli’s back into it with a crash of mail against wood. Kíli’s mouth crushed his own, and Fíli pushed back, tongues entwining iron and salt. Kíli pinned Fíli with hands on shoulders. Fíli’s hands grasped Kíli’s face and neck, pulled him in impossibly close. Their tongues positively fought, sloppy and wet with desire. 

Without breaking the kiss, hands grasped for weapon handles, unusually careless as metal struck floor again and again. Fíli tried to rip apart Kíli’s mail, Kíli slammed the hands away and the kiss broke with a hiss as each tore off his own armor. Panting, desperate, mouths closed together as hands fumbled with latches, ties, buckles, no care taken as a jumble of protection and ripped clothing flew to the floor. 

“Fuck me, Fee. Now.” Kíli growled into Fíli’s open mouth, grabbing Fíli’s ass and slamming hips together.

“Want you to fuck me, you beautiful amazing –“

“Shut up and fuck me,” Kíli demanded, grabbing Fíli’s hand and shoving three fingers in his mouth.

Fíli gasped as he dropped his head to bite Kíli’s neck and shoulder, and then he managed a long shuddering breath as he flipped his brother around and pushed the younger’s chest into the door. He slid wet fingers inside of Kíli, yielding to Kíli’s demands that he abjure gentleness. Kíli snarled. 

Fíli pressed wet lips to Kíli’s back and neck as he worked fingers inside of him. No desire would overcome fear of pushing inside his brother unlubricated, so with one hand he fumbled around on the shelf next to the door, heedlessly knocking items to the floor. There, a vial of sword oil. Maybe not ideal, better than nothing. 

Fíli spilled much of it before driving his rock hard cock into Kíli’s firm ass, hands dropping to rutting hips. He matched his brother’s yells with harsh breath and hip thrusts. Fíli’s eyes fluttered open briefly to see Kíli’s hands trying to dig their way through the door as Kíli pressed back. 

Fíli felt Kíli bringing a hand down to his own cock, and Fíli trapped the wrist, held it firm against Kíli’s side. “No,” he hissed, “You’re next.” Kíli moaned, pushed back.

The world narrowed to Fíli’s cock, and it swelled, his eyes rolled and his head dropped back as a wave of pleasure racked his body. He pushed away from Kíli, who spun, grabbed his shoulders and pressed him down to the floor.

“Turn over,” Kíli hissed. Fíli obeyed immediately.

Kíli pressed his body against Fíli’s back, three slick fingers into his entrance. He worked him open harshly. Fíli felt drugged, didn’t think he was really feeling it. Then Kíli slammed his cock in, and oh, did Fíli feel that. He pressed his hips up into his brother’s as Kíli rode him with yells and gasps. 

Kíli came with a bellow and collapsed on top of Fíli. Fíli dropped flat to the floor, dripping in sweat, eyes closed as he absorbed his brother’s full weight on top of him. Kíli’s breath gasped into his ear as Fíli struggled to slow his breathing. 

“Kíli,” he whispered between sharp inhalations. From somewhere far away, he recognized soreness overtaking every part of his body. And he breathed it in – it meant he was _alive_.

“Mahal, Fee,” Kíli muttered.

Silence but for breath. Numb but for Kíli’s sable hair tickling his face. “I want to feel your body on me forever,” Fíli breathed.

“Fíli. I keep thinking I’ll split apart with love, and then there’s more.” A tear rolled down Fíli’s cheek. He wasn’t sure whether it was his or Kíli’s.

They stayed in place, eyes closed, until at last Fíli sighed. “We should go.”

“I know.”

No movement.

“We should go.”

“I know.”

“I love you.”

“I love you.”

“All right, I’m moving,” Kíli sighed. He kissed his brother’s neck and then rolled off and clambered upright. Fíli turned over to see Kíli reaching down for him. He grasped the proffered hand and stood up stiffly.

Kíli folded Fíli into a hug, resting his head on Fíli’s shoulder. “Congratulations, King.”

Fíli huffed a laugh. “Thank you.”

They parted with a kiss and moved to the bathing room. 

 

Exhausted, but happy, cleaned up and dressed up, the brothers made their way to the dining hall. What had begun as little more than a cafeteria had been transformed into a hall worthy of Erebor of old. Long polished tables and benches boasted food on the best serving ware the mountain could offer. Drinks flowed freely, and torches glowed merrily. Laughter rang from mingled dwarves and human families. Dís and like-minded dwarves moved amongst the tables, ensuring serving platters never emptied. 

The brothers stopped in unison just inside the doorway. Kíli had a broad smile on his handsome face as he took in the revelry. Fíli would have been happy simply to stand next to his best friend and lover. King Fíli also had a victory to celebrate as he watched his kingdom coming together. 

Fíli drank it all in and smiled. He was young and in love and strong and _alive_ , and he was king. And while he would never otherwise abuse his power, in just this one thing... 

He grabbed Kíli's hand, held on. Kíli's head jerked toward him, beloved dark eyes wide with surprise. Fíli smirked and with his other hand pointed to the crown on his head. Kíli threw back his head and laughed, then returned eyes full of love back to Fíli's. 

Fíli held his brother’s gaze for a moment, leaned in close, and whispered, "Kiss me." Kíli actually jumped. Fíli laughed at shocking Kíli twice within seconds. With a look, Kíli asked if Fíli was certain. 

Fíli’s lips gently brushed Kíli’s as he said, "Kiss me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this! I'd love to hear your thoughts. 
> 
> If you'd like more Fili as king (and oh, I hope you do), please check out [An Ocean of Noise](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4032769). :)
> 
> And another thank you to beta jx437 for making the final chapters stronger than they would've been without her!


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